Nearly a year ago this month, Clint and I were getting nervous about where we were going to live after we got married. We were engaged to be married May 31, 2025, and we had no home to move in to.
We couldn’t afford a custom build, so we knew we needed to find something manufactured…but where? Clint was convinced that we would find what we needed at one location in Mount Olive. He wanted to look at a few houses in one place, pick something, and be done with it. I had already been doing my research and knew it was not going to be that simple. In fact, I had already visited many places on my own. The first place we went together said what many had already told me: get pre-approved on your loan, then we will talk.
Something told me that our house was in Beulaville. I knew a specific seller that had a lot of options, so I insisted we went there after the Mount Olive location was a flop. We drove the extra hour and walked in a house where we were promptly told to wait a moment because we were supposed to have an appointment and be escorted. Okay…already a little more extra attention and care. I thought. When the woman came back to us, she didn’t ask how much money we had, she asked what we wanted. Her approach was so refreshing! Finally! Someone treats me like a human! I thought.
The second house we stepped into was the one. I just knew it! I opened the front door and saw our whole happy future in that place. Everything was made quality and new; I was in love with every detail. She hit everything on my bucket list and more. We went back to the office, started talking numbers, and got pre-approved for the loan to make it happen. It was that easy!
Clayton Home: Island Breeze
Well…it wasn’t that easy. To make a long story short, the lender came back with a counter offer lower than our home after they realized I am a 10-month (not 12-month) employee. The offer was too low to move forward with the house. We tried again with another lender and got the same approval then change. All the back and forth was costing us time, so we had to step down from the dream home and look at lesser homes. I was heartbroken. I cried for a week straight. Everything we looked at was a compromise I didn’t want to have to live with. The worst part was that the payment options with the lesser loan were worse than the greater one ever was originally. We were being asked to pay more for a house we didn’t love, and I just couldn’t settle for that.
After more months of trying to figure out the problem and how to fix it, we finally found a third lender that was willing to work with us for a higher loan amount. We retried for the dream house, fingers-crossed, and got approved! This time, however, I wasn’t excited. I don’t think I exhaled until the house was on our land and we’d signed the dotted line at closing.
Our Forever Home: The Dream Restored
Lesson 1: It ALWAYS takes more time
When we first found our home, the sales person said we could have it here in a couple of weeks. We were seriously thinking we would have to delay the process on purpose because that would have made us have our home before we were married or financially ready for the first payment. But “have it here” is not the same deadline as move-in ready. Move-in ready means the home is on the property, the foundation is done, the utilities are done, and it’s just ready to turn the key and open the door. The “have it here” part was just getting it from the maker to the seller. Even in that stage, you have to deal with supply delays that drive up cost on the maker and make your home cost more than it has to–and take longer to make. All in, to get a turn-key home, it takes a very large team of contractors that have to all do their work right and in order. A lot of variables come into play there; it never ends up happening as quickly as you hope or even as they predict. It took about 10 months to get into our house from sale to turn-key.
Lesson 2: Expect Unplanned Costs
There are a lot of things you don’t know when you go to buy a house for the first time. I was fortunate in the fact that I had land and experience with certain things to know what I wanted and what I didn’t. For example, I knew I didn’t want anything to do with county water; I wanted a well. I knew I could trust the water in my land, but I didn’t know how fickle that trust could be. We ended up having multiple delays in the house because of the well. First, it was issues with the digger and his equipment. Then, it was issues with the well itself busting and spraying a rainbow in the backyard that you could see from the main road. Then, it was the wrong switch sparking at the power box. Then, after all of that, we had contamination and hard water. I ended up having to spend a couple hundred more to get a water softening system and have it installed at the well. Now, hopefully, we are safe.
Lesson 3: Stay Thankful
In all the ups and downs of getting our home, it would have been very easy to turn bitter and hate the place we worked so hard to get. I had a very specific vision for the home we were creating. I wanted it to be a place of peace and restoration because our blended family was not that at all. In fact, my heart’s desire was to be a better wife and mother than either of them had known. Yet that whole dream had to start somewhere, and it started with my heart, my approach. If I let myself talk bad about the house, I would end up having a negative effect on the environment I was trying to create. Therefore, I didn’t let myself speak ill of the house or anything we went through to get into it. What I say repeatedly (and I mean it) is: I love our house, I love our home, it is the best gift we could have given ourselves.
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December 16th, 2025 is Jane Austen’s 250th Birthday. This semiquincentennial celebration has been celebrated all over the world already with special festivals, readings, reenactments, and more. I am pleased to hear she is important enough to even be on a bank note in London now. In Bath, you can visit her museum and book tickets for festivals and experiences. In America, you can learn all about her in the Jane Austen Collaborative including Summer Programs for Teachers and a whole bunch of research and interactive materials. I can only imagine how big the celebration will actually be on December 16th.
Jane Austen is loved in many ways in America. For those of us Janeites who are English teachers, we teach her books in our classes. Pride and Prejudice has been my go to for years in my English 4 class because it my favorite of all of them, but this year I was challenged to find a new book to give some love. I read Emma, Persuasion, Northanger Abbey, and Sense and Sensibility all at roughly the same time. It was crazy to me how much Austen’s voice and purpose changed in each book. The cadence and flow, the storytelling mastery that I loved in P&P were washed out or gone completely in some of them. The memorable lines of P&P from that opening line to Darcy’s confession of love were just missing entirely in Sense & Sensibility. As a movie, it is close, but as a book, I found myself constantly stopping and restarting to figure out what was happening. Jane Austen shouldn’t be that hard to follow. She was well ahead of her time for engaging her readers.
What surprised me as I read the other books was how much of an activist Jane Austen really was. In Emma, she was well into her career and chose to take on a character she knew she would love more than her readers. Emma is fiesty, independent, and does not need a man. If she falls in love and marries, it is by choice not society’s force. She goes against the customs of her day and embraces her own dreams for her life. From the first page, I found her character very intriguing and modern. It made me love Jane Austen as a writer more because she was taking risks and being a voice for change.
In Persuasion, there was a similar activist purpose. In this book, the main character is dealing with a lot of society pressure to do things and live to certain standards. It cost her a marriage to the man she really loved and overspending made her family have to downsize to become more fiscally responsible. These were big ideas to take on in an Austen novel. Usually social commentary is something you would expect more in Dickens or Bronte, but Austen was finding her way to do it too. It may have taken her getting into a groove and becoming popular enough to afford being able to take a risk, but she still did it.
Northanger Abbey was a surprise of a different kind. In this little book, Austen talks directly to the reader several times about writing! Not only does she reveal some historical shade on reading novels, but she gives her own opinion on the issue in general. She talks about writing and the importance of reading all while showing a character who took her love of reading too far. Northanger Abbey was a coming of age novel. It was a little slow to get into and very dated in the details, but the story did catch our attention. Anything this old that can capture a teenager’s attention deserves recognition.
What Austen Taught Me As a Woman
I have always admired Austen for being a woman who took care of herself and provided a living for herself while she was single and living with family. Austen never married, and that has always made me sad. How could someone write about love and relationships with so much clarity and focus, yet not be able to secure it for herself? Maybe someday I will do a deeper dive into her letters and personal correspondence to get to know Austen better, but for now it is just a dull question in the back of my mind…why?
If anything, I think the answer is in Persuasion. Supposedly Austen had a man pursue her and she wanted to say yes to him, but her family did not approve. Persuasion is a similar story, but with a much better ending. Sometimes I wonder if Austen’s writing wasn’t just trying to make her own happy endings and life choices over again. Why didn’t she show the activism on her pages within her own four walls? Maybe she did and we just don’t know it.
Still, regardless of her love life, Austen was a fierce woman for her time and someone to admire even today. She has left a mark and told us women that we are capable of so much more than our culture may dictate. If I could interview her today, I think Austen’s advice to young women would be “if you have a dream, pursue it; don’t let anything hold you down.”
What Austen Taught Me As a Writer
Reading so many Austen books at once gave me the chance to focus on the common threads between them. I would listen to how the character development progressed and later novels were stronger than early work (with the exception of P&P). I also listened for a familiar structure, cadence, or form. I realized that we writers do develop a style that is pretty hard to get away from no matter what the topic may be. Austen’s style is conversational, approachable prose with a lot of dialogue to show the story more than tell it. l found the books that were good were the ones that did this. The rest were just hard to get into.
I also came to the realization that the really great writers in the world are those that use their platform for good.
Dickens used his writing to encourage reform in society (for example child labor and poverty). Bronte also spoke about education reform and other society issues. Austen entertained us with romance but made us question our society norms at the same time. Women were held back in her time, and her honesty with this repression on the page changed things for women in the future. I believe the great writers like Dickens, Bronte, and Austen were great and unforgettable not just because they were good story-tellers but because they used their skills to make a difference in the world around them. After all, what other purpose can be there be for an artist than to hold a mirror to their world and ask them to make it better?
If you are like me when I started my wedding journey, I was at least a little worried about meeting the expected norms of a wedding. Thankfully, by the time I did get married (in 2025), the rule was simply there are no rules…be yourself…do it your way.
But even “do it your way” has expectations. This post is about what expectations are still timeless in weddings and should not be ignored.
RSVPs
Any formal event where head counts are necessary for providing enough food, seating, etc. should have a formal response from invited guests. Even if you can’t go, don’t assume that your host knows that by your ghosted silence. Be respectful and say yes or no and how many.
In the case of our wedding, I used a QR code or a phone call option for our guests to say they were coming. The QR code gave tech savy guests a way to respond that also connected them to more details about our story. It was more reliable and less costly than prepaid response cards, too. The phone call option gave our most inclusive way of responding. At least one of our guests submitted an RSVP this way. She was so thankful for the low-tech option, and she became an advocate for our wedding that helped get two other guests there that wouldn’t have made it otherwise.
We didn’t want to limit any of our acquaintances from being a part of our big day (even co-workers and students). However, it is near impossible to accommodate an open-ended ticket. You have to have head counts and cut-offs. I also minimized the list by only giving the reception details to people I wanted and expected to come to both the wedding and the reception. I chose to do that in the most fancy way possible: printed, wax sealed, mailed invitations. To me, this showed my guests that their time and presence was valuable to us.
What to do when RSVPs change
If you are a guest that did all the right things to RSVP to an event but things change and you can’t go or you decide to go past a deadline, contact your host as soon as possible. Head counts affect cost in all areas.
In the case of our wedding, we had about 25 people that said they were coming but never showed up or communicated a change to us. That cost us considerable more in time, venue, and food. In the food costs alone, I guesstimate I spent $500 more than I should have.
As for guests that were able to come last minute, we had extremely generous vendors who accommodated flexibility in head counts up to a week before the wedding. Not all vendors will do that, but our flexibility let us allow in anyone that asked last minute.
Deadlines
For Makers
We all have the procrastination gene, but that can cost you greatly in a wedding. Deadlines are essential to get the details done the way you want them without also costing a fortune to do them or (worse) making you ditch them all together.
In the case of our wedding, I had just under a year and a half to plan and execute every detail of our D.I.Y. event. I prioritized the must haves and monitored my time to be able to tell if I was behind schedule or on time to get things done. For example, I had a specific goal and theme that required handmade lace shawls for all my bridal party. I made one shawl and used the time I spent on that to tweak my own process, get faster at making them, and gauge where I should be to get them all done on time. I used this same make, evaluate, tweak, and repeat method to do the same thing for all the flowers in our wedding.
For Hosts
Deadlines are important for meeting the demands of all the people you pay for services. You need to time your deadlines to be within a month of the event date so you can turn in your numbers as soon as possible to your vendors. If your vendors need more or less time, adjust your leniency accordingly. Learn the importance and power of saying “no”; you can’t expect to accommodate or make everyone happy.
For Guests
Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! I really can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your host about your attendance or lack thereof as soon as an invitation is received.
In the case of our wedding, I felt deeply disrespected when people ignored my invitation completely or said they were coming and never showed. My husband and I went the extra mile to call people who had not responded to our mailed full party (wedding and reception) invitations. When one response said they threw away our invitation when they knew they weren’t coming, I stopped calling the rest. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could take all the obvious handmade work I had given them and just discard it like roadkill. Needless to say, that person lost my respect and my friendship.
On the opposite end of that spectrum, I had a guest communicate with me after the deadline that they wanted to come. She apologized profusely, sent gifts from our registry, and showed up dressed up better than I had ever seen her before. Her response not only affirmed our friendship but deepened my respect for her as a person.
Gifts
Generally speaking, it is expected gifts are given at important events like weddings, birthdays, and housewarmings. If it was formal enough to invite you, it is formal enough to show your appreciation in kind.
From Guests
Whether or not you attend an event, a gift is usually expected. In some cases, a host may say “in lue of gifts” which just means they are about to give you directions on where they want you to send your gift contribution. Many times, registries are provided and help fulfill this obligation, but money is always a good gift. The general rule of thumb for an event providing you with food is that you at least gift them what you would spend on a good steak house dinner as a couple/family (however many are attending).
Spouse to Spouse
In a wedding, the tradition is that the couple have a member of their wedding party take a gift to their spouse to be while they are getting ready on their wedding day. This serves as a sweet reminder of your love for each other while you are apart and can’t see each other yet.
In our wedding, I am embarrassed to say that I underestimated my spouse. Money had been so tight going into the wedding day that I didn’t even bring the idea up or talk about it. I just assumed we were not doing it, and I made my peace with it. Of course, I secretly still wanted the gift, but I decided what was most important to me was words. To that end, I stayed up late the night before/morning of the wedding to write my letter to my soon to be husband. I text it to him myself later that morning. True to form, however, my husband pulled off a surprise for me. He bought me a gift and had it delivered to me by his best man. Another groomsman checked in on me later to see my reaction. I was completely floored and crying. The most priceless part of the gift that caused my tears: a typed letter written in perfect grammar (when my husband does not write like that on his own). He had conspired with a mutual friend who interviewed him and “helped him get out what he was hiding inside” using his own words. I will have to scrapbook or frame that thing; it means the world to me now.
For the Wedding Party
There is nothing small about being in a wedding. When someone asks you to be part of the performance that announces your new marriage, a lot of thought, detail, and expense goes into it on all sides. The couple getting married have to spend money on you to feed you and your significant others as well as any other related vending costs and events leading up to the big day. Likewise, the party member has to invest in clothing and activities that can often be far more than they bargained for when they said “yes” to being in the party. To that end, it is generally expected that all wedding party members give the couple a gift, and the couple gives gifts to all their party members.
In the case of our wedding, I made handmade shawls and bouquets for all my ladies that they kept as their gifts. I also put together a wedding day emergency kit for all my girls that included some earrings, a perfume sample, lip gloss, stain remover, and hand sanitizer. I estimated I spent about $50 on each bridesmaid gift, but I really spent a lot more than that. For All the groomsmen, I made matching boutonnieres for all the party as well as the Groom, Day of the Wedding Coordinator, and the Officiant. We also gave the groomsmen and Ring bearer higher end Swiss Army knives.
From the Wedding Party
Generally speaking, everyone in a wedding party is expected to give and receive gifts. Even though they are in the wedding itself, the wedding party is expected to give gifts like any other wedding guest.
In our wedding, I got the surprise of my life when my bridesmaids started gifting me. My maid of honor threw me an elaborate shower with handmade food and games. Most of my others had gifts sent to me from my registry. I didn’t even know this was a thing until they did it.
Thank Yous
Last but not least, everyone needs a thank you note. At minimum, all friends and family that contributed to the wedding in any form should get a card, thanking them for what they did to help make your day so special. To be able to do this, make sure you keep accurate notes of what was done and given as well as contact information for each person. It is important that thank yous are sent in a timely manner too; you don’t want anyone worrying that their gifts were missed or assuming that you are not a grateful person.
In our wedding, I got a lot of pressure to start sending thank you notes as soon as I was given a gift. I, on the other hand, felt it was important to wait to see their full contributions and send cards later. For example, my first gift was from someone that never came to the wedding but was supposed to. I waited to respond till after the wedding, so I could include any notes about our time together at the event as well as anything else that might have been done by them at that time. Waiting caused me to have to spend more effort in organizing things, but it helped me end the experience in nothing but gratitude (instead of focusing on the things that went wrong).
Conclusion
In conclusion, formal events can be stressful, but don’t be afraid to make them your own. Minimize the hills you have to climb by making these simple rules of etiquette your primary guidebook.
Let’s talk about why school matters (or if it does at all). This is something that I never used to question. In fact, it is something that students in general never questioned till recently. According to a recent survey, over 40% of high school students consider themselves disengaged now. I really blame Covid for that because everyone seemed to come back with an apathy for education and others like they just don’t care or want to care about anything beyond themselves. I’m not alone in this assessment either. A lot of research is showing that there has been a shift in students since Covid that is resulting in lower performance in schools. In short, kids don’t see why they should care anymore.
I think the best answer for why school matters is to imagine a world where school doesn’t exist at all. What would happen to our knowledge then? Would we read? Do our own math? Do any experiments? If so, how would we know what to do? I think the point of K-12 is that it is the foundation of everything else you will ever learn in life. You can’t read without the foundation of first learning how to read and why it is important. You can’t argue without someone teaching you how to articulate a good argument. You can’t make change in a restaurant without someone teaching you the basics of adding and subtraction.
All life boils down to what we know and how we apply it. Knowledge is power and creates true haves and have nots when people ignore or devalue it. We teach the past and a lot of things that are not happening now because those who do not know their past are doomed to repeat it. In literature, we teach the past because all other writing today builds upon the knowledge of the greats that went before us; we want to keep people knowing the foundations of what made us today. Some of my first poems were written in response to something Lord Byron said that angered me. I can’t imagine a world that doesn’t know or care about Byron or Shakespeare or any of the rest.
There may be a lot of problems–and even some redundancy–in K-12 education today, but we still need it. K-12 education is all about teaching you how to be a human, how to know what the rest of us know, and how to contribute to society. Education gets more specific from here, but that base foundation is everything we all stand equally on. Without it, how can we hope to be a civilized society at all?
One of the things I love about Christmas is how we all still believe in a little bit of magic then. No matter how old you are, you still make Christmas wishes, believe in Santa, and think good things are possible–even probable–in the world. We all are a little more hopeful at Christmas. So why doesn’t this good feeling last throughout the year?
I’ve spent a lot of time in worry. I’ve worried over my friends–who would be my friend and stay my friend. I’ve worried over family–especially as they got older and their health failed. I’ve worried about myself as all my worries led to my own health scares. Most of all, I’ve worried about my husband–where he was and why he was taking SO LONG to get to me!
Being single was TORTURE! A dear friend compared my waiting time like waiting on a bun to get done baking in an oven. My response was “well he must be pretty brown now because he has been in that oven for a LOOOOONG time!”
Patience is one of the hardest lessons to learn. I still haven’t learned it, but I did learn to surrender.
When life gets out of control and things are happening left and right that you can’t predict or control, you have two choices: stress out or surrender.
For a long time, all I did was stress out. I needed to be in control of my life and the lack of control was stressful. Eventually, stress led to other things. I developed anxiety, digestive disorders, and I even started losing my hair. I stressed myself into bad health. That’s when I knew something had to stop.
I started seeing a therapist. Originally ashamed that I couldn’t think my way out of it and fix myself, I told no one about her. Later, as mental health became more of an acceptable reality for all of us, I shared with some people about my therapist. She was a God-send! A specialist in PTSD and trauma therapy as well as a Christian who shares my worldview, I found a safe place to share, learn about what was happening in my body, and practice new coping strategies. I went from throwing up regularly from work-related stress to practicing mindfulness and barely throwing up at all. I went from taking on everyone else’s problems to setting boundaries and learning to prioritize my own needs. I went from desperately needing to control everything to feel safe to learning to surrender my life to God and trust Him in the process.
Trusting God in the processing part of our lives is no small task. It’s like writing letters to Santa; you put all your wishes on a page and expect you will get at least part of them when the time is right. With God, we know he already knows it all anyway, but we are still expected to share with him our day-to-day concerns, needs, and wishes through prayer. We know he wants us to connect and build a relationship with Him, but we struggle to trust that he really has our best interests in mind and has the time to orchestrate our lives toward it. Instead, we think he is ignoring us or too busy to do anything for us at all, so we go about muddying the waters trying to fix our own lives the best we know how.
That’s what I did. I got in and out of some pretty messy relationships including a few fake ones that totally wrecked my trust in ever finding love. I’ve written a ton on this topic. Then suddenly, everything started to fall into place.
I found the man perfect for me when I stopped looking for him and surrendered my desperate need for him to Christ. A few weeks before we reconnected, I had prayed in desperation “God, I need my person! I can’t do this life by myself; I was made for a partner. I know that! Wherever he is, I need him. Please, God, bring him to me.” It was a sort of deathbed confession because I felt like I was at the end of myself and dying to everything I could possibly do to bring about love for myself.
When Clint came to me, I was not perfect nor was I ready for him. I was extremely jaded by all the fakers and past hurts that I couldn’t trust him completely. I kept talking to him because I knew I wanted to trust him. Then we met in person and his kindness and charm was completely disarming. He would later say he knew he loved me from that first day when we met and I agreed to date him. He was quick to love and trust me when I hadn’t even proved myself yet. His faith in me and unconditional love were what I needed. I fell in love with him in a quiet gentle moment lazily driving around in the country. I just looked at him and saw myself getting older with him, being happy, and feeling peace. I saw my forever with him and knew I found my person.
What I Wish I Did Differently
I went through a lot of unnecessary angst in my singleness. All the things I tried circled around hating myself and trying to change to be what I thought men wanted. When I let go of all the trying, I started to develop confidence in my own skin. Confidence is far more attractive to others than anything we can do to change our physical appearance. In fact, most every handsome man of good character that I have talked to or seen interviewed has said they would rather have a woman of substance and good character than a woman who just looks good. I wasted too much time in self-loathing. I should have loved myself more. I should have celebrated my own strengths and interests. I should have pursued my passions without simultaneously wondering what man would see me doing them. I should have just been me.
Now I really believe that there is beauty in the waiting (if you let yourself just be). If you surrender your life to Jesus, he plans out a life much better than we could ever do for ourselves. His plans are a gift that he gives us in a future time we can’t predict but a time that is perfect because we are ready for it.
I used to eye roll FOR REAL when married people said things like this to me, but look at me now! I’m about to be a married woman myself! Sometimes I still can barely believe it. The dream has come to fruition. All the years building to this moment were not in vain. Be encouraged by my experience and learn from me! Don’t waste time stressing when you could be trusting God.
Traveling with your dog can transform any trip into an adventure. It’s not just about finding pet-friendly accommodations or making sure your dog is comfortable during travel, but also about ensuring that both you and your pet stay active and healthy. Whether you’re planning a weekend getaway or a long vacation, incorporating activity into your travels can enhance the experience for you and your furry friend. Here are some tips to get you started!
Selecting the Right Destination
When you’re planning your travel, look for destinations that cater to pet owners. Seek out places that boast dog-friendly parks, scenic trails, and beaches. These spots offer you and your dog ample space to run, play, and explore the great outdoors together. This not only keeps your dog physically engaged but also stimulates their senses with new sights, sounds, and smells, making for a happier, healthier pet.
Monitoring Your Stress Levels
Monitoring your stress levels is important not just for your well-being but also for your pets, as they can pick up on your emotions and react accordingly. Pets often mirror their owners’ stress, leading to changes in behavior, appetite, or energy levels. Taking steps to manage stress – such as regular exercise, mindfulness, or setting work-life boundaries – can create a calmer environment for both you and your furry companion.
Packing the Right Gear
To make the most of spontaneous opportunities for exercise, make sure you pack the right supplies. A durable leash, collapsible water bowls, and waste bags are must-haves for any trip. These essentials ensure that you’re always prepared to hit the road or trail at a moment’s notice, allowing you and your dog to maintain an active lifestyle no matter where you are. Remember to also consider the specific needs of your dog, such as any medications, a first-aid kit, and a comfortable harness, which can make physical activities safer and more enjoyable for them.
Arranging a Home Swap
If you’re looking for an affordable, pet-friendly travel option, consider a home swap with another dog owner. This arrangement allows you to exchange homes with someone who has a similar setup and shares your love for pets. While you’re away, their dog can enjoy your space, and you can take care of their dog in return. Not only does this eliminate the cost of pet boarding or hotels, but it also gives you peace of mind knowing your furry friend will have a familiar and loving environment.
Taking the Weather into Account
To avoid the midday heat, especially in warmer climates, plan your longer walks during the cooler morning and evening hours. This makes the walk more comfortable for both you and your dog and can lead to more enjoyable and extended playtime. It’s also a perfect time to explore as the softer light provides a beautiful backdrop for memorable photos of your adventures together. Adjusting your schedule to suit the weather conditions will not only make your activities more pleasant but also protect your dog from overheating and dehydration.
Engaging in Fun and Games
Don’t forget to bring along your dog’s favorite toys. Engaging in games of fetch with a frisbee or tennis ball can significantly contribute to both your step count and your dog’s activity level. Additionally, keep an eye out for local activities like dog yoga classes, agility courses, or group dog walks. Participating in these can add a fun, social element to your exercise routine and provide your dog with valuable interaction with other dogs.
Traveling with your dog doesn’t mean you have to compromise on your activity levels. With a bit of planning and creativity, you can ensure that both you and your furry companion enjoy a dynamic, healthy, and fun trip. By choosing the right destinations, packing essential gear, and taking advantage of local activities, you set the stage for a memorable and active holiday with your dog. So, lace up your walking shoes, grab the leash, and prepare to explore the world one paw print at a time.
Find inspiration and guidance for creating a balanced, fulfilling life with Rebecca J. Whitman.
For more great advice from Mia, check out her blog!
Stokie loved jumping in my car when I had to go somewhere
We weren’t supposed to have her. We were too old to take her running. There were no sheep for her to herd. Yet, the moment we saw her gentle face, we fell in love with her.
Stokie was an older Border Collie from a rescue agency specializing in the breed. We didn’t know much about her except that she was found in Stokes County NC (and named for it), she was close to nine years old, and she had been severely injured. She had gone through reconstructive surgery on her lungs and had a deep, hoarse, strained voice if she barked. She also trotted more like a rocking horse than a dog. Sometimes, her back legs crossed and stiffened, and she needed help to uncross them.
For the first few nights, I slept beside her. She felt like a fragile doll that could easily break, and I just wanted to keep her safe. I listened to her and took my cues from her. She showed me how to help her, and I did my best. In time, she was walking normally and letting some of her puppy side show. She gave full toothy grins when she was happy, and she went wild over peanut butter. When she wanted me to stay home, she’d climb into my driver’s seat and just sit there with a big grin.
Though she had every reason to be filled with bitterness and distrust, Stokie was a gentle dog with nothing but kindness and love in her heart. This was especially true in the relationship she had with our cockatiel, Chester. When she first entered the house, she went right to him and stared up at him in love and admiration. She checked on him every morning, and watched him all through the day. This connection continued unbroken until Chester’s passing. To my cats, she was equally mellow. One cat she even allowed to curl up and sleep with her in her bed when he was a kitten. Sometimes, Stokie looked at then baby Mikah as if he was an infant in her charge. She was elderly then and more like Nana in Peter Pan than any other dog.
Stokie with ChesterStokie with Mikah
At the end, some of the old haunts came back to worry her. Arthritis settled into her back legs and made it hard to walk sometimes. Her eyes got hazy, and she couldn’t always see where she was going. We gave her supplements, massaged her legs, and installed a ramp to help her go outside easier. When it was her time to go, I buried her in the ground not far from Chester and the other pets we had owned and loved. I planted a rose bush to mark her grave. She became a permanent part of our family and the land that is our inheritance.
What Stokie needed most in all her seasons was love. She needed the patience and forgiveness to not expect her to be something she was not. She needed the grace to see her potential and bring out her best. She needed the safety of knowing she had a home and would be cared for regardless of what work she could do to contribute.
She wasn’t able to do much, but she gave love to everyone, and that was therapeutic. She came into a disabled home and taught us all that we had more in us to give a dog than we thought we had left to give.
Like the title suggests, this book of poetry is a memoir about the author’s journey into owning multiple dogs and what life is like with them. It is organized chronologically, so it is clear to see the progression of her growth over time. Becoming a dog mom to multiple dogs began as a grief response but blossomed into a new purpose. Adopting dogs that were often abused gave her a mission to love them back to health.
Barth’s honesty is compelling. Her poems are approachable and grounded in real events and images. This is not a poetry book that challenges you to think about philosophy or anything too deep. It is more about dog adoption and what that taught the writer. With several poems about the dogs themselves, the reader gets to fall in love with them as well. The journey of love and loss, healing and wholeness, is fully relatable and admirable.
This is a short book (just 35 pages) and all the poems are relatively short free verse. It would be a welcome read for animal lovers especially dog lovers. If you love Chihuahuas, this is a must read.
About the Author
Barbara Barth turned to writing and adopting dogs to heal after the loss of her husband in 2008. Known as Writer With Dogs over the years, she now calls herself Chihuahua Mama and lives with six demanding Chihuahuas in a charming small town forty miles from Atlanta. She is Literary Arts Chair on the Board of her local art center. Inspired by the many talented artists she meets Barth started painting. Her whimsical style embraces ladies, gardens, critters, and of course cats and dogs.
Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.
The most ambitious DIY project I have taken on has been my wedding. I am making everything I can possibly make for the decorations, including all the flowers, favors, and accessories for the bridal party.
Would you be interested in a series going into detail about each project? If so, comment below.
The first time he asked me to be his girl, I threw up a hand in disgust and said “As if?!” That was 20+ years ago…
Clint and I didn’t quite grow up together, but we went to the same church as teenagers. I remember wanting a boyfriend but feeling largely unseen by all the boys I was interested in. My best friend and I would bemoan this issue screaming out in the safety and privacy of my car on youth nights.
On one of those nights, Clint approached me in the parking lot and asked me to date him. It went a little something like this:
Clint: I’m sure you know I’m interested in you. I just haven’t made my mind up yet if I want to ask you…or your sister.
Me: Whatever?! Good luck with that! (walks away laughing in disgust)
Because of that one bad approach and my response to it, Clint never tried again. I lumped him in with all the other things wrong with narrow-minded teen boys and never saw the courage it took for him to try in the first place. In reality, Clint was always seeing more quality in me than I saw in him.
Fast forward 10+ years and I had moved away, but he stayed right in Goldsboro and in the same church. Sometimes he thought about me and wondered where I was. Sometimes I thought of him and wondered the same. To him, I was the girl that got away. To me, he was the boy that never changed.
But life did change him. It changed us both. He got married and had kids. I had multiple failed relationships. He stayed faithful to his church and his family. I traveled the world trying to find my own happy ending.
Marriage and becoming a father mellowed Clint out. He couldn’t be focused on himself or all his solo interests. When his marriage ended, he was heartbroken. He never wanted to be alone and never planned for his relationship to fail; he was all in. She wasn’t. It was a dark time in his life, and it took a long time for him to believe in love again.
Though I was never married, I came close a couple of times. Something was always missing. I knew I had to agree with my future husband on the important foundational issues like faith and finances, but I wasn’t. So I remained frustrated in all my relationships and frustrated single when I was out of them.
In all of this, I cried out to God for my person. “Where is he, God? I can’t do this (life) without him much longer!” Throughout my life, as I thought of the unknown man I would marry, I prayed for God’s protection over him and that God would guard his heart and body and keep it for me. I wrote about him too in poems that are just coming true now. Though I shook my fist at God for His timing, I ultimately trusted Him to take care of my man and be able to speak to him on my behalf.
2023 came and I was crying myself to work every day just so filled with loneliness. I was happy in my own skin but unhappy in relationships. I had tried everything and failed; I didn’t know how to move forward. My constant prayer during that season was “how much longer? How much longer, Lord?!”
On April Fool’s Day, I got a message on Facebook. It was from Clint. He said he wanted to reach out and reconnect as friends. Burned by men and trusting nothing online anymore, I said yes. At least this was a real person I knew, I thought, not all the fake catfishers I’d been recently burned by. “A friendship is harmless,” I told myself.
We talked non-stop for the next several days. I felt my heart thaw and begin to hope again. Maybe…maybe this could be love? Clint felt it too. Although he asked for friendship, he felt God urging him to ask for more. So he pursued me, asked me to be his girlfriend, and on April 5th, we started a relationship.
Right from the start, things were different. Clint treated me like an equal partner in everything. I felt peace just being with him. He felt peace in my presence too. We were attracted to each other and patient with our passion. We respected each other and truly wanted to make each other happy. While we were two very different people, we found a safety and partnership in each other that made our individual lives better. I found comfort in his 30+ year commitment to our childhood church. I found a safe place to share my full Pentecostal faith; a man who not only understood but shared my beliefs. It was the missing piece I had longed for in all my past relationships. My heart finally found its home–in the man I had written off in my childhood.
December 10th, a darkness happened. We lost my father. I mourned all that dad wouldn’t be able to see in my life. On Christmas, Clint and his daughter, Anna, came. Anna decorated the tree with our family’s sentimental ornaments and ribbons from dad’s memorial flowers. Christmas Day, we opened presents and Anna painted my nails. She made me look good for a picture of Clint and I by the tree, but it was all a set up. Instead of a picture, she was filming. Clint knelt to one knee in front of the tree and in front of my mom and Anna, and he asked me to marry him. I was in shock but didn’t have to think about it. I knew my answer was yes.
Later, I found out that Clint had asked my dad’s permission to marry me in July. Dad talked to him and told him “welcome to the family”. Anna and my bestie, Andrea, had helped him pick out the ring. Suddenly my sadness over dad’s passing was overcome by joy. God found a way to include my father in our marriage by guiding Clint to talk to him earlier about it.
Celebrating our engagement
Looking back on all this now after a year of dating and engagement, I think God’s timing was perfect. He could have put us together when we were younger when our differences would have driven us apart. He could have put us together partway down the road when our brokenness needed each other but our hearts weren’t open. Instead, God brought us together after failed relationships taught us to be flexible and open to love.
If God had done it any earlier, a lot would be different. As it is, we get to start off life as a family, and I get a daughter who loves to read as much as I do.
Neither Clint nor I are perfect people. We view our relationship as a lifetime commitment, and we stay committed to working through our difficult times as partners. That is what marriage is: it is a living reminder of the partnership God offers us through His Son, Jesus Christ. It’s a continual lifestyle of compromise, integrity, and trust.
I will share more about our journey and the wedding that has been years in the making here on this blog. Subscribe to catch all the news as it comes out!
On May 6, 2023, celebrations were sprouting all over the globe for the beginning of festival season and King Charles III’s coronation, but my attention was focused on one backyard in Castle Hayne, NC and to a promise 20 years in the making.
Andrea and I have been best friends longer than either of us kept record. She’s been the one I could cry to over relationships, family, and work issues. She’s been the writer that gets my writer issues too. We’ve been there for each other through everything, so it just made sense to plan to be there for each others’ big day.
Andrea and I at her wedding, May 6, 2023.
May 6th, Andrea Barilla became Andrea Lawing with me at her side as Maid of Honor (MOH). When it came my time to give a speech, this is what I told the couple:
Good evening, everyone. Andrea and I have been best friends for about 20 years since college and looked forward to this day. As her maid of honor, I would like to share a few words to celebrate. We’ve all heard that love is patient and kind. We’ve also heard that it keeps no record of wrongs or boasts. That’s scriptural from 1 Corinthians 13. But I think it all boils down to love being a choice–a choice we make over and over again, day after day, time after time, in the good and the bad. Love is a commitment not a feeling. Over the years, I have watched Andrea and Justin make that choice. It hasn’t always been pretty, but it has been faithful. Today, that became a forever commitment, and I couldn’t be more happy for you. May you walk forward together, hand in hand, in a partnership with no barriers, May you find hope, happiness, and fulfillment in each other, and May the future God has for you be better than your wildest dreams.
Through the wedding, I loved all the MOH extras like making sure her dress was always perfect and her hair and veil in place or packing out her car and decorating it with the best man. There were moments when going alone could be sad, but those extra duties filled the void of my sadness and amplified how much this special couple really meant to me.
Suspended in that love for them now, I treasure messages from the bride in a new way…a way that wonders how our friendship will change and grow as new responsibilities come our way. Part of me fears being left behind and out of step as I am not in the same stage of married life with them.
5 Things That Going Through A Big Wedding With My Bestie Has Taught Me:
Be a sponge for her exhaustion when she needs it, and don’t hold all that complaining against her. Weddings bring out the worst in all of us sometimes.
Don’t get offended when she doesn’t take your ideas to heart. It is her day not yours.
Be there to remind her why she said yes in the first place and hold her feet to the fire of that conviction not her last minute fears and wedding jitters.
Have your own safe place to vent about wedding stress; don’t add to the bride’s already mounting list.
If you can help make the vision happen, take as much off her plate as possible especially the night before and day of the wedding. Try to make the wedding day her zen moment of prep and not more stressing any undone details.
I wish I could say that I did all five of those things with perfection, but the truth is that I learned them more on the exit down the aisle than on the way to it. We had our moments of bucking heads and the bride had to be a listening ear for me sometimes too. I also wasn’t able to be there to help till the day before the wedding. Looking back now, I wish I had done more.
May sharing this experience help you be the best MOH you can be when your time comes and also help you truly appreciate the love that has been poured into your life and pours into it still.
When people think about Mount Olive, NC, they think of a charming small town with an annual Pickle Festival celebrating its biggest business–the Mount Olive Pickle Company. Mount Olive is also the home of a private four-year university, The University of Mount Olive (UMO). The University attracts an incredibly diverse and international population, but many of the students do not have access to transportation. Any activity they partake in becomes limited to on-campus or within a walking distance to it unless they have a car. Apart from the student population, local residents of the Mount Olive area have had few places to turn for local entertainment. Many grew up parking in the Rose’s parking lot to hang out on nights and weekends. One of Mount Olive’s newest businesses, The Warehouse, hopes to change all that.
At 506 North Breazeale Avenue in Mount Olive, NC, The Warehouse is an alcohol free family environment with paintball, ping pong, checkers, pool, coffee, dairy-free ice cream, Internet, and comfortable places to sit and meet with friends. “We want to be a place where people can come and hangout and just be,” says Owner Lester Rector.
Lester Rector and his wife Holly moved to Mount Olive in June 2019 to become the Campus Pastor for UMO as well as the Directors of UMO’s renowned acapella choir, Carolina Sound. The Rectors had their own successful career in indie music as Lester and Holly prior to coming to Mount Olive. They had the opportunity to work with artists like the Katinas, manage Voices of Lee, work with Disney, and travel through large and small locations. “It doesn’t cost nearly as much to produce nowadays as it used to. You can cut the overhead and make hits in your own room. Music is all about connections if you are ever going to grow beyond your community. If there is any downfall to being an indie artist, it is the lack of professionalism. There are a lot of hacks mixed into the sea of artists creating now,” Lester says.
“My wife and I felt like part of the reason we had to come here from Orlando was to invest in the university where we work but also in the community,” Lester said. They revamped all of campus ministry then began to recruit and develop Carolina Sound. Later, driving around the area, Lester saw the location that would become their community outreach. The building had been a gas and service station in the 50s and 60s then it turned into Charles Swinson’s cabinet shop. For almost a decade, the building sat vacant, fell into disrepair, and was overrun by rats. Then owner, Gerald Bell, began making repairs and renovating it to rent it, and the Rectors stepped in. For a year, they rented it and continued to transform it with a vision for what it could be. In March 2022, the Rectors bought the building completely and opened to the public that August.
The Warehouse is actually part of a three-phase plan led by the Rectors’ non-profit, Face to Face Worship, Inc. The vision for this part of the plan was inspired by Pins Mechanical in Nashville–a bar that offers similar games but is not family friendly past a certain time of night. “The simplest things can be fun in the right environment,” Lester said.
Phase Two of the plan was to launch five need-based programs: Counseling for children and families, Health and wellness nutrition, Spiritual counseling, Financial counseling, and Strategic planning for businesses. “The goal is to bring in people who are experts in their field and offer a night where anyone can come and hear the expert share their particular thing. Then if anyone wants counseling, we would be a facilitator for connecting them to the right people to help them,” Lester said.
Phase Three of the plan will be to launch a place of worship where people can enjoy the community and discipleship elements already established and have a place of worship as well. “Our route for ministry is different. We feel that there are already enough Sunday morning gatherings. My goal is just to engage with people, man,” Lester said. “506 is our address but it is also our mission. It comes out of the place in John where Jesus asked the man at the pool in Bethesda if he wanted to be well. We want people to feel like they can release everything negative they are dealing with right now and just come in here and find a place of refuge and encouragement…There has always been negativity in the world but accessibility of one over the other has changed over time. It seems now that all you ever hear–what sells more–is bad news. Good news seems harder to find. There is nothing new under the sun, it’s just more downloadable.”
The Warehouse is already a popular place for meetings, studying, and games. The paintball course is also steadily booked. “Our paintball park is a pay and play all day fast course that is wide open with all inflatable bunkers. You can never memorize the course because we move them every week. We are always trying to keep it as fresh as possible,” Lester said.
People can support the vision of The Warehouse by either making a tax free donation to the non-profit, or by purchasing from any of the for profit entities in The Warehouse: Real McCoy paintball and Cafe 506 coffee with AMR non-dairy ice cream. To see upcoming events and videos inside The Warehouse, check out their posts on Facebook and Instagram.
To sit a while with Garrett Strickland of Strickland Farming Partnership is to sit with a man so deeply entrenched in North Carolina that he can regurgitate 150 years of its history from a life that lived much of it. “To know about the whole county, you have to be involved in politics and the agriculture community–which of course I was,” Mr. Strickland said in his signature guttural Southern drawl. Garrett Strickland is a former Sampson County Commissioner and a Board Chairman of his family’s farming operation now. According to their website, Strickland Farming Partnership is a “progressive 7th generation diversified crop and livestock family farm operation. Garrett and his son Reggie still farm much of the land their ancestors farmed as far back as 1861…in Wayne, Sampson, and Duplin counties farming corn, soybeans, wheat, tobacco, pickle cucumbers, and sweet potatoes and finishing over 22,000 swine each year for Prestage Farms and grow out over 120,000 turkeys for Butterball.”
Farming has changed a lot over the years because of the white rabbit of consumerism that farmers are always chasing. “The population of the United States hit 100 million during my early lifetime. It’s 360 million now. The population of the world has gone from 5 billion to 7.5 billion. Land is being taken up for highways, housing developments, and shopping centers. We are feeding more and more people on less land. The only way we can continue to do that is to increase the productivity of the basic crops we are growing. So much of the basic food of the world is based on two crops: corn and soybeans,” Garrett Strickland said.
Having more people to feed on less land is not the only problem farmers face today. The other threat is a global market with unequal standards. “It used to be that we consumed all we made here. You could look around where you live and know all the crops there. Now other parts of the world determine what we grow more than we do. South America, Australia, and now Africa are large agricultural countries. Farms here average 1,000 acres while farms there average 10,000 and do not have to comply with regulations and government oversight as much as we do,” Garrett Strickland explained. “Compliance makes us have a disadvantage in the world market because we can’t do it as cheaply as them. Where we can get ahead in the global market is with specialty crops like sweet potatoes and tobacco that only grow in limited locations. Another way is through partnerships with companies that need our products. The world’s largest producer of hogs, for example, is right here in Sampson and Duplin counties.”
Reggie and Garrett
Reggie Strickland is following his father’s example in terms of staying involved in all aspects of farming life. His passion is to keep the farm moving forward, but he does that first by valuing his family. He will be the first to tell you that his father is his “best friend”, his wife is his “secret weapon”, and his children are “his whole world”. Still farming keeps him on the road more times than not. Reggie stays busy traveling the country on the boards of various committees advocating for the quality of US products as well as learning what is new and upcoming in grain crops and other agricultural products. He not only knows cutting edge facts when they matter, but he finds time to promote education in all its forms from agriculture students in college to media tours of the farm or answering phone calls from other farmers needing advice.
One of the biggest things that the public can do to support agriculture today, according to both Reggie and Garrett Strickland, is to understand that farmers are good stewards of the land and the environment. “We have a lot more interest invested in the land than other organizations outside of it,” they said.
The vision to diversify and expand the business really came from Reggie. He knew from an early age that he wanted to go into the family business, and he was excited to work hard and put in the time to make it grow. It was under his vision that the farm diversified into animal production as well as crops. “You want to diversify but not past what you know you can control,” Garrett said. “When things are good, it is easy to over expand and outgrow your management abilities. Learn to use all the tools available to you such as insurance, leasing vs. purchasing, technology, etc. Make decisions after you have made a list of the pros and cons of doing so.”
Farming is full of life lessons, and Garrett shared some of his. “Every generation is going to have hard times, but we get through it by mentoring and learning from each other. It is the bad times that show you what is important as well as who and what you can lean on…Everything that happens in life, good and bad, is a direct relation to your decisions and relationships with others. If you have a disagreement with someone, you are responsible for going to them and correcting it. In life, it is important to learn how to take care of things and then shed them (don’t hold on to grievances).”
The Stricklands find it very important to stay informed about scientific and market research such as the altering of plants to be able to grow in different climates and produce higher yields. “I am always learning. It is important to me to be a lifelong learner. If we ever quit learning, we quit living,” Garrett says. “Farming today is about studying the market and projecting growth for both the crops and the needs of the consumers. It isn’t just putting a seed in the ground and waiting. Most of the time, it is a well calculated risk and an educated guess mixed with a lot of faith.” The Strickland Farming Partnership also leverages technology to help them make the most of their farm. GPS precision planting and equipment that creates field records available via satellite are just part of the tools they use.
Farming is increasingly made difficult by politics and competition, but it is still the vital heart of our society. Ask any farmer today and they will tell you they do not own the land; they are simply caretakers of it. More than any other profession, farmers are keenly aware of the cycle of life. For farms to exist through generations in one family, however, there has to be a love of the land and a desire to continue in that way of life. It is the one concern that can bring both Strickland father and son to tears. “I hope that someone in our family will see fit to carry forward caring for the land after me or at least put it in a land trust to keep it agricultural,” they said.
With this post, I want to take a moment to thank the many subscribers I have that watch for regular announcements of my work. Your support has been amazing and helped me grow my writing business. I couldn’t do what I do without you, and I hope you will continue to follow this journey.
That said, I went quiet without explanation about August 2022. I want to apologize to all my fans for that abrupt pause, and I want to explain what happened here now.
What Happened
When I started blogging, it was a side thing to help my students. In 2021, however, I left teaching to pursue other opportunities including building a full time writing business. I loved being able to travel freely and write all over the place. It was liberating to finally have control of my own time. But to be successful, I had to cut expenses, think outside the box, market myself like crazy, take on jobs outside my passion, and hope it all worked out. I was scared a lot but also building faith in God to be my provider.
I struggled financially a couple of times and by July, I cried out to God to help me because I didn’t see a way forward anymore. I was stressed and tired of trying to talk people into the value of my work. I’ve never liked sales, so the marketing side of my work was sucking the fun out of my writing passion. I was also growing anxious and living in a lot of fear. It wasn’t healthy for me.
Family suggested that I get back into teaching. I did not want to teach at all, but I went looking to appease them. I found a couple open positions in a nearby school and started applying. I got halfway through the process and talked myself out of it.
Then one day one of my writing commissions asked me to take a bus ride with the district’s superintendent. Not only was he a nice guy, but everywhere we went seemed happy to see him. That impressed me. One of the schools we visited happened to also be the one where I left a partial application.
I went into that school and met the teachers and administrators as a reporter. The next day, they called me in for an interview and offered me the job. Thereafter, I found out that the job wasn’t supposed to be listed and my application wasn’t supposed to be in a pool to interview because it was incomplete. The job came to me when it wasn’t supposed to be mine at all. I took that as God moving and orchestrating things in my life.
My New Chapter
I accepted the teaching job with great joy. I had a lot of support from my colleagues and comfort in the subjects I had to teach because I was already familiar with the material.
What I was not prepared for was the students. Teaching teens really is a lot different than adults. For one, they are not there by choice, so you are fighting uphill against apathy for their attention. The other thing is they are driven by their emotions. Teenagers love, hate, and fight before they even think twice about consequences. In my first semester of teaching them, I had more lockdowns than in all eight years of teaching adults.
Where I am now has been scary, but it is rewarding when even one kid feels safe enough to come to me with his problems and talk them out. Making a difference in their life will be a legacy of change I can be proud of. Teaching teens has started a new chapter in my life.
What Now
I’ve decided to stay the course with teaching, and that means I also have to become a student again to get my teaching license. Every age group has qualifications required to teach it, and I never pursued qualifications to teach kids before. Now I will have to in order to keep my job.
I haven’t stopped the writing business, but it has slowed down to give me room to focus on this new chapter.
The Good News
Expect to see new content on here starting on Mondays at noon this month!
As much as possible, I am building new content for you now. I didn’t have time amidst my other writing jobs and teaching, but I am working on all that now.
I hope you enjoy the new stories. Thank you again for reading.
Recently, I was asked to write on the topic of guilt, and I was surprised to realize I hadn’t already done so. Interwoven between all of the stories I have written so far has been this elusive and plaguing emotion. How do you know when guilt is a good thing? How do you learn from it? What do you do when it’s bad? These are all questions I want to discuss today.
Good vs. Bad
Guilt alone is actually a good thing. It is a warning sign that you may have crossed a moral, ethical, or legal boundary. Feeling guilty is a good if it helps you identify where you have done something wrong and how to fix it. The Bible called this type of guilt “Godly sorrow” because it actually helps point us to how to rebalance ourselves. For example, you may feel guilt for dinging your neighbor’s car, and you won’t feel right until you go tell him and share insurance information.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
2 Corinthians 7:10
“Worldly sorrow” is guilt that festers into a sense of negative self worth and hopelessness. It is a feeling like you will never be worthy of anything good; it’s feeling you are only ever going to be a disappointment and failure. This kind of bad guilt feeds depression and suicidal thoughts. It keeps people trapped in negative spirals and unable to get ahead in life.
How to Learn From Guilt
The first question I ask myself when I feel guilty is why.
To get to the bottom of why you feel guilt, you have to be honest with yourself. Assess your own actions and cycle through your activities. Consider the following questions:
When was the last time I felt free of guilt?
What happened to change that?
Were these events or actions something I did wrong that I need to correct?
If my guilt is not from something I did or said, is it from something I contemplated?
If my guilt is not from anything I have done or thought about, is it from something done or said to me?
The second question I ask myself after I discover the why is whether or not this is my responsibility.
If you know why you are feeling guilty, it is important to screen if your guilt is because of your own values or the expectations of others. For example, you can feel guilt for saying something hurtful to a friend, but you can also feel guilt because someone asked you to do something you haven’t done yet.
Appropriate Guilt vs. Irrational Guilt
Feeling guilt is appropriate for regulating behavior, but it can take a turn for the worst. Some people feel strong connections to their own emotions and the emotions of others and are said to be prone to guilt. Others suffer from irrational guilt where they feel responsible for stuff that is not their fault or they think things are worse than they actually are. For more about how to keep guilt from spiraling out of control, check out this article.
Concluding Thoughts
Guilt is incredibly uncomfortable–but it is meant to better us. I remember, when I was a child, I always felt guilty when I picked on my sibling. That was a good thing because it led me to change my behavior and treat her better. As I got older, I wrestled with guilt over decisions. For example, I felt guilty about choosing a college closer to home versus one that gave me a scholarship to move two states away. In both cases, my guilt caused me to evaluate my beliefs and make better choices.
Sometimes, however, I do struggle with guilt over things beyond my control like hidden secrets or hurting someone’s feelings by accident. What I am learning in these situations is to not obsess about what I cannot control. Rather, I must take life one day at a time and one decision at a time moving forward based on the ideals and values I choose to build my life on.
Your mental health is important, and guilt left unchecked can contribute to anxiety, depression, and a lot of other toxic things. If you struggle with guilt more than occasionally, consider discussing your feelings with a medical professional or counselor to avoid long-term negative effects.
Guest Post by Kate Brenton, Bestselling Author of Rebirth
Recently, I was interviewed by a yoga studio owner that asked a timely question, “You’ve talked a lot about serendipity and signs, but what do you say to the listener that has had no signs? That has had nothing going their way? What would you tell them?”
I smiled quietly into the camera and honestly answered, “I would say that was the last three years of my life and to keep going.”
When we look at someone’s success we don’t see the before, but even more insidious is that when we are really down, for some reason, we have difficulty seeing the possibility. I know I did. I was frustrated because I knew and believed that I created my own perspective, and had the power to change my life, but I was working so hard and nothing was changing. I was perplexed and exhausted.
What I am speaking of here, in this paragraph, to you, is that sometimes we are placed in growth phases where “doing everything right” doesn’t cut it. Life of its own accord has changed the rules, and is asking one thing from us: to surrender. To doers this is the hardest polarity to comprehend.
When I was writing Rebirth, I truly did not know I was mosaicing my own story of growth. It was only when I was writing the second to last chapter that it dawned on me that each story I was sharing for its own merit, was also threading through my own journey. That each chosen marker of wisdom was a talisman on my own path, and the truth of the messy, disorienting, phase I was emerging from was revealing herself. This was not being abandoned or unsuccessful. I was being grown.
What was remarkable to me was that my vision for years was obscured. I had been someone that understood planning, goals and structure, but motherhood and dissolution of a partnership left me tending to things I did not know how to prepare for, and I was always prepared. However, this time Life needed me to move from another muscle set, to lead from a knowing, from a trusting of faith. Something I believed as an idea, but hadn’t used for a life strategy.
Then here I was, a new mom, writing a book at a dining room table that was not my own, because the call had come and I had answered. I remember just before the publishing contract someone saying to me, “You spend a lot of time on that podcast and it doesn’t make any money.”
I was sitting at a table eating, legs crossed, fork in hand; I blinked. I felt a small dip in my stomach, when a voice inside—who I hadn’t heard for awhile—quietly cautioned me that this was not the thing to let go of. Her quietness gave me pause, even as my mind agreed that the podcast was not producing monetarily. I kept a solid face. I gave a non-verbal acknowledgment of the statement and decided to stay the course, with or without support.
And I did, and it worked because of that voice of faith. It wasn’t until the final manuscript was completed two years later, and I was walking my dog around the block, on the phone with my publisher that I realized a great weight was gone. It was not the weight of the book per say. It was the freedom from accomplishing an intent, and a promise I had carried for a very long time. Yes, to write. But moreso, to do what I came here to do. The closer it is to your soul growth, the more you will be tested, and that is why your best course is to surrender and trust the roadmap of faith that will guide you through to your own Rebirth.
Kate Brenton, author, teacher and mother, helps women connect the dots between their purpose and their passion. Her first book Rebirth: Real-life stories about what happens when you let go and let life lead hit #1 on Amazon for New Thought, and can also be found at your favorite bookseller. Once a high school English teacher, Kate spent seven years in Hawaii learning holistic healing and now braids the power of story — whether in the bones or on the page — to inspire and uplift. She teaches online classes and retreats for spiritual development and inspiration. She also hosts a cohort, Sit & Write for mission-led authors.
Today, I introduce you to the four winners of this year’s poetry contest followed by their Instagram handles. Get on over there and follow them neoww.
#1: Buddah Desmond
“Ghosts, Ghostbusting History + Visible / Invisible Lives (Freedom is Ours)”
(@buddahdesmond)
#2: Daphne Ayo
“Uncaged”
(@dee_.vox )
#3: Renita Siqueira
“Allowed to Exist”
(@renitasiqueira)
#4: Rebecca Whitman
“Moment of Truth”
(@rebeccajwhitman)
Congratulations!!
And congratulations to everyone who participated! There would be no contest without your support.
This is the first time we’ve had such a diverse group of winners!
We even have winners from India and Nigeria! Can you guess who it is?
We ultimately chose our winners for receiving high scores in several areas, including beauty, power, education/message, originality, creativity, how closely they followed the submission requirements, and overall impact.
I am incredibly proud of what they will bless you with in these…
Many of you have asked about self-publishing and what steps you need to do to get into it. This post by indie author, Yecheilyah, streamlines the process into a valuable checklist. Check out her other posts for more details about the self-publishing process.
Editing is first for several reasons, one being that I can’t get the book formatted before it has been properly edited. I determine my production schedule on the date the book comes back from editing.
2. Digital and Print Formatting
Now that the book has been edited, it can be formatted for digital and print. Formatting for digital ensures that it flows properly when you read it on your kindle, phone, and other e-devices.
Print formatting is vital to ensure the intended finished size of the book is how I want it. The most common size is 6×9 for a standard paperback. Poetry books tend to be smaller, 5×8, and workbooks are larger, maybe 8×10.
When I published my first poetry book, I chose 8×10. Imagine a poetry book the size of the 8×10 picture on your wall. Yes, it…
One complaint I hear from new Self-Publishers (a lot) is how much they wish they could do what they see other authors doing.
Usually, these are authors they perceive are more successful. I say perceive because you really don’t know what that person is going through, has gone through, or what they sacrificed to be where they are now.
But know this:
You are doing yourself a disservice when comparing your progress to others.
If you’ve published your first book, it is not fair for you to compare yourself to someone publishing their third or fourth book. Your journey will not be the same. Never measure your year one with someone else’s year ten.
My first few books were duds. I’m talking bootleg covers and crappy editing. The only people who bought them were members of my organization at the time—like someone whose church family buys their book.
In May 2022, I had the opportunity to visit the farm you are about to read about, and what I saw impacts me still four months later. You are about to meet two people who believe in hard work and never giving up on a dream. You are about to meet two people whose enthusiasm for farming made me want to be a farmer too–almost.
The one thing I learned that I hope you do too is that enthusiasm is a fire that can set a forest ablaze. When you truly believe in something and pursue it with tenacity–don’t give up, you are living the American Dream.
This elusive thing we all aspire to live looks successful in the long run, but it sometimes looks like failure in the daily grind. The American Dream is not for the faint of heart; it’s for the visionary.
Some people say that younger generations have lost the work ethic to get anything done, but that is not true of all of us. It certainly is not true of the folks at Sand Box Farms. As you read this story, I hope it inspires you to see innovation, hope, and promise in agriculture and in young people with a dream and a steady hand on the plow.
Sand Box Farms
In a little white 1920s farmhouse in Warsaw, one young married couple is proving that the American Dream is still alive. Sand Box Farms was just a high school dream for AJ Searles, a first-generational farmer, who is as comfortable with a power tool as he is behind the wheel of a tractor or standing in front of a crowd talking about his business. “Because AJ is doing this as a new start-up not something he grew up in,” his wife, Krystle Owen explains, “he gets invited to speak often about his experiences and how he got started in the agriculture business.”
Krystle is equally busy and accomplished. She works as an Agronomy Sales Manager for Southern State when she is not busy farming pumpkins, raising cattle, baking cakes, and balancing several upgrade projects at the farm. “We all wear multiple hats and have to be capable of doing any of the jobs here on the farm,” Krystle says. “We couldn’t possibly do this business alone. We are so thankful for the workers we do have and the other business partners that work with us, but turnover in the labor force is high for agriculture. We have to always be ready and moving quickly to stay ahead of the demands of our consumers. In the industry, seasoned farmers are aging out. Soon there will be a gap of need as great in food production as anything we see in other career fields,” Krystle explains.
Beef cattle say hello to an inquisitive visitor.
AJ Searles and Krystle Owen are members of the NC Farm Bureau Young Farmers and Ranchers Association (YF&R), an organization of people between the ages of 18-35 who are interested in agriculture. Members of the organization benefit from the Farm Bureau’s larger mission of advancing the agricultural community through networking and educational opportunities. As members, AJ and Krystle have been able to explore operations and learn new practices in states like Florida, Arizona, and Iowa. AJ Searles and Krystle Owen now serve as Duplin County Representatives on the state committee for YF&R. As representatives of the state, AJ and Krystle had the opportunity to meet with legislators in Washington, D.C. to discuss the long-term impact certain bills would have on young farmers and ranchers.
Your voice does matter, and you need to make it matter by getting involved, making the meetings, and having the face-to-face conversations with leaders who make policies affecting you. You don’t have to travel to D.C. to make a difference. Local town governments are important too, and Duplin County has been extremely welcoming to future generations expressing their needs and concerns.
Krystal Owen
AJ and Krystle hope to encourage young people to see agriculture as a career field with endless opportunities–especially in Duplin County. “We have advantages here because we are within thirty minutes of a lot of what we need. We produce a lot of our own food in North Carolina, and our products are being sent to other states and countries. In Duplin County, we have some of the best soils, and others are interested in investing in that for what we can do here,” Krystle explains. “You don’t have to leave your county to have a good job, and you don’t have to be a farmer either. There are plenty of other jobs that intersect with farming here.”
Even just a day’s experience on a farm can change a person’s life forever. “Farming gives you the opportunity to see and experience the circle of life firsthand,” Krystle says. “Just interacting with the environment teaches you to be incredibly grateful and not wasteful of the food you have. It also builds confidence, leadership skills, and critical thinking skills.” One of the big pushes in the industry now is to monetize this benefit by increasing agri-tourism opportunities. Even though Duplin is a rural county, it still has opportunities to explore in this area.
Farming today is nothing like it was a hundred years ago. While it may look simple and peaceful, farming life is incredibly complex and diverse. Profitability for farming now is a balancing act of monitoring trends, precision planning, and being as efficient as possible with the resources that you have. “Farming is a business. There is more time spent planning than in a tractor or a field. It is a very strategic, thought-out process,” Krystle says.
Stock market supply and demand determine prices; farmers don’t have a say in it. Government regulations hold US farmers to high standards concerning food safety and business practices all the way down to how a plant or animal is fed, produced, and processed. These standards set a high bar for quality that is further backed by distributors wanting GAP Certification to sell their goods. “Many stores like Wal-Mart, Whole Foods, or Harris Teeter won’t even take your product unless it is GAP Certified,” Krsytle says, “but there are lesser quality countries able to produce the same products cheaper with less regulation. Most farmers want to market on a level playing field, and GAP certification is part of that.”
One positive of all the regulations, however, is that it contributes to giving US-made goods a reputation for being better and worth the extra investment. “We have some of the safest food sources around,” Krystle says. “Companies like Carnival Cruise Lines choose us and our products over cheaper options on the market because they know we offer quality goods that are regulated and tracked.”
Technology for farming is continually growing and making it easier for farmers to control what they do from the cab of their tractors, but all that advancement comes at a price. Many farmers live frugal lives and save with the goal of investing in some of this better equipment. “It’s something we all work towards,” Krystle says, “but sometimes we have to start without the technology and use what we’ve got to build the business and make it grow. Not having everything perfect makes you get creative to get the job done,” Krystle says. “For us, success is measured by being smart and diversifying our business to be able to overcome challenges, be good at what we do, and justify our equipment.”
Old shed at Sand Box Farms Various aged equipment at Sand Box Farms Newer truck for hauling
A lot of creativity is required to do well in the farming business. “This year and last, our fertilizer cost went up significantly. It now costs at least three times as much to fertilize the same amount of fields. Also, many of the products we relied on are just going back into production which means they are going to be at least two weeks behind making it to the farms,” Krystle explains. “We have to look for alternative sources of fertilizer or we are forced to buy more expensive options and find other ways to offset cost in other areas of the business.”
Despite all these challenges, most farmers describe what they do as a lifestyle and a calling; they feel drawn to protect and steward the land for the next generations. Even though AJ and Krystle don’t have children yet, they still plan for them today. From the small details of having a bolt bin for parts to the larger details of planning how to repurpose the older buildings and bring new ones, they think about the lives that will be lived on their farm.
“What I hope, is that more land owners will be interested in partnering with new growers to rent their properties and keep the land producing agriculturally instead of turning it over into commercial land,” Krystle says. Landowners interested in connecting with potential renters for their land or young persons interested in developing an agriculture business are encouraged to reach out to YF&R.
Do you struggle to pick up the Bible and read it? Are you someone with multiple versions and study tools but no clue how to use them? The purpose of this post is to help you find a way to ease Bible reading into your life and create sustainable reading patterns.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Matthew 5:6
From one of Christ’s most known sermons comes an admonition with a promise: thirst for righteousness will be filled. Why? Because God desires a people that desire Him; He won’t leave you stranded when you search for Him. The point is not perfection. The point is just to start.
There are many ways to approach the Bible. One of the easiest methods is known as the S.O.A.P. method.
S.O.A.P. is a simple way to break down any scripture and make it practical. The anacronym stands for:
Scripture
Read a passage from the Bible and write it down in your journal. Some people choose to write out the whole scripture because it helps them remember it. Others paraphrase it or just write the reference.
Observation
Write down any observations that you make about the passage. For example, note who is speaking, who are they talking to, why they may be talking about that subject, etc.
This is also a good time to note any questions you may have about the text. For example, note any terms you are not familiar with, so you can research them and find their meaning.
Application
This is when you start translating the scriptures you read into your everyday life. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and find answers by digging deeper for contextual meaning.
Write down questions you have about the Scripture. Dig deeper with a concordance to find other scriptures related to the one you read, and read them too. Use a dictionary and commentaries to discern contextual meaning of words.
Translate what you learn into actionable steps you can apply to your life.
Prayer
This is where you connect with God and talk about what you have learned. Ask Him to help you commit the Word to memory and apply it to your life.
It’s a good idea to write down prayers in your journal because they can serve as mile markers on your journey when you look back on your writing and see how God has answered them.
S.O.A.P. is an effective way to approach any scripture and make it practical, but it is not the only way to read and learn. You can also do a noun study focused on a specific person, place, thing, or idea. You can also focus on a specific book and read that. This article goes into detail explaining five ways to approach Scripture. This article shows you how to deep dive on a scripture with the Inductive method.
Whatever method you choose, commit to it daily for at least a week. New habits form into lifestyles after a month of exposure to them.
What tools do you need?
First and foremost, you need a Bible. There are many different translations available. Choose a Bible that translates the established Canon with accuracy. Some of the reputable versions include the New International Version (NIV), New Living Translation (NLT), New King James Version (NKJV), and the Amplified Bible (AMP). Pick one that is reputable, in your native language, and clear enough that you can read it without too much of a struggle over language. While it is not harmful to read a translation Bible, it is important to know the difference between versions and translations. Only versions go back to the actual original text to translate them forward into modern language. This can be an important distinction when it comes to accuracy in the text.
When you study, it is a good idea to have something to take notes. It is helpful to keep a journal. Journaling records progress and can be a source of encouragement when you are feeling low. Many new journals have a space at the front for an index. If you list your prayers by page number, you can easily go to specific ones as God answers them, update them, and reflect.
If you are not opposed to writing in your Bible, it is a good idea to have Bible-safe pens and highlighters to mark Scriptures that stand out to you. Because Bible pages are usually thin and printed on both sides, you want a highlighter specially made for it. Anything else will bleed through to the other side of the page. Bible highlighters are available at any major book store. Safe writing pens are also available.
If you are finding yourself studying on the move, consider screenshoting what you read and type your notes in a writing app on your phone.
Need a Plan?
If you learn best by having a plan to follow, you are in good company. Most readers respond well to being told a given plan of verses to read through a specific frame of time. There are even Bibles organized to read them in chronological order.
Many Bible reading apps offer free reading plans. Here is a link to a free reading plan from Billy Graham ministries.
Do you connect better to music than writing?
If music is your thing, consider downloading the free app, Verses.
Verses gives you scripture in theme-based playlists. Most of the songs have a gentle, folksy acoustic style, and they are sung by talented artists. It is a good way to get scriptures stuck in your memory. A reader is also available to audio read the Bible.
Final Thoughts
Reading the Bible is all about connecting with God on a daily basis and inviting Him into our everyday lives.
The goal is to hear from God and find direction and comfort for your personal situation.
The most important tool you have to accomplish that is your consistency.
Overcome your fear and doubt by turning the page and doing the work.
From Genesis to Revelation, God’s Word is your guide to abundant living–so do not neglect it.
10 Tips to Create a Social Media Platform That Promotes Your Business (Not Controls It)
By Rebecca J. Whitman
No matter how long you have been in business, you have most likely heard that you need to have some sort of presence online. Some advise having a page on Facebook. Others say that’s not enough; you need a website too. Still, others say you are going nowhere without a presence on major social media channels including Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. With so much busy work involved in promoting your business, where is the time left to work on your business? In this post, we will debunk the myths surrounding social media marketing and help you get started with creating an online presence that works for you and your business.
What is an online presence?
An online presence is when a business does not just exist in a physical location but is also represented online. In most cases, an online presence consists of a website or public page and social media accounts on at least two different platforms.
Why is being online important for small businesses?
According to Forbes magazine, most potential customers check out an organization online before they ever consider supporting it in person. If you want to increase readership, bring in new clients, and increase customer conversions, you need a website and social media presence.
Who manages an online presence for a small business?
Social media marketing encompasses most of the busy work of having an online presence. Some businesses have employees hired exclusively to manage media and marketing. Others hire marketing firms to handle the work externally. For most of us, social media starts very do-it-yourself with what you can personally understand and maintain.
Regardless of where you are in the scale of your social media marketing, the important thing is to have a plan, have fun, and be consistent.
What are the different social media platforms good for?
Social media platforms continue to grow, evolve, and change over time. What is important is not what seems popular to someone else but what you personally enjoy using and what you think is a platform your potential customers use. Social media marketing only really works when you are consistent, and you won’t be consistent if you can’t stand using the platform.
When you think about your customers, look for a platform that also serves your ideal customer base and product line.
Currently, the top 4 social media platforms are Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. This fluctuates over time, but Facebook and Instagram have stayed pretty consistent for many years.
Facebook
Facebook is the oldest of the four and keeps the oldest demographic. Most Millennials consider it outdated, but older generations gravitate to it because they understand it. Social groups connect easily through Facebook Groups and Pages. Media can be scheduled to appear on Pages but not individual Profiles. Live video, stock video, still images, and text can be posted freely on Facebook, but they will be monitored. If anything is deemed a copyright infringement (like singing the cover of someone else’s song) or is even remotely offensive (like an anti-vaccination post), it will be pulled from the internet. Facebook is highly censored.
Instagram
Instagram is actually owned and operated by Facebook, but it is a completely different platform. Instagram is image-driven material; no text can post without a still image or video reel. It makes Instagram appeal to visually motivated crowds including travelers and artists. Mini reels of vacation getaways, art tutorials, performances, and more are shared on Instagram. Some Millennials have Instagram accounts, but it is primarily used by GenX, Celebrities, and Influencers. Instagram does stick to a distinctive square shape, so images shared from other platforms can often get the edges of their graphics cut off. Instagram is also not friendly with hyperlinks to external sources, so it is hard to use it to link to a personal website or resource.
Twitter
Twitter has faced some controversy recently concerning fake accounts and buyouts, but it is still an account used by many real people too. Twitter focuses on very short phrases and links to external sources. It is news-driven and appeals to a politically charged audience. It is not a good place for a rant because the character lengths are limited, but it can be a great place to share business-minded posts.
TikTok
TikTok is a relatively new platform that focuses on a constant stream of short videos. There is very little room to add text or link to external sources on TikTok. It appeals to those who love to consume massive amounts of content with little to no filters. Imagine a social media version of YouTube, and you have a close idea of how it works. TikTok is primarily popular with Millennials.
How do you create an online platform that is not overwhelming?
Managing social media for your business can be overwhelming, but you have to keep it in its place. Remember that it is a necessary part of marketing yourself, but it is not the business, it is not you, and it can’t run you. The key to not being overwhelmed by social media presence is to 1) Focus on one or two platforms that you enjoy using NOT all of them, 2) Create a plan for what and how often you want to post, 3) Have fun with it, and 4) Stay consistent.
Social media is a great place to try out new ideas and poll your audience for their likes and dislikes. With active followers, you can often learn as much from their engagement as you can from anything else you do for your business. Learning how to be more effective makes it fun.
I also find it really helpful to chunk as much work together as possible to save time and avoid scrambling the day a post is due. Remember: you set your own schedule, so make it something you can reasonably maintain. With the exception of influencers, most people post new content once a week.
What is a social media calendar?
A social media calendar is a schedule showing what you are going to post, when you will post it, and where you will post it. Calendars are extremely helpful for pre-planning media and structuring campaigns. This is how a post can build on a prior post and point readers to specific actions. Planning creates positive outcomes.
Planning also makes it clear where you need to put in extra work and where you can chunk work and save time. When it comes to technology, always allow more time than you thought it would take to get the job done. The power goes out, and the internet dog eats your homework in social media marketing too. 😉
How and why should you schedule posts?
Scheduling posts takes the stress out of social media posting and blogging. As much as possible, you should use these tools to be proactive in your business and work ahead of your deadlines. Working ahead gives you the freedom to do other things–especially create more content and work on the projects that you love.
Depending on the platform, there is usually a way to schedule a post to appear at a later date. This feature is often only available on the desktop version of the platform. With Facebook and Instagram, there is a wonderful free tool called Meta Business Suite that lets you schedule posts across both platforms, individualize them, and work months in advance. The Meta Business Suite also gives audience insights including what days and times are best for you to post to reach your followers. (All that creepy “they are watching you” info is finally put to good for your business.)
What are some tools you can use to create graphics?
Some graphics tools are built into the sites for you. TikTok has its own audio clips and filters. Instagram has formats and filters for reels and photos. What I like best is creating graphics using Canva. Canva is a mostly free app that can be used on your mobile device or desktop. It cloud stores all your work, so you can access it across multiple devices easily. It keeps on top of the trends for good-looking graphics, and it auto-formats them to fit the space you are putting them in. If you are like me, you can make one graphic to share across all platforms by using a standard Instagram size or leaving a ¼-inch bleed around the edges of your image.
How do you learn new trends and techniques for social media marketing?
There is always something to learn for social media and marketing. Challenge yourself to learn something new about your technology as well as what the market trends are currently. HubSpot is a marketing firm that knows a lot about its business. You can research topics in their blog or sign up for free newsletters to learn something new throughout the week.
If you are a visual learner, you have a wealth of tutorials on YouTube. Curious how to create a reel on Instagram? Google it, and you will find a list of tutorials available on YouTube. This one with Stephanie Kase was very helpful, and it led to a whole channel of other helpful videos.
When do you know it is time to change your online presence?
Changing your online presence and marketing plan is usually necessary if you have been doing the same thing for a considerable amount of time but not creating new traffic to your business. You may need to do more research or switch to another time and day for posting. You may also need to consider moving to a different platform. For consultations about your existing media and personalized help to make it better, feel free to reach out to me.
By Rhonda Jessup, Director of Public Relations at the University of Mount Olive
Brendan Hooker of Garner had a rocky start in life. A child of divorce, he struggled with his identity, family connections, and friend choices.
“I considered myself to have been a rather difficult person to get along with until I found religion near the end of high school,” he admits. “Mental health issues and a general feeling of being unwanted made me act out in ways I’m not proud of.”
Once Hooker found Jesus Christ, he said, “I began to improve myself on moral grounds, as well as tackle the internal struggles that were negatively influencing my well-being.”
Hooker became a kinder and more outgoing person. Rather than avoiding him, people began to gravitate toward Hooker. “I was finally able to accept myself, and I became comfortable associating with others,” he said. “I began to form positive relationships that opened up fantastic opportunities to me.”
One of those opportunities came about during his studies at the University of Mount Olive (UMO), where Hooker was a student from the fall of 2018 until the spring of 2022. Majoring in English and minoring in psychology, Hooker accepted an internship during the spring of his senior year with the History Department at Wayne County Public Library. “One of my English professors, Dr. Alexis Poe-Davis, actually recommended the position to me,” he said.
During the six-week internship, Hooker’s responsibilities included attending lectures, helping teach classes on genealogy resources, and assisting other librarians. His favorite part of the job was writing for the library’s monthly newsletter, “The Big Ditch.” “I was really able to put my writing skills to work,” he said.
Hooker enjoyed the experience so much that, at the close of the internship, he applied for and accepted a position as a Digital Navigator. Since then, he has been promoted to Library Assistant/Public Relations Coordinator, effective August 1. In this new role, he will soon relocate to the Mount Olive branch of the Wayne County library system.
“My internship helped me to realize that libraries have so many great resources to offer in addition to books,” Hooker said. “My ultimate take-away is that you should take an opportunity when it is presented to you.”
Hooker plans to seek his librarian certification as he continues his passion of public service within Wayne County Government. He currently resides in Warsaw, NC.
“I am so grateful for the life-long bonds I formed while at UMO,” he said. “The quality of education that I received from my professors will help me achieve anything I set my mind to accomplishing.”
The University of Mount Olive is a private institution rooted in the liberal arts tradition with defining Christian values. The University is sponsored by the Convention of Original Free Will Baptists. For more information, visit www.umo.edu.
If you ask Google about mentorship, you will get all kinds of results. It will define the term, explain its purpose, tell you there are different types, and even advise about romance between mentors and mentees.
There is nothing wrong with Googling how to do what you want to do, but at some point you need guidance specific to you. That’s where mentorship comes in. Mentorship is available everywhere at every level from close friends who can give you free advice to paid memberships and hired professionals.
Mentorship is a Biblical concept. It is the idea that one generation (often older) has something to teach or give to another (often younger). It is about generations working together to glean wisdom that only time and experience can give you.
Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximize their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be.
Types of Mentoring
Traditional One-on-one Mentoring
A mentee and mentor are matched, either through a program or on their own.
Distance Mentoring
A mentoring relationship in which the two parties (or group) are in different locations.
Group Mentoring
A single mentor is matched with a cohort of mentees.
Every major decision of your life ought to be confirmed (through prayer and fasting, going to the Bible, talking to your spouse, getting counsel from your pastor, and talking with close Christian friends).
It should not just be you alone. You don’t just walk through any opened door.
Jantzen Franklin, The Legacy Study Bible
How To Know When You Need A Mentor
I believe it is important to seek out mentorship for any major decisions or life changes in your life. It is an act of wisdom to seek the wisdom of people with more experience and success in the areas that you are stepping into.
But how do you tell the difference between needing mentorship for a moment, a season, or a lifetime?
Mentorship length is determined by the need. If what you are needing council on is just a few decisions, you may only need to consult someone in a few sessions. If you are experiencing a roadblock or needing to gain knowledge in a certain area you are stretching to, you probably need a mentor for a season. If you are experiencing continuous transitions like business startups, growth, and expansion, you probably need a mentor that can help guide you through all those changes over a lifetime.
How do you pick a mentor?
When you are looking for a mentor, look at two things: what you need them for and who you know that has done that work successfully. If you don’t know someone successful in that area, do research and find someone. A lot of times friends and mentors who have helped you in the past can suggest good resources for your next level of need. Remember to be mindful to consider mentors that reflect like-minded faith.
Mentorship is a partnership that is often long-term, so you want mentors that you can get along with personally as well as admire professionally. If they are where you want to be or past it, that is a good sign. Of equal or greater importance, however, is that they share your faith.
Where do you find a mentor?
Once you determine who you know that has had success in your area of need, you have a list of contacts to approach for mentorship. Start by asking the successful people you know if they would be willing to mentor you. If you don’t know anyone successful in your area of need, research people who are and message them about mentorship.
Be reasonable in your expectations and vet the people you research. You can’t expect Jeff Bezos to personally teach you how to be the next big online marketplace, but you can find people online who will teach you how to sell well in an online market. To prove they are worth your investment, check out their work and Google their customer reviews. What other people say about working with them can be very telling. Don’t invest time or money unless you see proven results of what you want to achieve.
Why is a person’s faith important when determining who you should get for mentorship?
Scripture teaches us that we become what we believe, and we become like those we spend our time around. While it may be possible to takeaway universal truths from people outside your faith (like when you read a book from a secular artist), it is more likely that the outside faith will influence your belief system if you build a relationship with them where you are seeking their guidance.
The Christian faith is one that grows based on individual study of the Bible and partnership with Godly Christian mentors. Our faith waters down and steps away from Christianity completely if we step away from the Bible and follow guidance not based on it. So it is very important who you choose to be your mentor.
Should you pay for a mentor?
This is one I struggled with, but the answer is that sometimes paying for a mentor is necessary. There is an old saying that says “you get what you pay for”. In mentorship, if your only advice is free advice, you are not always given priority. When you pay for mentoring services, you are investing in yourself and your business as if you were pursuing a college degree in the area you are needing help with. Don’t be ashamed of needing to pay for someone to help you, and don’t be too cheap to think everything you pursue should be free. The best counselors charge for their time, and those rates vary often by how successful they are. Even if the rates are high, find a counselor that will work with you on a payment plan. It is worth it.
Final Thoughts
I have had both free and paid mentorship. When I first started my business, I relied a lot on close friends to help me with their free advice from their experience in the business. I also did a lot of research and signed up for all sorts of free resources like the amazing wealth of knowledge about remote jobs at Home Working Club and marketing insight from HubSpot.
Later, I realized I needed to grow in knowledge beyond our areas, so I invested in subscription-based mentorship with Matt Tommey Mentoring and Hope Writers.
The problem with subscription-based mentoring for me was there was little to no accountability. I had paid a lot of money to get into the system, but I was barely using it, so it made little impact on my business. Later, I made friends with other users in the subscriptions, and that helped me use them more for learning.
I got to a place where I was roadblocked personally and professionally. I didn’t know how to move forward, and it was effecting my mental health. I started to not care about life. I discovered I was actually afraid of being successful. That’s when I realized I needed to hire a recruiter and relationship coach.
Making that decision was hard for me because it was a big financial investment, but the return on my investment was immediate. I had daily texts, insight, and assignments. I had a whole path to follow to get out of my roadblocks, and I had people with proven success guiding me.
No matter where you are in your level of need, I hope you realize that your life and time is valuable. Don’t waste time trying to figure out everything on your own. Seek a mentor.
On Wednesday, June 29th, an Australian inventor from Crocodile Dundee country visited Duplin County to show pork farmers a way to turn the sludge in their lagoons into additional revenue.
Inventor and founder of Phinite, Jordan Phey, was a water engineer working to bring “simple and robust safe water treatments” for aboriginal people in northern Australia. He discovered two technologies to make money from water, and he began the process of developing them. In 2016, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) held a contest called the Nutrient Recycling Challenge. Phey entered his invention in the challenge and won an award at the White House for being one of the 10 best ideas in the world. Smithfield Foods was a judge in the competition, and they were so impressed with Phey’s work that they invited him to North Carolina.
First, Phinite partnered with the NC Department of Soil and Water Conservation to conserve water in a wetland in Bladen County in 2019. In 2021, The Department of Soil and Water Conservation secured a Project Impact Grant to help make the technology accessible for farmers. “We have spent 16 million dollars in projects so far,” Executive Director Amanda Sand said. “We consider ourselves a conservation incubator.”
Phinite learned a lot from the wetland project and began to see the changes necessary to make their product commercially helpful for farmers. “Lack of access to cost effective drying systems is why farmers have such a big problem with waste today,” Jordan Phey said. “I felt this was a problem worth solving.”
Jordan explains his drying systems process to farmers.
Phinite is a drying system that mines solids from hog lagoons and dries them in onsite drying stations using natural air flow and remotely operated equipment. Within 4-6 weeks, a batch of manure–approximately 100 tons–is dried. Then it is crushed and put through screen filters to prepare it for market. “We are in the business of mining solids,” Jordan Phey explained. “Solids are where the good minerals are, and 30% of them are within a foot of the liner in lagoons.” Phinite uses long-reach back hoes and other custom designed equipment to mine lagoons. They are able to harvest two years of manure for every one year of waste production. Set up in a research and test site on Dexter Edwards’ farm, they plan to have all the kinks worked out of the product and able to use them on farms as early as this October.
Phinite handles the whole process from mining to market sales and returns a percentage of the sales to the farmer as a return of investment on their asset. Initial costs to install the equipment as well as some small maintenance is the responsibility of the farmer, but the difficult technical operations and everything else are managed by Phinite.
Dexter Edwards, Don Butler, and Jordan Phey talk to pork farmers about Phinite Drying Systems.
Long term pork farmer, Phinite investor, and Phinite North American Representative Don Butler said, “in order to be successful, we have to address one of the biggest issues in North Carolina and that is our accumulating sludge. Phinite takes a problem and turns it into an asset. We think we have a valuable product that is perfectly timed for what is happening in the market (with fertilizer availability and cost). We view this as an ongoing mining operation with a revolving service.”
Dexter Edwards, an executive with Smithfield Foods and one of the largest pork farmers in the state, said, “we’ve had a lot of people come to us claiming they had a solution. (We are well known for and made rich by our pork, turkey, and chicken products.) We are overproducing our product but today we have a solution that turns the waste burden into a product itself. I invested in bringing this to my property as long as Phinite was committed to making the changes to make it work. We are only time away from having this become a money maker for Duplin County. What we are going to be able to have is something that helps everyone. We will remove the argument that we are over producing (and we will have) a product to return to the farmland.”
Dexter Edwards is known for being a frugal investor, but the Phinite operations on his farm are considerably large. He is not the only investor that sees Phinite as a working solution. HogSlat, Prestige Farms, and several other large family farms have invested in the company. Farmers interested in having a Phinite Drying System are encouraged to contact the company through their website, via email to: info@phinite-us.com, or by calling 910-337-5662.
In last week’s post we discussed overcoming loneliness by getting outside of your social isolation and meeting people. Something we didn’t discuss is the attitude we have towards others that can hold us back. Something else not in that conversation is the diversity of different cultural experiences coming together to learn from each other.
The following video is an excellent discussion from two respectful authorities in Christian leadership. Please take the time to watch the full video. It’s excellent insight into what it means to be culturally diverse and share your heart with others.
Wise thinking leads to right living; Stupid thinking leads to wrong living. Fools on the road have no sense of direction. The way they walk tells the story: “There goes the fool again!”
Ecclesiastes 10:2-3 MSG
Whether you are alone in a crowded room or struggling in isolation trying to connect with real people, loneliness is something we all face at different times in our lives. How you choose to handle it can change the course of your entire future. There are predators right now banking on you getting it wrong.
Loneliness is a dangerous place because we want connection so desperately that we often bend our rules to get it. In today’s post, we will talk about the dangers to avoid and some positive ways to tackle loneliness when it comes.
If it is a normal part of life, how is loneliness dangerous?
Loneliness becomes dangerous when it is coupled with isolation, bad thoughts, and negative influences.
In isolation, we tell ourselves we are ugly and unlovable. We build up others to be our arch nemesis, and we seek retribution. In extremes, this plays out as gun violence, suicide, online scams, and so much more.
Is it really extreme to connect loneliness to violent, tragic behavior? I think not.
A recent study found that loneliness brought on by social isolation can profoundly alter one’s brain chemistry, shorten longevity, and even bring the onset of serious illnesses. Another study argues that suicide rates are increasing since all the social isolation of the Covid-19 pandemic. Suicide and social isolation are now considered public health crises.
4 Ways to Counteract Loneliness
Read The Bible
When your heart is discouraged and your mind fills with negative thoughts, the Word of God is living and active to cut through the noise.
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
Reading Scriptures that encourage you to take control of your thoughts and think positively will help you keep perspective in the hard times of life.
Meet People In Real Life
As long as you are being careful, there is nothing wrong with having friends online. Several friends I dearly care for are online, overseas, and in places where I may never see them in person. With that being said, I reserve my deepest friendships for those whom I can see in person.
I think it is important to be able to trust others in person. I don’t tell my personal business to the entire world—even if I do get quite transparent here to all of you. The truths I struggle with on a daily basis, I talk to a few close friends about.
Some people have social anxiety. Some are afraid of meeting others because of Covid-19 and all its variants. Bottom line: you can’t let fear control you. Challenge yourself to do something different that makes you meet others.
Get A Hobby
If you struggle to meet others, the easiest way to do so is through your hobbies. Find something to do that is not isolating you or keeping you online.
If your hobby is gaming, look at what you like about that game and how you could do something positive in real life with it. If you are an active shooter gamer, maybe there is a gun range you can practice shooting at or some hunters you can connect with and go hunting. If you are a VR and lifestyle gamer, maybe there is an animal shelter you can volunteer at and meet people there or a short course at the local community college that speaks to your enterprising, creative, and entrepreneurial spirit.
If you are really good at handmade crafts, find a group that likes to craft together and donate to charity. Consider making stuff to sell and setting up at a craft fair. You can make more than money from that hobby; you make friendships with other crafters.
Get Outside
Exposure to sunlight is said to increase the brain’s release of the hormone, serotonin, that makes you feel happier, calmer, and more focused.
Think about that! Your body’s basic chemistry is telling you that it is not good to be inside all the time.
Go for a walk around the block. Go to a park or nature reserve, take a picnic, and spend some time there. Jump in a kayak and explore the river. Put on a harness and scale a rock wall. The world is your oyster.
Final Thoughts
When you challenge yourself to do something positive and different, you change the norms that you have been living in. When you change your norms, your life becomes better almost overnight. When your life becomes better, you attract people you want to be like and be around. When you start spending time together, your loneliness loses its voice.
Being busy doesn’t end loneliness. Being vulnerable with people you can trust does.
Mankind was not built to live life alone. Find people you are interested in that can uplift you, and invest the time it takes to earn their trust. Use your words to communicate clearly, and be patient with the time it takes to develop that connection into a deep relationship.
Early this month, Elon Musk backed out of a 44 Billion dollar deal to buy Twitter because of “a continual disagreement over the number of spam accounts on the platform”. According to this article in the NY Times, the deal was made on a whim in the first place and Twitter will most likely fight him in court to keep it. Twitter claimed to have 217 million active users by the end of 2021, and Musk was supposed to pay $54.20 per share to own it. Even if his personal love of using the platform got him into the talk, it only makes sense for Musk to look into it more before seriously spending that much on it.
I think this hesitation is an opportunity to expose a much bigger issue at play on all social media platforms.
Con Artists and Human Traffickers on Social Media
I’ve written about this before with some of my own experiences with romance scams, but the biggest problem with social media now is the unknown percentage of it that is either a bot or a physical person lying about who they are. When someone lies for financial gain, they can say beautiful heartfelt things but the truth is that they became heartless long before they met you.
My experience was with a lot of stolen valor and romance scams. First, there was the Army Ranger who really stole my heart with his incredible honor, respectful words, and military service. Then it was dozens of fake accounts on dating websites like POF. I thought it would be better on Christian dating sites, but it wasn’t; even the sites themselves were corrupt. So I gave up on online dating and tried to make meaningful relationships in person. That is hard to do when everyone you meet just wants to keep you in the friend zone. Then, as my business grew, so did the number of strangers reaching out to me online for business. LinkedIn and Instagram accounts propositioned me for business investments and partnerships. If it wasn’t a multi-level marketing deal with a 4-digit buy-in, it was something similar investing in Crypto-currency.
Beverly Weeks of Cry Freedom Ministries says that human trafficking starts with stalking prey online as friends. Whole relationships are formed over a cyber connection before they ever meet in person and, when they do, sexual favors become a requirement of the interaction. Today, people I don’t know like my posts online and follow me on social media. Many of them go forward and message me compliments about how I look. Many people now don’t feel safe to even entertain comments on social media from strangers. I didn’t want to close that door myself, so I let myself say hello back. What ensued was probably the most hurtful experience of my dating past online.
An Example of Social Media Manipulation
John Fedrick Williams was a single father–an E7 Gunnery Sargeant in the Marines deployed to Yemen. He messaged me through Instagram then Google Hangouts/Google Chat.
We talked about everything. We talked about “our daughter” and made plans that moved very quickly. He sent me pictures and videos; I made him special graphics. He proposed to me; I tried on and bought a wedding dress!
When I received a large sum of money, it seemed only natural to tell him about it.
One day when John was talking to me, enemy gunfire rained in on him. He survived, but it scared him so badly that he became convinced that he would die if he went on the next mission–to pursue the invaders. I tried to talk and pray him away from his fears, but he became obsessed with applying for leave. He had his daughter’s babysitter reach out to me via email and vouch for his character, and he sent me bank information to pay for his leave. The account showed that he had over a million dollars in the bank but no access to it. When that bank payment fell through, he asked me to pay. When I refused, I was told I was “leaving him to die” and how could I do that to “our family”. When I still didn’t budge, he called me (on my VOIP number). I heard his voice and knew it wasn’t the same person I had fallen for in all the pictures and videos. I ended it cold right then, but I still missed him. Even knowing he was a lie, I wanted to have him in my life.
Why People Lie Online
Unfortunately, a lot of people get stuck in that spiral. They feel ignored, and they long to be loved, so they accept attention wherever they can get it. Social media fills that void.
You can be whoever you want to be online!
Life is glamourous and rich there. You can follow your favorite celebrities and be a part of their lives as they share on social media. You can dream about vacations and nice things. You can post your best moments, your best angles, and always look put together and your best online.
No one talks about the times they ugly cry to songs on their Spotify or grunge all day in pajamas and junk food with last night’s makeup on and their hair in a bun.
Even with no bad intentions for the world around us, we all lie a little on social media because of the way we want to be perceived in the world.The difference is that some people make a living out of telling lies and using others.
Legitimate money can be made online through advertisement and marketing, but that all depends on having a product to sell that is worth buying. What happens when the product is an emotional connection? That’s when certain people steal identities, pretend to be someone else, and get others to send them money and/or pay for stuff for them.
The High-Value Haves
A high-value have, in my definition, is someone that generates a lot of attention and potential revenue through their online presence. According to a recent statistic, over 50% of celebrities are active online, and that data is strategic for fan engagement. Social media helps celebrities continue to have the support they need to do what they do–but it also makes them targets for people wanting to catch some portion of their success. Entrepreneur Magazine did an article that suggested 1-in-4 people create fake accounts online. Some of that was for reasons not connected at all to identity theft, but still sad nonetheless.
I followed a page for one of my favorite recording artists, Brandon Lake. I was surprised when he messaged me back personally! The awe and excitement of talking with him wore off, however, when he asked me where North Carolina is. The real Brandon Lake is a worship pastor in Charleston, South Carolina–directly south of North Carolina.
Another group of high-value haves on social media is public service workers and military service members. There is just something attractive–even trustworthy–about a person in a uniform. Real public service workers work as volunteers or low-paid civil servants. Real service members don’t make a lot of money until they move up in rank–and that takes years of service. In both cases, these people serve faithfully for wages that make some of them still qualify for food stamps. Scammers take images of service members and public workers and create accounts claiming to be them. They bank on the patriotic heart of an American to support them in dollars when they ask for it.
One person I met had all his images taken from Instagram and used to create over six different accounts in his name across Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. He kept reporting them, but they kept showing up.
For more about how to love and protect yourself online in the military, read this article.
Final Thoughts and My Top 5 Recommendations
If you are a high-value have, your best bet is to avoid social media platforms altogether.
Social media is useful for inspiring ideas and staying connected with loved ones, but it is constantly putting your identity at risk because it is not carefully monitored.
Between April and June of last year, Facebook reported removing 1.7 billion fake accounts–and that was just one site and not even half a year! Scam accounts are out of hand and, many times, they are barely acknowledged when they are reported by the victims directly.
I recommend the following if you choose to stay on social media:
Limit what you share to only be the stuff you wouldn’t mind even your enemies knowing about you
Set your shares to private
Reduce or cut off completely the number of stranger messages you respond to
Search your own name periodically to identify and report fake versions of you
Migrate to Daily Testify if you are Christian and want a safer place to socialize online
I hope this helps you all stay safer out there.
Thanks for reading! Please share this post with all your friends on social media.
Originally published in Summer SENC Magazine, Adams Publishing Company
ByRebecca J. Whitman
Stained glass is nothing new to artist Kim S. Joy; she’s been creating in it since 1982. Kim found the beauty of making art in glass through a stained glass class in New Mexico, and she followed that experience with an apprenticeship there to really learn the business. By 2004, she became a full-time stained glass artist living in eastern Virginia, selling her work, and teaching classes. In addition to teaching classes out of her home studio, Kim taught stained glass to interested students in community centers such as Fort Belvoir Arts and Crafts Center, Arlington Adult Education, and Fairfax County Parks and Recreation.
Artist Kim S. Joy with some of her signature custom pieces
Swirls of color and geometric shapes with a recognizable nod to Frank Lloyd Wright capture Kim’s personal style. Sometimes Kim allows the glass itself to speak to her. Like the Tiffany glass that was custom created to create drape within the glass itself, sometimes the glass pour is so beautiful that Kim frames it as is without any cutting. Other Kim S. Joy pieces capture your imagination–like the non-traditional mixed media of round blue and purple waves cut around a hanging fabric of woven fibers. “It’s not your grandma’s stained glass,” Kim remarks. Originality is important in all art forms including stained glass. “If you are going to just create not for sale pieces, there are plenty of pattern books, but once you start working in glass then you want to make it yours and unique instead of like everybody else’s work,” Kim said.
In 2018, Kim moved to North Carolina and opened Art Happens at 106 Tarboro Street in Wilson. Above the door to the store, there is a stained glass panel of a thistle. Kim designed the panel as a nod to her Scottish heritage, and it has served as the original logo design of her business. Guests to the studio are welcomed by the colorful pieces throughout the studio, the expansive work space, and a playfully exuberant pup, Fred.
The artist, Kim S. Joy, and her studio dog, Fred
While abstract art is her favorite, Kim recognizes the need to do other things. “What I like and what other people may like is not the same thing, so you have to do a little bit of everything,” she says. To meet that diversity, Kim carries everything from stained glass jewelry to lamps, boxes, and simple panels.
More than sold pieces, Kim finds that a lot of her business is actually in teaching classes and selling supplies. “A supply store that everyone used in Raleigh closed,” Kim said, “so many of those customers found me to buy their supplies from.” Kim carries all the necessary basic tools, solder, and flux as well as an impressive glass collection. Her glass collection includes vintage makers that no longer exist as well as known brands like Spectrum, Oceanside, Bullseye, and Youghiogheny. Imported glasses like Verrerie de St. Just from France are also in her collection. Stained glass artists can buy sheets of glass for $5-95 a sheet, or they can buy scraps by the pound for $3 a pound.
Though she stays busy and could drive sales for supply in our area, that is not Kim’s passion. “I consider myself a teacher more than a salesperson,” Kim said. “I like creating stained glass and working with people on commissioned pieces. A lot of repairs come in here, and I love that too because it’s like trying to fix a puzzle without taking the whole thing apart.” There are limitations to the types of projects that Kim can take on. Church windows, for example, are not something that she will take on restoring.
Many people interested in stained glass can get surprised by the cost involved in just having the right equipment. “If you had to buy all new equipment, it would be over $400 in tools and you don’t even know if you’re going to like doing stained glass or any good at it really,” Kim says. Kim suggests people interested in stained glass sign up for a class first. With classes at Art Happens, the tools are provided on loan as part of the cost of the class itself, and students have the benefit of an experienced artist helping them avoid making mistakes that can ruin their projects.
In Art Happens classes, students only buy the glass and sundries (copper foil, solder, etc.) used in their specific project. “We start out with a 12×16 panel with 14 different patterns to choose from..but you go home at the end of it all with a finished product at the end of the class,” Kim explains. “It just makes it a lot easier if everybody is on the same plan in the class…and it is less stressful for everyone. If this is the only piece they will ever make, we want to make it worthwhile.” The stained glass panel class is a seven week long course that meets once a week for 2.5 hours each session. Other classes include nightshades, lamps, boxes, jewelry, yard art, kaleidoscopes, and pet memorials. “It’s just things that people have asked for,” Kim says, explaining the diverse mix of classes.
Following COVID, people spent a lot more time at home and began looking for something to do with their down time. Kim believes that this led to an across the board interest in the arts. “Classes are pretty full around here, not just in stained glass,” Kim said. “The Arts Council here has sold out classes as well. Doing any form of handiwork is therapeutic. It gets you out of the stress you had that day and gives you the chance to explore your own creativity.”
After 20 years of growing in skill and mastery of her craft, Kim has a lot of wisdom to pass on to future glass artists. “Stay true to yourself. When you think that stained glass isn’t alive or worthwhile doing, keep doing it. There were times, over my life, when the market died out, but I kept making stained glass. I can’t imagine my life not doing this. Think about your legacy and how you are going to be remembered. I don’t think I will be remembered for all the pieces I sold at craft fairs. I think I will be remembered more for the students that I taught, and that’s fine with me. I’d rather share it than have it be lost.”
Originally published in Summer SENC Magazine, Adams Publishing Company
ByRebecca J. Whitman
Stained glass is nothing new to artist Kim S. Joy; she’s been creating in it since 1982. Kim found the beauty of making art in glass through a stained glass class in New Mexico, and she followed that experience with an apprenticeship there to really learn the business. By 2004, she became a full-time stained glass artist living in eastern Virginia, selling her work, and teaching classes. In addition to teaching classes out of her home studio, Kim taught stained glass to interested students in community centers such as Fort Belvoir Arts and Crafts Center, Arlington Adult Education, and Fairfax County Parks and Recreation.
Swirls of color and geometric shapes with a recognizable nod to Frank Lloyd Wright capture Kim’s personal style. Sometimes Kim allows the glass itself to speak to her. Like the Tiffany glass that was custom created to create drape within the glass itself, sometimes the glass pour is so beautiful that Kim frames it as is without any cutting. Other Kim S. Joy pieces capture your imagination–like the non-traditional mixed media of round blue and purple waves cut around a hanging fabric of woven fibers. “It’s not your grandma’s stained glass,” Kim remarks. Originality is important in all art forms including stained glass. “If you are going to just create not for sale pieces, there are plenty of pattern books, but once you start working in glass then you want to make it yours and unique instead of like everybody else’s work,” Kim said.
In 2018, Kim moved to North Carolina and opened Art Happens at 106 Tarboro Street in Wilson. Above the door to the store, there is a stained glass panel of a thistle. Kim designed the panel as a nod to her Scottish heritage, and it has served as the original logo design of her business. Guests to the studio are welcomed by the colorful pieces throughout the studio, the expansive work space, and a playfully exuberant pup, Fred.
While abstract art is her favorite, Kim recognizes the need to do other things. “What I like and what other people may like is not the same thing, so you have to do a little bit of everything,” she says. To meet that diversity, Kim carries everything from stained glass jewelry to lamps, boxes, and simple panels.
More than sold pieces, Kim finds that a lot of her business is actually in teaching classes and selling supplies. “A supply store that everyone used in Raleigh closed,” Kim said, “so many of those customers found me to buy their supplies from.” Kim carries all the necessary basic tools, solder, and flux as well as an impressive glass collection. Her glass collection includes vintage makers that no longer exist as well as known brands like Spectrum, Oceanside, Bullseye, and Youghiogheny. Imported glasses like Verrerie de St. Just from France are also in her collection. Stained glass artists can buy sheets of glass for $5-95 a sheet, or they can buy scraps by the pound for $3 a pound.
Though she stays busy and could drive sales for supply in our area, that is not Kim’s passion. “I consider myself a teacher more than a salesperson,” Kim said. “I like creating stained glass and working with people on commissioned pieces. A lot of repairs come in here, and I love that too because it’s like trying to fix a puzzle without taking the whole thing apart.” There are limitations to the types of projects that Kim can take on. Church windows, for example, are not something that she will take on restoring.
Many people interested in stained glass can get surprised by the cost involved in just having the right equipment. “If you had to buy all new equipment, it would be over $400 in tools and you don’t even know if you’re going to like doing stained glass or any good at it really,” Kim says. Kim suggests people interested in stained glass sign up for a class first. With classes at Art Happens, the tools are provided on loan as part of the cost of the class itself, and students have the benefit of an experienced artist helping them avoid making mistakes that can ruin their projects.
In Art Happens classes, students only buy the glass and sundries (copper foil, solder, etc.) used in their specific project. “We start out with a 12×16 panel with 14 different patterns to choose from..but you go home at the end of it all with a finished product at the end of the class,” Kim explains. “It just makes it a lot easier if everybody is on the same plan in the class…and it is less stressful for everyone. If this is the only piece they will ever make, we want to make it worthwhile.” The stained glass panel class is a seven week long course that meets once a week for 2.5 hours each session. Other classes include nightshades, lamps, boxes, jewelry, yard art, kaleidoscopes, and pet memorials. “It’s just things that people have asked for,” Kim says, explaining the diverse mix of classes.
Following COVID, people spent a lot more time at home and began looking for something to do with their down time. Kim believes that this led to an across the board interest in the arts. “Classes are pretty full around here, not just in stained glass,” Kim said. “The Arts Council here has sold out classes as well. Doing any form of handiwork is therapeutic. It gets you out of the stress you had that day and gives you the chance to explore your own creativity.”
After 20 years of growing in skill and mastery of her craft, Kim has a lot of wisdom to pass on to future glass artists. “Stay true to yourself. When you think that stained glass isn’t alive or worthwhile doing, keep doing it. There were times, over my life, when the market died out, but I kept making stained glass. I can’t imagine my life not doing this. Think about your legacy and how you are going to be remembered. I don’t think I will be remembered for all the pieces I sold at craft fairs. I think I will be remembered more for the students that I taught, and that’s fine with me. I’d rather share it than have it be lost.”
Earlier this Spring, I had the opportunity to tour the Frontier Culture Museum–a living historical museum–in Staunton, Virginia. The museum uses live interpreters who live in part on-site according to period-authentic ways to be able to explain what life was like for our ancestors. They make their clothes by hand all the way from growing and harvesting the product, weaving it into fabric, cutting and sewing their own garments. They raise livestock, bake in old hearths, and cook meals over open fire spits. It is an amazingly hands-on approach to teaching history. Taking walking tours here taught me so much about colonial and early American life. I finally understood my family tree. I listened and learned from the old ways what it really means to be an American. David McCullough explains the museum best in this video.
A Multicultural Past
Colonial America wasn’t “America” yet. It was a bunch of different countries learning how to live well and coexist in a new wilderness. They had a common desire to be successful and common enemies in pestilence, disease, and bad weather. Native Americans taught foreigners how to steward the land and make things grow in it. Foreigners taught each other how to build better houses, forge better materials, and work smarter. It was a partnership amongst all the cultures to live in peace and unity–to grow from each other not in spite of each other. Friendships were made which led to intermarriage. Families became diverse and multicultural. That was life in the New World.
As one country overstepped its bounds and tried to force the New World to pay its debts through higher taxes, rebellion talk filled the New World. The mix of family trees that had grown together into a forest of tangled roots wanted to become its own country. A then outspoken writer and theologian, Thomas Paine, wrote a pamphlet–Common Sense. It made everyone start to think they had rights given to them by God that they were obliged to protect and defend. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for every man began in those early conversations amongst the mixed cultures of our ancestors.
They didn’t know what a country of their own would look like, yet they knew it was necessary and possible. They knew it well enough to defend it and go to war for it. All odds were against us winning, but we did because God was on our side. He had plans to bless the world and get the glory for our new nation.
Once independence was won, ideas were pulled together to form what our new form of government would be. Ideas from early Native American tribal alliances, Christian theology, and old Greek and Roman politics informed the ideas that would become our American system of government. We still operate with that foundation of government today.
Learning From The Past
In today’s climate, we hear the buzz term “critical race theory”. This is the idea that one race (white) held every other race subjective to them in the past. It teaches people to believe that other races were slaves subjected to that superior race and therefore every aspect of their individual identity was erased by them.
Readers, that simply isn’t true.
We know from written records including first-hand accounts in letters and journals that it wasn’t true. We know from our DNA and family trees that it wasn’t true. Not every colored thread in my family DNA came from appropriation or oppression. Love and choice made those lines cross NOT hate and aggression.
So then, what do we learn from history? We learn to work together toward common goals, accept differences, and learn from each other. We learn to treat different cultures with curiosity and adopt behaviors that help us enjoy life and express ourselves better. We learn to love blind to racial differences and antiquated prejudice.
If it is a pie-in-the-sky idea to live with multicultural love and anti-racism, well then, that is the true all-American pie!
What Does It Mean To Be All American
To be all-American means to be constantly moving, learning, and innovating based on what we learn from the community with our neighbors. Americans don’t sit on their butts; they are constantly moving into the next great frontier.
Being all-American means being inclusive. You can’t be a society snob stuck in your own class structure or ignoring certain race groups that you dislike or don’t understand. An all-American spirit finds ways to learn from the ideas of others and adopt new techniques as their own. We make each other’s food. We build like what we learned from our neighbors. We adopt different values based on what we feel speaks to us in the cultures we call home. This is how musical instruments and genres grew as well as everything else we enjoy in America.
If this weekend finds you rejoicing with fireworks like many of us will be in America, then I challenge you to also consider in what ways your heart and life can reflect a more all-American attitude. In what ways can you be Jesus and love others today? In what ways can you explore other cultures than your own and learn from them?
by Rebecca J. Whitman (originally published in The Duplin Times)
“If you saw him on the street and didn’t already know better, Davis Carr was the kind of man who made you think, ‘he’d make a great Santa Clause”, long-term former mayor, Charley Farrior said. With a round face, jolly personality, and a full white beard that he wore year-round, Manley Davis Carr looked the part. He didn’t have to act; he was kind, gentle, and generous in his everyday regular life. “He was a wonderful Santa. He loved children, and he was good at handling all kinds of them–from the ones that knew and loved Santa to the ones meeting him for the first time and a little scared of him,” Farrior said. Davis welcomed the celebrity role that his appearance played with children. When they stared at him in restaurants, Davis welcomed them to come sit and talk briefly. When they awed at him in church, Davis always had something to give them–even just a stick of gum. “I don’t know how he did it,” Georgia Farrior remembered, “but he always knew the kids’ names and what they had been up to.” There was just something magical about Davis.
Davis walking with some of the Farrior grandchildren
Manley Davis Carr–known as Davis or Santa or Papa D to locals–was a land surveyor by trade and a successful businessman. He knew the land in intimate detail from who owned it down to what it was good for. Many times this depth of knowledge was put to the test in town meetings as Mr. Carr was called on to give an opinion of land in consideration for different projects. “Even though he didn’t live here anymore,” Former Mayor Farrior remembered, “he came religiously to Wallace town board meetings. We could always count on him to be there and be helpful whenever we needed him.”
Santa sits and rests at a park event
The generosity of Davis’s character spilled over into everything he did. He appeared as Santa at countless events and photo ops–many times with his wife, Brenda, as Mrs. Claus. “There wasn’t a single time that I asked him to assist with a fundraiser for The Friends of the Wallace Parks that he didn’t help us- even in the early days when we couldn’t compensate him for his time. He was always there for class parties, special events for The Depot Commission, and simple one-on-one visits with children as they inevitably spotted him around town,” Georgia Farrior said. He also served in Wallace’s town government. For many years, he was President of the Wallace Chamber of Commerce. In 2016, he retired from being the Chamber President and became Chairman of the Wallace Depot Committee. During his time in that role, several museum fre wwds a we 3 31st 1 wrestling p Ieatures were established including a hobo display in a railroad boxcar and a learning center in the depot. Davis was also an integral part of the Carolina Strawberry Festival. Several have touted Carr’s commitment to serve Wallace in any way possible–but he did not even live there. He lived in Wilmington and commuted because it meant so much to him.
Wallace may have held a special place in his heart because of his family. Davis was born and raised in Teachey. He was a Wallace-Rose Hill graduate with long-term farming and merchant ties to the area–his grandfather owned one of the largest grocery stores between Wilmington and Goldsboro. Grandpa Willie had a large family, and many of them stayed in the Wallace area to live and work–including Davis’ parents, Manley Alexander and Alice Jones Carr. Davis had a servant’s heart from a very young age. He was active in Boy Scouts of America, became an Eagle Scout, and continued to serve as a Scout Master later in life. As a boy, he was honored with the Carnegie Heroism Award for saving a young man from drowning. Following this early exposure to heroic life, Davis Carr attended UNC Wilmington and then joined the United States Army.
Hard work and dedication were part of Davis’ lifestyle, and they brought him success in his profession. Following his military service, Davis began working for Robert H. Goslee and Associates Land Surveyors. He worked hard to obtain both his Professional Land Surveyor License and his NC General Contractor License. In 1998, he got the opportunity to buy the company and return to his hometown with a Wallace office site. For decades, Davis served as the treasurer of the Southeastern Chapter of the NC Society of Surveyors, and he was named their Surveyor of the Year in 2012. Christian faith was an important part of Davis’ life and upbringing. His family became members of the Rockfish Presbyterian Church–one of the oldest churches in the area–and were buried there. Davis himself was a member of Northside Church in Wilmington, and he served there faithfully as a deacon, Sunday School teacher, and youth leader. When it came time to welcome eternity, services for Davis were held at Northside, but Davis was laid to rest with his family in Rockfish. It seems fitting that such a classic, family-oriented man was laid to rest in a historic location with family.
It is hard to imagine the world without Davis in it. Many have lamented the fact that no one else can quite be Santa in Wallace as Davis was, but he was so much more than Santa for this town; he was a light. His light still shines even to those who never knew him. Isn’t that the example of exactly how life should be lived–making an impact for good in our communities?
Davis was my friend, my inspiration, and a dedicated leader in our community. He leaves behind shoes that could never be filled, but also a desire in his board members to continue his work.
Georgia Farrior
Davis Carr will be remembered through multiple generations of lives in eastern NC. The ripple effect of his love and care will continue to shine his light long after the flame was extinguished.
Physical exercise is one thing many of us avoid. But what if I told you that making it a purposed part of you day would make the rest of your day better? What if doing that activity you avoid could actually lengthen your days and make the quality of them better too?
The Oxford Dictionary says that procrastination is to “delay or postpone action”. At the beginning of a new year we often reconsider doing the things we have been neglecting. What about in the middle of the year?
If you are like me, the absolute last thing you want to do in the heat of summer is exercise. Recently, I found myself on a beach not liking the selfies and on a boat unable to step in and out of it without assistance. I knew if I wanted to be better on either of those fronts, I needed to make a conscious effort to add strength training gym activity to my life. But how am I supposed to have time and money for that when the cost of everything–especially gas–is increasing but my wages aren’t?
I’m not a great swimmer, so I don’t trust myself in the depths of the ocean. Standing in the ebbing ocean waves, letting them push and pull my hips, my heart longed for more time in the water. I had a few hours over two days to dip into the salty sea, and I was saddened to leave it. Why? Because time away in peace and exercise is nourishing to the soul.
Health Benefits of Exercise
According to research on PubMed Central, exercise is important for mental and physical health.
Exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function. Exercise has also been found to alleviate symptoms such as low self-esteem and social withdrawal. Exercise is especially important in patients with schizophrenia…patients…who participated in a 3-month physical conditioning program showed improvements in weight control and reported increased fitness levels, exercise tolerance, reduced blood pressure levels, increased perceived energy levels, and increased upper body and hand grip strength levels. Thirty minutes of exercise of moderate intensity, such as brisk walking for 3 days a week, is sufficient for these health benefits. Moreover, these 30 minutes need not to be continuous; three 10-minute walks are believed to be as equally useful as one 30-minute walk.
Sharma, A., Madaan, V., & Petty, F. D. (2006). Exercise for mental health. Primary care companion to the Journal of clinical psychiatry, 8(2), 106. https://doi.org/10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a
Though some argue that time in exercise has to be consistently brisk for 15 minutes or more to be beneficial, I would argue that ANY amount of time is better than no time at all–especially if it creates a habit of doing so continually over time. Exercise is not about clicking a bell at 15/30/60 minutes or more; it is about establishing lifestyle changes that effectively change the quality of life you have for a lifetime.
Further research in the article confirms that exercise plays a role in making you sleep better, have a better sex drive, increased endurance, increased mental clarity, and so much more.
Just Do It!
It’s a Nike slogan but the point is still true; the only way to go from procrastination to living an active lifestyle is to just do it. It may start small and that is okay. Do whatever you can afford and maintain with consistency. Let it grow over time from there.
You have to find your motivator.
For me, I thought about what I wanted my life to look like over the next 10-20 years and the health I would need to do those things. I also think about people I know who struggle with health issues that could have been prevented if they were proactive when they were younger.
You have to let go of misperceptions.
I used to think that working out in a gym was for people who already had toned bodies and were trying to keep it so. That is SO not true! Most people are working out to overcome health issues in their lives that are both seen and unseen. One of my dear friends lives an active lifestyle and has the body to prove it, but she does so because of internal issues that would leave her nearly bedridden if she were not actively addressing those issues in the gym. Like there are suits for all sizes of swimmers, so there are gyms for all sizes of workers. Don’t feel intimidated by the person beside you who has more experience than you, and don’t look down on those who are fumbling on equipment trying to find their way. It doesn’t matter if you can press 15 or 80lbs. What matters is that you are doing it at all in the first place.
Develop Consistency
There are no end to negative thoughts and voices telling you to quit a good thing when you get started. You don’t overcome procrastination by ending the negatives; you overcome it by not listening. Establish a routine that you do consistently and keep it up for one week, one month, one year. The longer you do something, the easier it becomes to do it again.
Plan With Caution
If you have certain health risks, consult a physician and personal trainer before you take on any particular activity. Never attempt a new activity without proper training on equipment lest you hurt instead of build your muscles. If you have joint, back, or weight issues, consider joining workout classes in water that use Newton’s Law of Inertia to increase the intensity of your workout without harmful pressure from weight on your joints.
My Experience
My first week back at the gym was exciting. When I got in the pool, I felt like I found my tribe! It was a little unnerving working out in the gym around all these guys watching me pull small weights while they huffed through big ones. I almost didn’t go in one day, then I thought of how much better I would feel with the strength to walk beaches without losing my breath or climb stairs with strength in my knees to do so. I think about the things I will be able to do because I am caring for my body now–while I still have the options to control it. I think about the way my body will begin to reflect shaping from all my efforts and look better in the clothes I own. THAT makes the time and effort worth overcoming the obstacles.
I hope this inspires you to take a proactive role in your personal health.
Has it really already been a year?! WOW!What a whirlwind it has been!
Whether you are a seasoned business person, a curious contemplator considering a startup, or a faithful reader of this blog, thank you for taking a moment to let me share about my first year in full-time business for myself and some of what I have learned from it. My hope is that this transparency will help you in your own businesses and aspirations.
1. Bring God Into Your Business Plan
When I first started, it was easy to get overwhelmed. My mind was racing in a thousand directions. I knew I wanted to make writing my business, but what did that look like?
One of the most important things I did was let myself freewrite (in my case, paint) what I thought my business would look like. Freewriting pulls out the heart of what you want to be without all the edits and filters that “be reasonable” will put on it. It helped me see what was most important to me as a person as well as a business.
Next, I needed to translate that into a written vision and mission statement. People call this all sorts of things in business, but it is generally your articulation of who you are, what you do, and why you exist as a business. Writing your vision like this is an important part of guarding yourself in business too.
The most important part of planning your business is praying and inviting God into it. I gave it all to Him. I would be nothing today if I hadn’t done that.
Over this past year, God has led me to do some pretty crazy spontaneous things (which only served to deepen my dependence on Him and joy in what we do together now). He has opened doors for me to meet and have favor with people I would not normally have that with in my own strength. In each step of this journey with Him, my business plan has become more clearly defined, and I have grown in character and confidence. I’ve had to trust God to provide when money wasn’t coming in as well as when it was. I’ve had to learn to be fearless and even excited when my calendar filled one day at a time instead of months in advance.
2. Say Yes To Every Good Thing
In the beginning, you say “yes” to every job you can do. Even when it was a stretch, I said yes to it. Why? Well, the obvious reason is that you need the money. The less obvious reason is that you need the experience.
Writing as a business takes business acumen. You have to learn what is a marketable skill that you can offer and others will pay you to do for them. In my case, I have a talent for capturing the heart of a business or story in words and pictures. I am also good at capturing how to represent someone online with their own website, logos, print graphics, etc.
I’m not just good at this list of tasks, I enjoy doing them. That is important! If you are going to work for yourself, you have to be willing to work harder and longer hours than you would for any other job. That is just how it is–especially in the beginning. If you want to stay in business, you can’t be a slacker. Success in business comes from being a person of integrity that keeps their word, balances multiple tasks at once, and is a good steward with the resources they are given.
Equally important as the things you say yes to doing are the thoughts you say yes to entertaining and believing about yourself and your business.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Matt Tommey, a mentor to artists and successful artist himself, says that negative thoughts stifle creativity. If you allow yourself to entertain fear, you stop seeing creative solutions to your problems. That is so true! Many times I had to repeat Philippians 4:8 over and over before I could start my work day because I was so paralyzed in fear. Entrepreneurship has no room for fear. You have to keep your mind open and flexible to knew ideas and things to try.
3. Make Time To Learn New Skills
Entrepreneurship takes a lot of different skills at once. On one hand, you need to develop mastery of the craft you are trying to sell. On the other, you need to understand how to handle your finances, taxes, marketing, etc. There are infinite opportunities to grow and learn new things in both directions.
Don’t let the things you don’t know overwhelm or scare you. Believe it or not, it is better to get started than to try to know everything first.
The real truth is that we are always learning and striving to remain relevant. You never fully know all you should know, and if you think you have, you probably aren’t paying attention to your market anymore.
Education is a passion for me, so this was not a hard sell for my business. I made time for mentorship, webinars, workshops, conferences, software training, email subscriptions, and more. If it was even remotely related to what I do and came from a source I trusted, I signed up for it. I learned so much that I became a resource for others.
One other important reason to learn new skills is to expand your portfolio. Learning how to market myself on social media helped catalyst me into helping other businesses do it as well. Learning how to build my own website helped me get hired to build websites for others. Skills learned equate to more dollars earned (and saved) in the long run.
4. Say No To Some Things
Remember that business plan in my first point and how I said it protects you? Well, this is where it protects you. In the beginning, you do say yes to every job you can possibly do that fits within the guidelines of your plan.
You start very open minded. The world is your oyster and you shuck every oyster you can to find your pearls.
But with time, you learn what you like and dislike doing, so your plan becomes a little more clearly defined. You also begin to learn the limite of your time and have to be a little more discriminating. There is only one you, so you have to figure out what tasks are the best use of your time and which you should probably pass on to a colleague. (That means you also need to know good people who do stuff like you that you can send people too. Yes…work can get that hectic sometimes.)
My best example of this was with my sister when she was a massage therapist. Even though she could do anything she could (literally) put her hands to, she realized quickly that she only had a certain number of hours to work each day with full strength in her hands. That made her have to alternate times of services as well as what services she offered to be able to maximize her time each day.
It is not just saying no to jobs that aren’t the best match for your business, it is also saying no to some things so you have time for self care and fun too. Life is not just about work–even for us 5-percenters (the estimated percentage of the world that claims to be entrepreneurs). Making time to do what brings you joy requires saying no to something else.
5. Break The Plan
The most important part of your business is flexibility. You are going to have things that don’t work out the way you thought they would. As precious and essential as that written plan is, it’s not the details that matter as much as the core of who, what, and why you exist as a business.
When I first started, I thought everything I did was for artists only. I wrote to help mentor younger versions of myself. Even my first business cards said I existed as a business to “empower makers and young artists to live out their callings”. Imagine how hard that was to explain when I handed it to a business professional telling them I could help them. The whole first year of making any money in my business relied on proving my worth, necessity, and value to small business—NOT mentoring artists.
One thing I learned was that my passion for the arts (as an artist and business woman) is also my passion for small business. I want to help people get more exposure, expand what they do, and get better at it. Sometimes that is mentorship, but most the time that is marketing. It took time working my business to know that.
You can’t treat every little thing you write in your business plan like it is the holy grail, but it isn’t. You wrote it, and you are not God. Be open to wherever God will take you with your business because the more open you are to Him, the farther He can take you.
One of the things I like to do now is do an assessment at the end of the year of how the business is progressing. I look at my analytics and stats to see what is resonating with you, my readers, and plan how I can create more content like what you love to read. I do the same with my business and see what areas have sold the best and what areas I want to pursue more. I make goals and work towards them throughout the year, but I remain flexible to change them if the Lord clearly shows me something else I need to focus on. I encourage you to find a similar rhythm and pace yourself in your business. Oh, and I made new business cards. 😉
As we come into Memorial Day weekend, we are challenged to remember those who gave their lives in service to their country. One particular way we can do that blends with another thing we love to do with long weekends: travel.
About The Tour
The Tour of Honor is a first responder and veteran-focused motorcycle tour that visits memorials and museums across the United States and contributes to charity. The tour began after a visit to the memorial at Shanksville, PA following 9-11, and a sub-route continues to honor just 9-11 sites for riders who want to focus on that specifically. “We are well over 1000 riders now,” said NC rider and tour sponsor, John Morton. “You ride your ride how you want to, whether you want to make it a traveling tour or you are a trophy runner racing to win the prize for a particular region.”
Participants register through the tour website and earn trophies based on how many memorials and monuments they visit during the tour dates. Additionally, $25 from each registration fee is contributed to the rider’s charity of choice: Fisher House Foundation, Gold Star Family Memorial Foundation, or Gary Sinise Foundation First Responders Outreach. According to the tour website, profits after expenses are divided equally between the three charities. The tour runs from April 1 through September 30, and riders are encouraged to visit as many memorials and monuments as possible.
Veterans’ Rock, Dudley, NC
One of the locations on the tour is Veterans’ Rock in Dudley, NC.
Veterans’ Rock is a giant painted rock that honors all branches of the military with a specific nod to its local military installations. The rock was a labor of love and volunteer effort from the community and Discipleship Christian Church. It was painted by the pastor of the church who is also a commercial artist. Visitors to the rock are welcome to come and sit on flag benches and take as much time as they need to pause and reflect.
Final Thoughts
Wherever you find yourself this weekend, take time to reflect on those who have sacrificed in service. No freedom that we have in America came free; men and women fight daily to defend and keep it this way. Sometimes that fight costs lives.
It is easy to forget about this sacrifice because we live in a place that is not constantly a war zone. We argue over gun control and who should be allowed to do certain things in this country, but even that argument is a gift we should thank our military for.
America is a free country–not a perfect one. We are free because of our form of government and the laws in place that protect individual rights and expression. We are unique; no other country is quite like us in their organization. We built a nation on mutual respect and integrity. It is the right to keep it that way that our military defends.
Show thankfulness for the land you live in. Voice respect for those who choose to honor and protect it. Be a gear that keeps the engine of our country moving–not a cog in the wheel.
Last week we toured Italy with Audry Fryer, author of Until Next Sunday. On Monday, Audry visited our podcast and shared some of the behind the scenes of writing the book. Today, we dove into the book and decided to attempt to make and share the iconic family recipe for gnocchi.
Until Next Sunday is a book about two Italian immigrants who find each other and fall in love in America during the early 1900s.
Told through the eyes of the female heroine, Rosina, the story opens with the character saying goodbye to everything she knows in Italy to board a ship to America.
The stage is set for a bit of a Cinderella story as we learn Rosina is leaving because of an evil step mother that worked her to death. She doesn’t know if she will ever get to return, but she has an opportunity to join a brother in America and have her own happiness. Though goodbyes are heartbreaking, this one came with a hopeful promise.
In America, Rosina meets Gianni, and they fall for each other. Illness puts Rosina in a sanitarium (at a time in history when bad things happened there), and the budding love has to spend the majority of its time in letters. For years, the family they have together knew nothing of the past hardships that they faced…one Sunday visit at a time…during limited visits. They couldn’t read the letters either because they were all in Italian and in a dialect hard to translate.
Until Next Sunday is an immigrant story. It is upfront about the fact that it is a work of fiction, but what I love about it is the TRUE STORY behind it. Three sisters–who were granddaughters of Rosina and Gianni–inherited a box of mementos. In that box was a scrapbook of over 100 carefully stored letters. Thanks to the sisters and their determination to know more, a translator was found who could read the difficult regional dialect, and a year of stories was unlocked for all of us to hear. Many of those translated letters are in the book.
How precious would it be if you could see a prequel of the life of your loved ones?
Rosina was a storyteller. Family gatherings on Sundays were filled with food and stories. Some of the sisters’ fondest memories were of Rosina’s Gnocchi, so they included her handwritten recipe in the book. For this review, I decided to take it on.
Making Gnocchi
Gnocchi is a potato pasta that is just three simple ingredients: potatoes, salt, and flour. The ingredients were simple. The instructions were simple. The process was not.
First of all, there is a reason that the recipe calls for a ricer. After you cook 4 potatoes, you are supposed to press them through a ricer. This would mash them evenly into fine pieces. That is extremely important as you are counting on the starch in the potato to hold everything together, but it won’t be broken down enough without a ricer.
Boiling water for gnocchi becomes the test that shows what I did wrong
In my case, I didn’t have the ricer, so I mashed the potatoes as well as possible with a masher. What I ended up with was chunks of crystal-like potatoes in the dough that would make the dough fall apart in the water, create a cloud of starchy mash, scorch the pan, and cause me to have to drain and start over multiple times.
So…use a ricer.
Despite this rookie mistake, I did get a reasonable good dough out of it, and I did transfer it to a wooden board as Rosina suggested.
The board made it easier to cut and form the pasta, but it also further revealed how unsteady it was. It was hard to make any pinch of this hold together with chunky potatoes in it.
Still, some of them did hold long enough to rise in the water and be transferred to the sauce.
Success! Gnocchi made it to the sauce.
Gnocchi is pretty plain by itself (it’s a pasta), so you need sauce. I’m sure it would be excellent in cheese, but I wanted to be as authentic as possible and make a scratch tomato sauce.
Tomato marinara from scratch
How to make marinara
If you can get your hands on home canned tomatoes, that would be best, but I used store bought. For this sauce, I started with a generous coating of the pan in quality olive oil and spices. I used Greek cold-pressed oil, Herbs de Provence, and garlic powder. The herbs are extra fragrant, so I knew they would carry a little farther than just Italian seasoning. I sautéed that oil/herb based for a minute till it browned, then I added tomatoes. I added two 16 oz. cans of diced tomatoes (one had garlic and olive oil in it that really added flavor), one 16 oz. can of tomato sauce, and one 8 oz. can of tomato paste. You need that variety to create the consistency of a chunky sauce. The paste is important too because it acts as a thickener but with concentrated tomato flavor.
You want to bring all the ingredients together stirring them in the pan till a light boil pops. Then reduce the heat to its lowest setting and let it simmer. The longer a sauce has the chance to sit and simmer, the better it becomes because all those flavors and ingredients marry each other.
Final plate: gnocchi in homemade marinara, drizzled with Greek olive oil, and topped with grated parmesan
What Cooking With Rosina Taught Me
Making gnocchi was a lesson in itself. To get to that final plate that looks and tastes so good, you have to be willing to put in extra time, effort, and patience.
I’m not a very patient cook. After 30 minutes of messing with something, I am usually over it. I am sure half of my problems making gnocchi were from trying to make this without the proper tools. Nevertheless, this recipe said a lot about the person who wrote it. Rosina had to have been a very patient, loving, and resilient woman. What came second nature to her came because of years of making it so it would become easier.
How many things in life do we practice to perfection?
How many times do we exercise patience and persist when we want to quit?
I had to laugh at myself to keep from crying as I made this first attempt at gnocchi. Next time (and there will be a next time), a ricer will be involved. But making gnocchi with Rosina the cooking grandma, made me want to know her as Rosina the young woman. Until Next Sunday lets you do that.
I encourage you to jump on the author’s website and grab a copy for yourself. It’s worth it.
Researching the Campania Region of Southern Italy had to be one of the best parts of writing my latest novel, Until Next Sunday. If only I could have conducted my research in person!
In Until Next Sunday, the main character, Rosina, makes the brave choice to leave her hometown of Torchiara, Italy, in late December 1919. She has a specific reason for her departure (which you’ll discover in the story). Still, leaving everyone and everything she knew for a new life in America is heart-wrenching.
While someday I hope to visit the setting in Italy at the beginning of my novel, the family with whom I collaborated to write the true story based on their grandparents’ love letters was able to take a trip to this region several years ago. While there, they visited the home where Rosina lived before leaving for America, and they had a visit with the family of Filomena, Rosina’s cousin and closest childhood friend.
Rosina’s hometown of Torchiara, and Naples, where she disembarked for America, are in the Campania Region of Italy. Located in the Southern portion of the boot-shaped peninsula, Campania encompasses the coastal Mediterranean areas of the Amalfi Coast, Sorrento, the Cilento National Park, and the islands of Capri and Ischia. Campania has a variety of cities, picturesque coastlines, and historical places to visit. Naples is the bustling capital city. The Amalfi Coast hosts dramatic coastlines with mountains that rise steeply from the Mediterranean Sea. And, the ancient city of Pompeii is located in Campania. One of the tastiest regions in Italy, Campania offers a variety of well-known Italian dishes and drinks. It’s the birthplace of pizza, especially pizza Margherita. Campania is also known for spaghetti, mozzarella, limoncello, and cannelloni. And it excels in providing some of the best espresso and cappuccino in the country. Centrally located in the Cilento National Park, Torchiara overlooks the blue Mediterranean Sea with groves of ancient olive trees lining the hillsides. This picturesque village enjoys mountain breezes, lower humidity, and views of Salerno Bay. On a clear day, you can spot the island of Capri in the distance. Torchiara boasts over a thousand years of history along its cobbled stone streets, ancient palaces, and quaint churches. Although born in Battipaglia in the Campania Region of Salerno, Rosina spent most of her youth in Torchiara. Her childhood home sat along one of the cobbled stone streets in this hilltop village. Before leaving for America, Rosina worked in the olive groves on the mountainside. According to Linda, one of Rosina’s granddaughters, “When I would comment on my Grandmother’s soft hands and beautiful skin, her reply was, ‘I worked in the olive groves of Torchiara, where some of the finest Virgin Olive Oil comes. And the oil from picking olives was the best lotion for keeping my skin so soft. So throw away your expensive creams and use a little olive oil each day! So what if you smell like a salad? It’s worth it!”
These three pictures were taken by the sisters that visited their grandparents’ home over ten years ago.
As the capital city of the Campania region, Naples is a dynamic location. And not just because it sits beneath the shadow of Mount Vesuvius! It’s also the third-largest city in Italy. Naples has a diverse and complicated history with some triumphs and many setbacks. In my book, Until Next Sunday, Rosina disembarked from the port in Naples for America in 1919. Although Southern Italy and Naples are considered much poorer regions than Rome and northern Italy, this region still offers many tourism opportunities. You can visit ancient sites and various castles, stroll through art museums, and indulge in a pizza or a shot of espresso. If you travel West and slightly to the North of the Campania Region, you will come to the Eastern, mountainous coast of Italy known as the Abruzzo Region. Gianni, Rosina’s love interest in Until Next Sunday, originally called Teramo in the Abruzzo Region home. Teramo sits between the high peaks of the Apennines and the Adriatic Coast. One of the region’s well-known dishes is homemade gnocchi. Rosina would prepare homemade gnocchi for her family at their Sunday dinners. You can find Rosina’s recipe for gnocchi in the opening pages of Until Next Sunday and within the free book club kit download from my website.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed this mini-tour of Italy. This region was fascinating to research. I love how a book can take you on a mental vacation to faraway places like the mountain village of Torchiara or the bustling city of Naples. Someday, I hope that I get to go there in real life! How about you? Is Italy on your travel “wish list”?
About the Book
About the Author
Audry Fryer is an author and professional freelance writer from Pennsylvania. Formerly a teacher, Audry wrote her first novel while her toddler son and twin babies napped. As her children have grown into teenagers, she has expanded her writing career. Audry lives with her family and two pugs in a quiet corner of Southeastern PA. To learn more about Audry, please visit her website at www.audryfryer.com
A miracle is in the making in the Tin City area of Wallace. In January 2021, Pastor Chris Jarman of Poston Baptist Church spoke to some of his church members about his vision to start a Christian school in the Wallace area. Together they visited several schools in eastern North Carolina and presented their findings to the church body. The church voted and found 100% approval to move forward with the project. By March, they had formed a committee where each person contributed the best of their expertise in the areas of construction, planning, and implementation. A three-phase plan was born to build a K-12 school. During Phase One, the school will open enrollment for K-2. In Phase Two, enrollment will extend for 3-5. In Phase Three, enrollment will begin for 6-12. By the end of the third phase, a fully functioning private Christian K-12 school will be built on 17 acres of farmland once donated to the church.
Everything you see (behind the church) that was soybeans, belongs to Poston. We decided it needed to grow children for God on this property–not just keep growing soybeans and stuff.
Assistant Principal Charles Blanchard
Right now, Phase One is enrolling for K-2 classes to begin on August 23, 2022. Phase Two with classes for grades 3-5 is expected to be ready to enroll in Fall 2023. “Our goal is for the children we have in second grade this fall to be able to go into third grade with us the following year,” said Headmaster Steve Le Roux. “We will keep operating like that until the final building can be completed.”
Headmaster Steve Le Roux with influential director and Assistant Principal, Charles Blanchard
Building for Phase One began last year. The church gutted its existing structure down to the floor joists and rebuilt it as a school. The church sanctuary remained intact throughout the rebuild and will serve as a weekly chapel for the school. The men of the church gave their time and talent to facilitate the rebuild and are still busy finalizing the details of the property today. Construction for Phase Two will begin later this month. “A building has been ordered and will arrive on May 17th (to begin Phase Two),” Mr. Blanchard said. “It will be a shell building that we will frame in and build up for grades 3-5. It will take us till after Christmas to get it finished.”
Charles Blanchard, a member of Poston Baptist Church, has been key in the direction and build of Wallace Christian Academy. Retired from over 40 years of service teaching and administering schools in the Duplin County Public School System, he knew exactly what steps would need to be taken to get the school running and accredited with the North Carolina Christian School Association. He will continue to serve the school in a voluntary position as Assistant Principal. “He has a wealth of knowledge,” said Mr. Le Roux. “He will be an ongoing asset for us.”
Mr. Le Roux also serves as the pastor of Rose Hill Baptist Church (which helped assist and house the Rose Hill UMC church after its fire four years ago). He is excited about the role he will play leading the school. “What Poston has already been able to accomplish in one year has been amazing,” said Mr. Le Roux. Not only did they plan for every detail of the project, but the church also raised $250,000 to fully fund Phase One. As the school grows, the buildings will continue to serve a dual purpose for the church as meeting spaces for church ministries. The final Phase Three building will also serve as a Family Life Center for the church.
Several families have already taken the step of faith to commit to the school. We are prayerfully interviewing teachers and hope they really have the heart to see this as a mission field the way that we do.”
Headmaster Steve Le Roux
Mr. Le Roux’s heart for ministry has been a passion throughout his life. He was born in South Africa with a skull injury that was supposed to cause him blindness and a life of pain. Corrective surgery and prayer brought him complete healing. In 2003, Duplin County Schools began recruiting teachers from England. They interviewed and hired Mr. Le Roux. “Those first few years, I was miserable and wanted to go back home. I would come and park behind that dumpster over there,” Mr. Le Roux said, pointing to a nearby convenience store. “I looked out at the field and just thought and talked to God. I had no idea I was looking at the place that would become a school I now get to headmaster.”
Mr. Le Roux’s teaching experience provided the background to know that small class size and the personal touch of reading in a circle matters. That’s why you will see circle tables in each classroom in addition to the individual student desks. The school plans to cap individual class sizes to 18 students. “We don’t plan to turn anyone away,” Mr. Le Roux said, “but we want to also keep the classes manageable.”
Starting with Abeka curriculum, Wallace Christian Academy will provide a thorough education in core subject areas, extra-curriculars, and Biblical training.
We are a Christian school, and we are going to teach a Biblical worldview. Founded on Ephesians 6:10-11, we want to empower our students to know what they believe and be able to defend it in our modern culture.
Headmaster Steve Le Roux
Efforts to teach using the latest technology were important enough to the school to budget for it. “Students will have books as well as IPads to begin their learning process,” Mr. Le Roux said. “Older students will have laptops. We also plan to have fast WiFi and smart TVs in each classroom that teachers can use for instructional purposes.” Technology extends beyond the classroom to the parents as well. Parents will be able to monitor grades and progress online using GradeLink.
Tuition is competitively priced at $4500 a year per student and it decreases per child for families with multiple students enrolled. “We also have the Opportunity Scholarship for families within certain income brackets that want private school education but think they can’t afford it,” Mr. Le Roux said. The scholarship can cover the whole cost of tuition for approved applicants.
On April 9th, parents and future students of Wallace Christian Academy had the opportunity to visit the campus for an Open House event. Everyone was excited for classes to start in the fall.
Enrollment is still open for students to join the 2022-2023 school year. For more information, check out their website at https://www.wallacechristianacademy.com/ or come pick up an application at 4121 S. Highway 11 in Wallace.
Recently, a local high-school story went viral when it showed old equipment, broken floors, and rats in the school. That story was further detailed with descriptions of fighting and complete lack of control or respect in the classrooms. Teachers are overwhelmed and physically assaulted in classrooms. Administrators are overwhelmed. Students are ruling the room in anarchy and chaos. It’s not just this one school, nor is it all gang-related activity. This is the state of norm with kids in many schools today.
How can we expect teachers to control a room where they are scared and fear for their lives?
How can we expect proper authority to be established when state budgets are constantly seeing cuts to funding instead of increases?
More and more parents are tired of trusting the broken public education system. As a result, more and more families are pulling their kids out and into private schools. More and more new schools are appearing as well.
But what do you do if you can’t afford to send your kid to private school, nor do you have the time to stay home and homeschool them? How do we tackle the learning gaps when our kids come home with mountains of homework and frustration over all the things they don’t understand?
The best we can do is become active advocates for the care and education of our children. Whenever possible, that should include tutoring to help students overcome the deficiency they are experiencing.
(The following story was originally published in The Duplin Times.)
According to the US Census Bureau, 33-34% of people living in poverty in Wayne and Duplin counties are 18 years old or younger. Research suggests that constant changes, stress at home, and unequal access to learning resources contribute to lags in learning in the classroom. For things to get better, there has to be a concentrated effort inside education to recognize and assist where there is need. Tutor To The Top, part of the non-profit mission of Rones Chapel Area Community Center, is a free K-12 tutoring program that can help.
Tutor To The Top has been serving southern Wayne and northern Duplin counties since 2016. They offer tutoring with credentialed, experienced tutors to anyone that needs it–regardless of socioeconomic status. Tutoring sessions are by appointment only and one hour a week per child. Appointments are available after school between 4 and 7pm at partnering locations. Sessions are currently offered at the Steele Memorial Library in Mount Olive and Rones Chapel Area Community Center in northern Duplin county.
Recently, the program opened a partnership with the fitness and wellness center, Dream Works, in Warsaw. Brian Dicicco, the facility director, said they were excited to provide the space for Tutor To The Top because “we operate on a faith-based set of values and want to be able to offer services to the community–not just be a fitness and wellness business”. In addition to low-cost memberships, Dream Works offers rentable spaces and has partnered with other community outreach events such as the Toys 4 Tots Drive with the Salvation Army in December 2021.
Since COVID and remote learning, 20% more families saw the value in tutoring services and enrolled their children in Tutor To The Top in 2021. The increased demand just makes funding more challenging. Families are encouraged to donate to help cover the cost of tutoring, but they are not turned away if they are unable to pay. Neither are tutors lessened in their pay for the services they provide. What keeps the program alive is individuals and sponsors willing to donate funds to the program. Connie Wells, CEO of the Rones Chapel Area Community Center, said “generosity can come from the most unexpected places. Sometimes parents struggling to put food on the table are the biggest donors to the program because they see the value in investing in their children’s education.”
Parents with children in the Tutor To The Top program through 2021 had glowing things to say about the program. “In their feedback forms,” Connie Wells said, “they told us that in 2021 one student’s math grades went from 13% to 91% in three months, another student made the honor roll in the first semester, and many more found that tutoring helped bridge the gap for their child’s remote COVID-related learning. Almost all parents recognized their kids have an increased self-awareness from tutoring that empowered them to be better advocates for themselves in classrooms as well.”
What everyone agreed on–parents, students, and tutors–was that they want more time together. Tutors have invested in growing character–not just better grades–in their clients. Connie Wells said this is because “we are interested in growing professionals not just helping kids pass tests.”
To contact the organization to sponsor Tutor To The Top or to enroll a child in tutoring services, email RCACC@earthlink.net, call (919) 658-0476 and leave a message, or go to their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/RCACC.NC/
Art of Hope galleries and framing shops in Wallace and Clinton, NC are evidence of an impossible dream that came true for artist, Hope G. Smith. In the art business for 18 years, Hope has over 1000 paintings, two Art of Hope galleries, and work on display around the world.
Hope grew up as an artist in a family of creatives and entrepreneurs. Though they have been helpful for her development as an artist and businesswoman, Hope was not encouraged to see art as a viable career early on. She pursued teaching for a more steady income but found herself writing her own business plan after just three years of teaching. In January 2004, she opened a studio out of her home and began the journey of entrepreneurship. “I taught private lessons, made my own art, and did custom framing,” Hope says. “I took on any job possible, and it just grew from there.” In the beginning, Hope went to shows, expos, and all sorts of events to get her work seen. She also kept expenses low by working from home. “Until you get on your feet,” she says, “working from home cuts the overhead.”
With no formal business training of her own, Hope surrounded herself with a strong support system.
You need to know who you can trust to surround you. It should be a partnership where you help each other out–not just one benefitting from the other.
Hope G. Smith on business partnerships
Hope’s most important partnership is with her husband. He did the hard work of researching the business side of what she needed to do to make her dreams come true.
Two really are better than one if you let it be, but you have to work at it. It isn’t easy; it’s hard work.
Hope G. Smith about marriage
Hope’s artistic style has been described as whimsical, colorful, and loose. She tries to capture “the soul of the moment, not a photo-realistic portrayal of it”. Her art also incorporates Bible verses as an intentional attempt to be a positive light. “If we can be a light in whatever work we find ourselves in (mine is art), we should be one!”
Prints from selected originals are available for purchase within Art of Hope galleries and online. Some originals can be purchased as well as custom framing jobs at either location. Hope is also available for hire to do custom commissions and live wedding painting.
Hope G. Smith is a founding member of the Downtown Wallace Merchant Association, and she is a strong advocate for the value of a healthy Chamber of Commerce.
The Chamber is what visitors look at when they come to a new area. When a Chamber is healthy, it goes to businesses and supports them, it sends customers to them, and it shops locally for its own needs before it looks elsewhere. Good leadership is a partnership with business, and we support each other.
Hope G. Smith on the importance of a Chamber of Commerce
The Downtown Merchant Association works with the Chamber of Commerce to support downtown businesses and bring activities there like the semi-annual Shop Hop in April. This ticketed event includes lunch, coffee, free merchandise, and discounts at 15-20 downtown shops in Wallace, NC. Downtown Wallace is a thriving place with businesses that have been in operation there for many years. When asked about why small-town America is thriving with culture today, Hope’s answer was sincere. “People are hungry for a small-town community. Covid has taught us all that we need each other; we need community.”
Hope doesn’t take for granted that she has been blessed to be in business as an artist for 18 years. “The art business isn’t easy. Sometimes you overwork and have to be willing to put in the hours that nobody sees. When you are doing what God has called you to do,” she says, “you are doing that thing that fills your soul. The money will follow after that. It is much harder to do something you don’t love, so pursue your passion and don’t feel guilty for doing something you love. We need to be able to embrace people for what they are, not necessarily the 9-5 boxes we want to put them in.”
A lot of people, over the years, have told Hope that they are not creative, but Hope looks at creativity much different. “Creativity breeds creativity,” she says. “People do it all the time and don’t realize it. Creativity is an important part of how we nurture humanity. It is when we aren’t nurturing others that problems arise in society.”
When she is not out painting in the community, Hope G. Smith can be found in one of her two galleries: Art of Hope in Wallace or Clinton, NC. She is also available online at hopegsmith.com.
When this story goes to post it will be Good Friday, the day commemorated in Christianity as a day of fasting and penance for the torture and crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
We remember Christ in his sufferings and call it “good” not because of what he endured but why he endured it.
Since the very beginning of time, God planned to send his only Son into the world to redeem and bring back to himself what was lost and stolen by sin (John 3:16-17). We as a people stepped away from him, but God stepped two steps towards us.
When Jesus Christ came into the world, this promised Messiah, this prophesied King and Redeemer, was expected to come with a mighty army to overthrow the Roman rule–but he didn’t. He was expected to overthrow physical restraints on his people, topple Rome and make Israel politically free–but he didn’t. Instead, Christ preached about freedom of hearts and minds–freedom that can’t be taken or shaken by circumstances.
Jesus was expected to be mighty and physically strong, yet he came as a baby needing the help of others. All hope seemed lost at the end, on Good Friday, when he hung defeated and dead on a cross. A crown of thorns pierced his head and mocked the idea that he was a king at all.
Christ wasn’t the only one to bear thorns.
Thorns became a metaphor, following Good Friday, of putting up with some crippling difficulty.
The Apostle Paul wrote about it in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9. He had something he had to wrestle with that bothered him so much that he prayed for God to remove it. We still don’t know what Paul wrestled with, but the response to his prayer stands true still: God shows his power through our weaknesses.
Today, we haven’t gotten away from the crown of thorns.
One of the strongest women I know comes from the hills of Kentucky. Though she has traveled the world and lived in other cultures like Japan, she still has the pluck of a mountain woman. All the time I have known this ginger-haired woman, she has been thin and frail. While she worried about feeding her children, they worried about putting meat on her bones. Even as a teenager, you could lift her feet off the ground with a good bear hug. When you thought she couldn’t get skinnier, she got sick, couldn’t eat, and lost more weight. She developed COPD and struggled to breathe, but she kept smoking.
One day, I stepped outside to light a cigarette, and I went to take in a breath of air, and I couldn’t get one. I literally couldn’t breathe.
Betty Eubank
That was the end of cigarettes for Betty. Still, it didn’t resolve her COPD. There were expensive treatments ahead but no cure. The disease itself was painful; medicine could at least ease in that. Still, for the most part, Betty rejected it.
How can I call this a Thorn in my flesh when I look at all Christ went through for me? This little bit of stuff I deal with is nothing compared to that.
Betty Eubank
Instead of worrying about her disease, Betty focused on her faith. She turned to Christ and developed a deep faith and patient trust in God’s will for her life. She doesn’t fear COPD. In fact, most days she barely acknowledges it. If she is in pain, she doesn’t talk about it. Instead, she lets her weakness remind her of Christ and all he has done to reconnect her with the love of the God that made her.
SPOILER ALERT: Christ doesn’t stay dead on a cross. He ends up coming back to life after three days in a burial tomb. He walked and talked and was seen by others for a short time. Then he went to Heaven to prepare a place there for all that believe in him and choose him as Lord. The end was just the beginning.
What end are you facing in your life today?
What thorn stands between you and happiness? Pray and ask God to help you through your weakness.
If you are still not sure about this Jesus, it is not too late to get to know him. Read what he did in the Bible’s Gospel of John. The heart of the Father in Heaven is to love you and restore a relationship with you. It has never been to condemn you. Return to Him today.
It wasn’t your normal doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t a date night either. It was a chance to sit across the table with a friend, share a meal, and listen. It was a chance to debate whether or not two diabetics should be ordering pumpkin donuts with cream cheese frosting…then ordering anyways and laughing.
If you had told them in that moment that the pumpkin donuts story would go on to mean so much more, they would have snapped you a quizzical look as if to say, “girl! Stop playin’!”
But that is exactly what happened when, just a few weeks later, Covid took the life of one of them.
We never really know what moments will last forever. Sometimes, it is a text or a phone call. Sometimes, it is a picture or a long string of words. Sometimes, it hides in the pockets of a stranger. Sometimes, it is the arms of a friend.
Still, 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18 and 1 John 2:27-28 encourage us to have confidence and hope in the fact that we will be reunited with our passed Christian loved ones if we remain steadfast in our faith in Christ.
I believe that when you truly love someone, you love them without borders. You give of your time and talent sacrificially, and you listen more than you speak. It is the kind of love that empowers you to be your best self and bring out the best in those who know you and experience your love.
That influence doesn’t stop with a grave. You listen to a song or go to places you once shared together, and you hear their missed voice again. Love that is true and whole lasts forever and transcends death.
On New Years Eve ringing in 2018, the Rose Hill United Methodist Church at 314 E. Church Street didn’t know their special service would be their last. The next morning, January 1, 2018, an accidental electrical fire completely destroyed the century old church.
Firefighters at the scene of the Rose Hill UMC fire in 2018Early 1900s church destroyed by fireBurned out and destroyed stained glass windowsA cross forms in the rubble as the church burns
That moment could have ended the congregation, but it didn’t. With support from the community, the people continued to meet together wherever they could till a new church could be built. After four years and nearly four months, on Sunday, March 27, 2022, the church celebrated its first service in the new church building.
For us, the fire was a new beginning.
Long-term Rose Hill UMC member, Ronda Rivenbark
The new church building at Rose Hill United Methodist Church
Hope rises like a Phoenix, from the ashes of shattered dreams.
S.A. Sachs
The Bible saved from the Rose Hill UMC fire still carries ash from the church fire
How do you start over when everything you have loved and held dear is gone?
Where is there room for joy in the midst of suffering? Peace in spite of pain?
Can you ever truly be happy again when all you feel in this moment is the ache of loneliness and disappointment?
Whether it is the loss of a loved one or the loss of something you held dear, the pain you feel–though deep–is temporary. Somehow, you have to determine that this loss, this pain, this diagnosis will not stop you from living your life to the fullest possible. You give it your all; you don’t let feelings dictate your outcome. You remember the good and let go of the bad. You rebuild better with vision for the needs of your future. You keep looking forward…pressing forward. THAT is what hope does.
When Rose Hill UMC needed help, they found out that they were not alone. “Our community really stepped out to support us in a lot of ways,” said Ronda Rivenbark. “We didn’t do any fundraisers, but other churches, organizations, and even kids did them for us and gave the money to us. There was a Gospel Sing for us and many love offerings. One man even gave us his house to sell to benefit the church. Meanwhile, our lawyers were going above and beyond to get what we were owed from the insurance.” All the donations helped with repairs to bring the congregation safely back to their own fellowship hall where everything had to be stripped and replaced because of the damage. Community partnership helped propel the congregation forward from the fire and is honored in the new building today. “The Baptist church down the road took us in for a while, and they really loved on us. Before that, we missed only two services before Pastor Chris Leak took us to a nearby motel to meet,” said Rivenbark.
Resilience isn’t something we always know we have until we are challenged to use it. Truly surviving tragedy is not really the goal, though; you want to make it through the hard times and live better on the other side of them. THAT takes the wisdom of a visionary leader. Sometimes, that is someone else like a friend or mentor giving you sound advice about your life. Other times, it is a business partner coaching you. In the case of Rose Hill UMC, it was the new pastor and his wife, Dave and Linda Bundy.
Dave and Linda bring an exuberance about youth and community outreach that is evident in the new building. The new building cost 3 million, and it accounted for space for every considerable need of a family-oriented church. Space for children and youth ministry, workout classes, and community meeting space was included in the new building. A gym with a basketball hoop is the dual purpose of the new fellowship hall. “We wanted to provide a place for kids in the community to come and shoot hoops if they want to because we have nothing in our community recreation center for basketball,” Rivenbark said. A new kitchen and pantry space make room for a food pantry open to the community every Tuesday morning. “We are a small congregation with country people,” Rivenbark said, “but we rebuilt with community outreach in mind.”
Community outreach was the heart of the message on the first Sunday in the new building. Pastor Dave Bundy preached about the prodigal son from Luke 15, and he challenged the congregation: “What role do you see yourself playing as we move forward? For four years and (nearly) four months, are you looking from afar to see (the people in need in our community) and proclaim ‘welcome home’?”
That message is echoing here today. Beyond the ashes of your defeat, have you put much thought into the life you want to lead after all this? Do you have a safe place to confide your feelings that can give you wise, Biblical council?
The Rose Hill UMC congregation will be celebrating the new building officially with a service the whole community is invited to at 11am on April 9th. It is a service that reflects the thankfulness they have felt for all four years and four months of support they had from others.
As you push forward past the pain in your own life, look closely at your life and the people who have supported you. Remember that friend or family member who brought you a meal, took you on errands, cleaned your house, watched your kids, or just sat and listened to you. Don’t dismiss all that effort as something you were owed because you didn’t earn it; it was a free gift to you. What are some tangible ways you can show thankfulness to those who have been there to support you in such ways? Challenge yourself to be more intentionally grateful today.
Donald G. Walton Jr. at the gift shop at Walton’s Distillery
When Donald G. Walton, Jr. left Onslow County to pursue a law degree in the 1980s, he never knew he would return to the area with a heart for distilling spirits much like his ancestors. “I fell in love with the distilling of bourbon while studying law in Kentucky. (When we started the distillery in 2013), bourbon was a very difficult spirit to start, so we began with our very own corn whiskey,” Mr. Walton said.
Distilling bourbon or whiskey is a time-intensive process involving locally sourced corn that is blanched to produce an enzyme-rich liquid. The spent corn is sold back to local farmers for their cattle, while the liquid stays to become the base of most distilled spirits. It is cycled through layers of fermentation to create grain alcohol. “The objective for whiskey,” Walton said, “is to condense alcohol and clarify the spirit.” For bourbon, the highest proof alcohol is then also exposed to a new aged oak barrel for 2-3 years. “During that time, the liquid breathes in and out of the wood, infusing its flavor, and letting the charcoal remove any impurities,” Walton said. Without any additional flavors, the final product is a clean flavor of earthy corn and smoked oak within the fire of a 90 proof alcohol.
Bourbon aging in oak barrels at Walton’s Distillery
Perhaps more approachable than the bourbon is the moonshines made by Walton’s Distillery. “My family had been distilling moonshine for generations in the woods,” Walton said, “and after some persuasion, I decided to continue on with the family recipe and distill moonshine as well.” At 40 proof or less, the moonshines are considerably lighter and come in fun flavors to pair well with drinks and cooking. My favorite was Mag Walton’s Peach Shine. Many guests raved about adding shots of it to sweet tea or champagne, but I think the bright fruit and floral notes will be especially fun to cook with. Equally beautiful is Kitty Walton’s Apple Pie Moonshine. Infused with real apples and all the spices of an apple pie, this shine has all the flavor of its name with the kick of the shine. I expect it to make fall cooking with apples extra special.
Bourbon and whiskeySome of the flavored moonshinesCarolina moonshineCorn whiskey
“Moonshine is more of a novelty product,” Walton says, “everyone wants to buy it thinking of the Prohibition era, and, in my family, our ancestors were making it here and transporting it to New York during that time (illegally). Most makers that make shine now do so as a hobby following the same regional methods of their ancestors to create a quick liquor with a cheap and fast yield.” That novelty is often quite personal for the guests at Walton’s Distillery; many come as descendants of moonshiners with familiar ties to what the Walton products offer legally today. Some have gifted Walton with photographs and memorabilia for display at the distillery.
Vintage truck from the Prohibition era at the distillery
Moonshining was such a source of pride in Walton’s own family that the cousin that helped start the moonshine still, Norwood Rochelle, shared his version of the generations-old family recipe without a penny of payment. “When he wouldn’t take payment,” Walton said, “I told him I would never sell a jar of shine without giving him credit for it. To this day, his picture is on every label.”
Portrait of Norwood Rochelle hanging in the gift shop at the Distillery
Family remains the heartbeat of Walton’s Distillery. Built in 2013 on the site where numerous illegal stills had previously operated, Walton’s Distillery is a family-owned and operated business. “All our products bear the names of my ancestors as a lasting tribute to them, the hardships they endured, the goals they obtained, and the legacies they have left,” says Walton. Unlike beer and wine, distilled spirits cannot be sold online. This makes distribution and growth a real concern for the business. “The easiest part of this business is making the spirits,” Walton says. “The hardest part is marketing and selling. You’re out if you can’t get into an ABC Store. Without that, you limit yourself to local customers.” Growth and marketing for distilleries has to be creative. To that end, Walton’s Distillery hosts five open house events with live music and free food for the public. You can visit the distillery for tours and free tastings throughout the year, Monday through Saturday, from 10AM to 4PM at 261 Ben Williams Road, Jacksonville, NC 28540. For more information, check out their website at www.waltonsdistillery.com.
Walton’s DistilleryWater fountain and distillery warehouseBourbon distillery where corn liquid goes firstFinal distillery for bourbonLive band at the February 2022 open houseMoonshine distilleryThe original corn whiskey stillOne of the original family stillsOld soda machine in gift shop
Today, March 25th, Greeks all over the world are celebrating blue and white pride in honor of Greek Independence Day. On this day in 1821, Bishop Germanos of Patras raised the Greek flag with a cry “Freedom or Death”, and a revolution against over 400 years of Ottoman Empire rule was born. Other European countries joined in the fight, and a treaty ended it all with an independent Greek state in 1829.
Greeks live all over the world today. In fact, the highest concentration of Greeks outside of Greece–approximately 3 million–live in the United States today. Greek Independence Day is celebrated with parades, flags, and traditional folk dress, but it is also a holy day honored with church services. This day is celebrated in the Christian liturgical calendar as the Feast of Annunciation, the day the angel told the Virgin Mary she would bear the Christ child. Many Greeks celebrate their independence by also celebrating the holy day in church services.
Greek culture is about far more than a Mediterranean diet or grabbing a gyro for lunch. To learn about Greek culture, we went to Isaak’s International, a marketplace catering to imported Greek, Italian, and Middle Eastern food at 308 East Southerland Street, Wallace, NC. The Greek owners, Isaac and Soteria Georgiadis, took time to tell me about life as a Greek and shared their culture through food, music, and pictures. It was the kind of hospitality that makes you homesick for a country you have never been to. Isaak’s International is open 11AM to 6PM Monday through Saturday. For more information, call 910-665-1464 or email the store at isaaksinternational@gmail.com.
Soteria and Isaac Georgiadis with Store Manager, Jody Hoffmann, and General Manager, Mary Blair Young.Imported tea and spicesQuality imported Greek olive oilsImported tomatoes and goodsCustom made local desserts and pastriesImported Italian gelatoGreek spoon sweetsIsaak International store front
Finding authentic international culture in the middle of a small, southern town, is not as odd as it may seem, but this location was the result of a direct need. The owners moved to North Carolina from New York and had to make trips to New York to purchase the products they cook regularly with. After years of dreaming of opening their own store, in April 2021, they finally got the opportunity to do so. Isaak’s International is an oasis for imported foods used in many European cultures.
Food
Greeks have a saying that “food is life.” The very flavor of the earth itself transfers into the food it creates–even the processed foods coming out of Greece. Olives grow better there. Lemons are happier there. Even the pasta tastes different. Food is a celebration of life that transcends nationality, but the Greeks make it a social event.
Greeks are everywhere and in more of us than you may think. Greek culture has been influenced by invading cultures since 350 BC. Those influences later became the cultures of Italy, England, Turkey, and other European countries. As we immigrated from those countries to America, we brought the ancient Greek roots with us. Many of those influences can be seen in our food from the tall hats chefs wear to much of the vegetarian cuisine we eat today. Like many clean eating diets, Greek cooking involves food cooked in season and with little to no preservatives.
For my attempt at Greek food, I asked for guidance at Issak’s International, bought authentic Greek ingredients, and made Greek Manestra. Click here for a recipe to make your own.
Religion
Though it is officially a secular state, 98% of Greeks identify as Christian and associate with the Greek Orthodox church. The Greek Orthodox Church has many conservative beliefs, but one that is pervasive is the idea that life is not separate from the church. Therefore, Greeks tend to be deeply devout people throughout the week–not just on Sundays. Orthodox faith is focused on the ancient roots of the Christian faith. For more about what they believe and how the church as a whole came to America, check out the Orthodox church website.
Work-Life Balance
In Greece, people work to live not live to work. As a nation made of over 2000 islands, many Greeks were traditionally farmers or fisherman. Today, Greeks can be found in all available commercial occupations, and many of them work multiple jobs. Work shuts down from 2-6pm for afternoon meals and rest time called “messimerino”. Most work days start at 8 or 9am and resume from 6-8pm after the afternoon break.
Family comes first in Greek culture, and they show that by how they spend quality time together. For example, it is traditional to welcome guests with a spoon sweet: a thick flavored sugar that is usually offered by spoonfuls in a glass of water to guests. The spoon sweet flavors the water and is eaten slowly off the spoon while you sit and talk.
When Greeks get together, it is usually coupled with food, music, and dancing. The type of dance and music differs slightly based on the region, but all Greeks can say hello and goodbye with a simple “Yassou!” It is the Greek version of “aloha”.
Cultural Dances
Here’s an example of traditional Greek dance that is recognizable to most cultures today. The Zorba dance seen here is actually from an older all-male dance, the Syrtaki, celebrating the butcher guild and connecting the dancers with aprons, napkins, and a butcher knife.
In Northern Greece along the Black Sea, dancers wear traditional dress involving tobacco, smokers, pouches, a knife, a prayer box, and a cross charm.
In mainland Greece, traditional dance involves kilts and tights, and the instruments include clarinets.
Interested In More Stories Like This?
Check out our story on Afghanistan featuring writing from an Afghan native, Merzae.
From the mark of Alexander the Great in 329 BC to the Asian culture in the 6th Century at Bamyan to the Sultans in 1194 creating a World Heritage Site at the Minaret of Jam, Afghanistan is an intersection of many of the cultures that formed our world. Long sought after for its natural mineral resources and geographic location, the country of Afghanistan has suffered at the hands of brutal tyrants for centuries. This weekend marks the Persian celebration of Nowruz which many Afghanis enjoy in a way similar to American Thanksgiving with special foods and time with family and friends. Yet, the Taliban does not consider it to be an authentic holiday to the Afghan culture, so they discourage the celebration of it. The following article written by an Afghan friend of mine shows the beauty of the country and what lies beneath the layers of war outsiders see. I think the pride he has in his country is something we all can identify with and learn from. Please continue to pray for Afghanistan and encourage American support of our allies there; it is not a safe country and won’t be till the Taliban are removed from it.
by Merzae
There is an innate sense in all of us to love the land we are in. It is the ultimate thought of beauty that exists for all human beings more or less, I do not think there is any human being on earth who does not love his land–even those of us who must live in lands plagued by bad economic times, bad politics, war, and natural disasters. Even when your native country is an unfavorable atmosphere forcing you to leave it for a season, there is still a love for that country beating from the depths of your heart that will not rest until you can return to it. It is the will of every Afghan–wherever we are in the world–to be buried in my land so that, after death, we may sleep peacefully in our land.
Afghanistan is one of the saddest countries in the world because of the suffering we see here. We see death daily through war and hunger. Jobs are hard to find and even harder to keep. We struggle to find safe places to live and raise our families, and we worry about the future we have to give our children. We have become the victim of wars fought by foreign empires seeking to control our land for its natural and historic resources. They come to take from us and leave us in the dark ages–unadvancing into the current opportunities for growth and technology.
Our country is strategically placed geographically to provide intelligence for other surrounding countries in the region. This has made us become the graveyard of all the empires that have tried to conquer us, yet they keep coming. As a people, we have become extremely xenophobic; we show love to strangers as our guests, but we don’t want them to become our lords and rulers.
You may ask why such patriotism has not been met with prosperity and development in Afghanistan. The answer to that is complex and goes through centuries, but it is also a simple one. We do not move forward because we are constantly held back by war. Those who temporarily conquer us don’t have the vision to develop us into a globally contributing country either. They seek to use us and move on from here to conquer more lands. The majority of Afghans do not know who to blame for this dysfunctional existence. The multidimensional and complex question we keep asking ourselves is: do we live like this because of something we have done, our conquerors, or both? Despite all of its problems, we Afghans still love our country.
We hold everything dear here. We enjoy a mild climate most of the year and have some of the best natural foods because of it. We love to pack picnics and escape to places like Band-e Amir National Park when the weather is nice, and we can safely do so. We are also deeply cultured and prideful about our roots. This has led us to nurture many scholars and poets such as Maulana Jalaluddin Balkhi, Ibn Sina, and Abu Rihan.
Waterfall in Band-e AmirLake and mountains in Band-e AmirHerat Central Blue Mosque near the border with IranHerat Blue MosqueBamyan Buddha before it was destroyed by the TalibanMinaret of Jam in western AfghanistanBand-e Amir
We are the land of fire and smoke, of antiquity, and of the war-torn. We burn to build. We love this ruin and mourning. We stay and fight to improve our situation, and we won’t give up till our country has its own path to prosperity. Problems will never stop us from loving our homeland. We Afghans are hardworking people with a rich, ancient culture and beautiful land to call our home.
There is no Afghan who has left the country because of loss of interest. Only the circumstances of the times they are living in can force them temporarily away. Still, when they go, their hearts are filled with the love of their country. There is a famous Afghan song when our people emigrate. It says:
I went homeless, I went from house to house Without you, I always went shoulder to shoulder with sadness My only love from you is my sign Without you, my poem and song have no salt My land is tired of persecution My land is silent and silent My land is suffering from incurability My Land When did my land make you sad? When did my land open for you? When has my land been faithful to you? My Land My Moon And Star My Way Again My proposition is not everywhere They stole your treasure for their own sake Break Your Heart Whoever Turns My land is tired of persecution My land is silent and silent My land is suffering from incurability My Land My land is like a waiting eye My land is like a dusty plain My land is like a heart of sorrow
Afghan Immigration Song
Child in traditional dressChildren in traditional clothingChildren playing in a field with cows and mountains in the background
The love for our homeland is so great that we consider living and dying abroad as a disgrace. We love Afghanistan as one loves a child; it is a feeling that comes from the soul. It has nothing to do with the facilities and comforts that are provided. Though a tyrannical and terrorist regime (the Taliban) currently rules our land, we know their end is destruction. Though we struggle to live through poverty and economic problems, through war, burning houses, and a reign of darkness, still love remains. We are ready to sacrifice our lives for this great love.
Learn from us! America, you have the best country in the world in terms of facilities, sweetness, blessings, comfort, and standards of living. Enjoy your freedom and the light you have there. Create a stable and peaceful atmosphere and use the climate and resources afforded to you to enjoy your life. Love your country with all the gentle tenderness of a lover–it is your gift to steward and maintain for future generations.
Nowruz is the celebration of the start of Spring in the northern hemisphere. It’s exact date changes annually as it depends on when the Earth’s equator passes the Sun and day and night become equal in length. This happens between March 19th and 21st.
Specific foods and celebrations differ depending on where it is celebrated, but it is generally a shared cultural holiday observed by over 300 million people worldwide. To learn more about how it is celebrated in Afghanistan, read this article.
One of the primary dishes used to celebrate Nowruz in Afghanistan is a mixed dried fruit and nut dish called “Haft Mewa” or “Seven Fruits”. One of the seven ingredients in the recipe from my friend was not able to be sourced in America. I was not able to source the Oleaster (Lotus tree fruit or Russian Olives) to make this myself. However, Afghani Humaira Ghilzai uses another recipe that replaces the Oleaster with dried cherries. You can find most the ingredients at nuts.com including some pre-blanched nuts to save you that step. Here is a video touring Little Kabul in Northern California and showing you how to make the modified version of Haft Mewa.
In the language of the Jewish culture (Hebrew), the word for Sabbath is Shabbat (pronounced shuh-baat). In Jewish culture, work of all kinds stops for 25 hours from the sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday. Special meals, prayers, gatherings, and services are performed over the course of those 25 hours, but the prep for them starts as early as midway in the week before them. You can read more about those traditions here.
What is Sabbath?
Like so many Jewish traditions, Shabbat celebrates God’s providence in the past. The Sabbath celebrates God’s providing and protecting hand throughout the past, present, and the future. Sabbath is also about God the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), and it was moved to Sunday for multiple reasons. According to this article from Christianity Today, it has been suggested that the Sabbath changed to Sunday as more people outside of the Jewish culture came to believe in Christ. To pick a day that was not tied to Jewish tradition alone, the early church chose to remember both the start of Creation and the resurrection of Jesus Christ by making the Sabbath on Sunday (since both happened on that day).
How Sabbath Differs
Shabbat and Sabbath are both a day off work to rest and draw closer to God. However, the Sabbath has far less traditional obligations in Christian culture. Most Christians just go to church on Sunday and are done with it. Others go out to eat or cook something special at home that they don’t normally have through the week. Still, others make intentional sacrifices–like going without tech devices for the day–to show reverence to God. In short, religious traditions for a Sabbath revolve around church attendance and personal convictions.
Where Do They Both Come From?
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and everything in it. He did all this work in six days and rested on the seventh day. That seventh day of rest was later made into a rule for God’s people to follow:
Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work,but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
Exodus 20:8-11, NIV
Why Sabbath Is Importantp
As Season 1, Episode 2 of The Chosen demonstrated, Sabbath Rest is about spending time intentionally off work and with loved ones and fellow believers to pursue the presence of God. It comes as an overflow of our act of faith and God’s gift of provision. In Exodus 14, Israel was rescued out of slavery in Egypt and sent into a “promised land” full of impossibilities. Every step into the new world took extraordinary Hebrews 11 kind of faith, and God rewarded them with protection (Exodus 13:12-22), food (Exodus 16:4), clothing (Deuteronomy 29:5), and conquerable land. Still we find ourselves fearful, wandering, questioning God, and reluctant to take even one day to think about our relationship to Him and try to get closer to Him.
Selah: Pause and Consider This
In Isaiah 43:2, God made His people this promise: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
In Exodus 14, God parted the Red Sea to help the Israelites escape the Egyptians, and he folded it in on and drown those that dared pursue them. In Joshua 3, God parted the waters again all the way down to dry land by carrying the Ark of the Covenant across a body of water. In Daniel 3, three men were thrown into a blazing hot fire for not worshiping a statue. A “fourth man” showed up in the fire and kept all of them from burning or even smelling of smoke. It was so miraculous that the King who threw them in the fire removed them and made a new law showing support and allegiance to the God able to do that miracle.
Does looking back on the God that did all of this make a difference in how you approach the impossible things in your life today? Does thinking about his past deeds help you desire to spend more time with him today? What gets in the way of you truly resting in the presence of God on your Sabbath? When you compare yourself to the characters in the show, are you tripped by your past like Mary? tied to religious rituals like Nicodemus? stuck in relational conflict like Matthew? or too afraid to stop working like Simon?
At the time of writing this post, we are in the first week of Lent on the liturgical calendar. The liturgical calendar is a year-round cycle of events that helps Christians get into a rhythm of prayerful, thankful acknowledgment of God at work in their lives. The calendar transcends denominations because God didn’t make them; it focuses on specific events leading to the two most holy events in Christianity: Christmas and Easter.
Lent is a period of 40 days of fasting honoring what Jesus went through in the wilderness prior to Easter. It runs from March 2nd to April 16th and excludes Sundays so Christians can break their fast and celebrate their faith. Lent starts with Ash Wednesday, and on this day, many Christians put ash on their foreheads to remind themselves of how finite life is; we all return to dust eventually. For the next 40 days, Christians choose some food to avoid, and they become more intentionally prayerful and generous. They give to the needy more. They think about Christ more. They read more of the Bible and devotionals. It is a time to remember the suffering of Christ on the cross, examine our own hearts, and allow God to further shape us into the image of Christ we are meant to bear in this world.
Closing Thoughts
We have the right to take physical rest whenever and wherever we want to, but our souls only find rest in the presence of God. As we surrender to our need for Him, God calms our anxious minds and fills our reservoir with peace. Surrender is not a passive thing. Consider Matthew 11:28-30. The same God who said he would do whatever it takes to buy your ransom in Isaiah 43:2 also says you have a yoke and burden to bear (just not a heavy one).
What burdens have you allowed yourself to take on lately? What does the Bible have to say on those issues? Never take a thought as a truth in itself; always hold it up to the light of Truth by comparing it to the Gospel. More of what we hear in our heads is coming from a negative place not a scriptural one.
Consider joining Sacred Ordinary Days to help you get into a practice of communal living in God’s presence through the liturgical year. It can also help you to create a sustainable rhythm in your prayer and personal worship time as you learn to live in harmony with key events in your field of faith.
When you love to travel as I do, the most frustrating thing is waiting to have the money to hit the road again. What if you didn’t have to? In today’s post, I will share with my favorite ways to travel within a budget as well as how to save money when more expensive travel is necessary.
Traveling Within A Budget
One of the tricks I learned when I was a young, poor college student was to simply explore the new town I was in. I went to places I had never been to before, and I window shopped. When I wanted to spend money, I gave myself a reasonable limit. Sometimes, I even made myself go with cash only, so I couldn’t add debt with my spending.
Today, I still find this to be my favorite way to explore and travel on a regular basis, but I have expanded it. Now, I go to new towns I haven’t visited before, within a reasonable commute of my home. I will go almost anywhere as long as I can drive there and back in a day. If it takes longer than that or is too much mileage to drive, I have to consider flight cost, housing, and food. In those cases, I would probably refer to Nomadic Matt for advice on how to work my way through my travels.
When you compare the cost of gas to the cost of food and housing, day trips really do save money. I drove all the way across my state and back for a recent adventure and only spend $100 plus my shopping money.
Bonus: Daytrips are a great way to find new favorites. One day, I drove south the same distance I used to commute daily north, and this one little change helped me find a town I absolutely love now. I’ve been back multiple times to explore more locations and meet new people. Now it feels like home.
Saving Money On More Expensive Travel
Sometimes a day trip just can’t cut it, and you need to go somewhere for a couple days. Whether you are celebrating a special event or just getting away for a breather or purposefully seeing the wonders of the world beyond your commutable distance, longer travel is always something worthwhile to do, AND you can still save money doing it.
A 2018 article suggested many different ideas to save money while traveling. Here are some of my favorites and my take on them:
Bring your own food; don’t eat out all the time.
It is easy to spend money on food and not even realize how much you spent, but you can limit that running faucet of spending by bringing food from home. Pack simple groceries that you don’t have to refridgerate much, and consider a stay with free breakfast to cut down on more food cost. Let yourself slurge on a local lunch more than dinner because lunch is always cheaper.
If food is important to your experience, give yourself more room to splurge. If shopping and activities is more important, this is an easy place to cut costs and put the money where you really want to spend it. I can think of times when both shopping and food were important in my travels, but the older I get, the more I want mementos and good pictures more than great food at exorbitant prices. For my next adventure, I went to my favorite little international grocer, bought some special canned and refrigerated foods, and plan to pack them on ice to carry with me to my room. That should help cut at least a little of the food costs there.
Travel during off-season.
Believe it or not, even fancy resorts open up for less than $100 a night during off season. The trick to resort booking, however, is the extra fees for simply having resort amenities. To be able to stay in a historical site and get discounts to food and events, you can end up paying an extra $10-35 a night! For that price, I lose whatever deals I found online, and I am back to comparing a room to a hotel.
Resort or hotel, you almost always find the best prices during times of the year when few people frequent that location. For example, mountains are popular during the fall, and the beach is popular during the summer. If you want a deal on either location, go during seasons when they are not popular. Even last minute same day deals can be better booked online because locations would rather slash prices to fill rooms and make some profit than leave the rooms empty.
Research your stay options on Google and be flexible with your dates.
Google gives you real-time comparison data for prices, reviews, and reservations. Usually, staying during the week is cheaper than a weekend stay, but you really want to read reviews before you commit to a place. A lot of hotels trick you with good pictures, but the reality is far from them. Read the most recent reviews possible and watch, too, how the management responded to them. I read one property arguing with guests over their negative reviews, and that alone made me feel uncomfortable staying there as a guest.
If certain amenities are important to you, consider calling before you book to make sure they are available. Depending on the season and Covid restrictions, a lot of amenities are unavailable right now.
Consider alternative housing such as hostels, AirBnB, or VRBO.
You can find a cheap bed almost anywhere in the world at Hostels World. If you are not afraid of sharing bathrooms and living quarters with only your bed for privacy, you can sleep cheaply (even $20-30 a night) and save the difference for use in your travels for food, transportation, events, and more.
I know a world traveler that swears by this method of travel. She has been in over 80 countries and met a lot of people through hostels and never had a problem yet. It is a minimalist way of traveling, though. There really isn’t room for an entourage of luggage or your hogging the bathroom for hours.
If you want a unique experience, check our Airbnb or VRBO. You can still find cheap deals and stay cool places like treehouses or antique farms on Airbnb. However, the cleaning fees since Covid has made rooms on Airbnbs as much as hotels in most places. I prefer a lot more privacy and hotel amenities like a pool when I travel, so I find myself opting for hotels more.
How to determine what is too much to pay for a hotel room
I use Google, free rewards clubs with hotel chains, and discount programs available through my health insurance to help me find the best price on a hotel room in a location.
I have learned to follow customer reviews to see what is fair to expect for pricing. Generally speaking, $60 and below is often a budget motel with bug problems, odors, old furnishing, bad service, and cleanliness issues. $70-100 seems to be the average good deal price right now for a room in a hotel with a good clean room, fitness and business amenities, and breakfast. Don’t take for granted free parking and mini fridges either; some places charge extra for that.
If a stay is too expensive, I look somewhere else in a neighboring town or on Airbnb. Sometimes, hosts give discounts for longer stays on Airbnb. If it is still too expensive, I rethink the whole timing of the trip.
Concluding Thoughts
Don’t ever tell yourself that you have to wait to be rich to travel. If you have that wanderlust of a gypsy, that itch to move like a pioneer, scratch it! You don’t need much to go somewhere new. Somewhere new is probably just 30 minutes from your house. Start small, explore neighbor cities, and shop local. The more you explore, the more you learn, and the easier it is to stretch beyond those small beginnings.
Don’t ever be ashamed to share your rambling heart. Embrace who you are, and go share your love with the world. The world needs more light like you in it.
When we were kids, many of us were taught to see strangers as potentially dangerous. This was especially true for unknown adults talking to children. But does stranger danger end when you are kids, or is it just beginning? In this article, we talk to Wallace Police Chief, James Crayton, Cry Freedom Missions CEO, Beverly Weeks, and COO, Jonathan Chavous, to learn about claims that human trafficking is increasing in Duplin County, how to recognize it, and how to act against it.
On December 16, 2021, a story circulated Facebook claimed that a woman was targeted at the Walmart in Wallace for an attempted abduction by human traffickers. Though the woman never filed a police report on the incident, it started conversations of concern that there may be a rise in human trafficking in Duplin County. Beverly Weeks, CEO of Cry Freedom Missions, stated that “most cases go unreported because the victims don’t even realize they are victims.” Furthermore, she said, “I would argue that poverty, drugs, pornography, social media, Covid leaving kids unsupervised and releasing inmates into the population, our close proximity to military bases, major highways, and coastal waterways have all increased cases of human trafficking in North Carolina—and in this area.”
What is Human Trafficking?
US law defines trafficking as when a person 18 or older is enticed to have sex for money because of force, fraud, or coercion. For persons below the age of 18, any act where the person is induced to perform sexually or in other forms of forced labor including involuntary service, peonage, debt bondage, and slavery is considered human trafficking.
Human traffickers make an estimated $150 billion in profits from the manipulation and bondage of others. In the United States, North Carolina ranks consistently in the top 10 for states with high trafficking cases. Though the government has increased its efforts to fight this problem, real change ultimately lies with the public becoming aware of their tactics and proactively acting.
The Stranger You Know
According to Cry Freedom Missions, a ministry helping trafficking victims walk out healing and restoration in our area, most stranger danger starts in your home on your devices. Both male and female traffickers stalk their prey online through social media and gaming systems. They look for insecurity and weakness posted freely online, and they build a profile of how to get to you. They reach out as a friend request or message from a stranger complimenting you on your beauty or niceness. They entice you with promises of love, acceptance, and opportunity better than what you currently live in. They build trust with you and convince you that they want the best for you. Victims can be any age or gender, but the targeted age for most human traffickers now is 11-14 years old.
Force, Fraud, or Coercion
Human trafficking happens by one of three ways: force, fraud, or coercion. Force is when someone is abducted physically such as kidnapping, rape, or following someone in their vehicle. Force is the one you hear about the most, but it actually happens the least. That is because most traffickers prefer to work from the shadows where they are less likely to be seen or caught.
Most trafficking cases come in the form of fraud or coercion.
Fraud is when a lie is used to convince someone that they must give themselves willingly to avoid some other greater trouble. This tactic is often used on immigrants who are unaware of our legal system. For example, a trafficker can claim to be able to save the person from deportation in exchange for their service in free labor or the sex trade.
Coercion is when the person is threatened harm if they do not perform the service. The threat can be mental harm such as the threat of exposing nude images of them to friends and family. It can also be physical harm such as getting them hooked on drugs and threatening to remove the drugs if they don’t perform the service. Because of this method of control, it has been suggested that many of the people facing criminal charges in court right now may actually be victims of human trafficking.
Take Action
If you are a parent, check your child’s devices, online activity, and gaming systems. Know the strangers they are welcoming into your home and what they are saying to them. Conversations online are everywhere from comments on YouTube to forums buried inside apps like Roblox. Shine a light on every area of communication in your household, and verify they are who they say they are. Screen conversations and get to know the online strangers in your home; it is important to know what is influencing your children.
Not everyone online is a predator, but you need to be proactively screening them as if they were. Don’t be public with your whereabouts or personal details, and don’t publish all your feelings where everyone can see them. Set boundaries for the interactions you have online. Some people delete new friend requests and only talk online to people they know in real life. Others screen new connections through mutual friends and video chat to confirm they are who they say they are. Wallace Police Chief James Crayton suggests that you also follow local law enforcement on social media. Many scams are reported through social media to help keep the public aware, cautious, and protected.
Safety in Public
When you are in a public place, it is still possible to be a victim of human trafficking by force. The best way to combat this tactic is to be vigilantly aware of your surroundings. Parents, it is a good idea to always check on where your kids are and who they are with.
When you are in public, you are most vulnerable when you are in transition from a building to a car or by yourself in a public place. During these moments, it is especially important to think defensively and not be distracted by devices and other things. Take note if someone is loitering near your vehicle, making you feel threatened, or looking suspicious in some other way. Avoid dark, lonely alleys and taking the attacker home with you when you feel you are being chased. Know your surroundings well enough that you always have an escape plan if something goes wrong. Wallace Police Chief James Crayton says that if you feel like you are being watched or followed, go to the police or sheriff’s department–don’t go home.
How To Help
If you see something that looks suspicious, report it to the local law enforcement. Your action can help stop the effectiveness of trafficking circles in your area. If you or someone you know is being trafficked and needs help to get out, connect with Cry Freedom Missions at 919-988-9262.
When you love someone in the military, the thing no one tells you is that you get conscripted too. You are required to move when and where the military dictates. You have to sacrifice your career, family, and friends to keep your marriage together.
In addition, you have to be flexible to enjoy downtime with your service member when they have it–whether scheduled or random. Sometimes you are all alone and feel like you are living single even when you aren’t single at all. If that wasn’t hard enough, you do it in strange places where you have no familiar support to lean on.
Military life is isolation and trust. It is hardcore faith in someone that you chose to love even when your feelings of love are far from you. If you think it is glamorous, don’t. Being a military spouse is a calling; it is not for the faint of heart. The Military Wife and Mom wrote an insightful article about this with more details about what it takes to date and love a service member. Read her article here.
All branches of the military are different, but I think the Marines say it best concerning the reality of how most military spouses are treated. They say “if the Marines wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one”.
Think about that for a moment. Let it sink in. That statement means that loving someone in the military is an uphill battle because command ALWAYS comes before love and family. Can you respect that? Can you still love and honor someone whose first priority is not you or your kids? Unfortunately, in military life the job and mission come before anything else.
What are the long range payoffs of military service?
Military service is a short-term commitment with a long-term payment. Service members serve a certain number of years, retire with full benefits, and go on to live a whole new life with a pension that carries them for the rest of their lives. Some get out before building up their pension. Others stay in service even longer with contracted work.
But that long-term payment is bittersweet. If you stay long enough for the financial benefits, you get a lot more memories to leave emotional scars, too. The things service members see in combat follow them for the rest of their lives. It can take a toll on relationships. PTSD is a real disease treated now in civilians as well as military personnel, but it used to be excused as a weakness in the military. This article explains in more detail how it affects veterans.
Beyond these involuntary physical responses to trauma, military relationships often suffer the fallout of stress that long distances and time apart can cause. Far too many service members get Dear John letters from lovers who can’t stay faithful to them while they are deployed.
Many more return home to a distant spouse and family because they got used to life without them. The emotional toll of military life is a lot harder and a lot longer lasting than it seems. Hear how several military spouses identify signs of love in their relationships, and you will see it is attention to detail in the little things that make survival long term possible.
So, how do you protect yourself from trauma within a military relationship?
The answers are not easy and are numerous.
Choose to make your love an anchor and honor that person no matter how unfair your sacrifices to do so seem sometimes. You remember why you loved them in the first place, and you surround yourself with those memories when the dark times come.
Make the sacrifices for your family and career, and you don’t blame them for the times they are away because of their command.
Countdown the days, weeks, months, hours, and years to their military retirement and make plans for the future to give you both hope.
Make friends with other military spouses and journey through this hard life together.
Give it your all like the good all-American warrior that you are because you ARE a warrior.
Every day you choose to love someone difficult to love is an act of war and a battle worth winning, in my opinion.
So, how do you handle important decisions and disagreements when your military spouse is away?
You need to realize that the most important thing to both of you right now is not arguing over minor problems between you: it is getting your soldier home safely.
Your service member is trusting you to be strong enough to take care of yourself and your family while they are gone. Don’t give them something to worry about because worry takes their mind off the mission and on you.
It might be romantic to think your soldier is overseas worried about you, but it isn’t. Every minute that a soldier is more concerned about life back home while he is in the battlefield is a moment he puts himself and his entire company in danger. Think twice before you pick a fight with a deployed soldier. No matter how alone you feel, you have to remember that military life is about protecting the ones you love the most and defending the ideals that make us all proud Americans.
When your service member is away, it is YOU they fight for–not that location or that country. Don’t steal the heart of their fight by making problems for them. Save the tough conversations for when they are home. Keep your conversation positive but authentic while they are away. Your love is life to them; your trust and commitment is more powerful than all the weapons in their arsenal.
Let this time of deployment be a time of growth and development for you as well. The Chicago Tribune wrote an article about how to deal with deployments that included many helpful tips for establishing reliable communication with your service member before and during deployment to reduce anxiety. Check out the article here.
How do you guard your heart if the service member you love is someone you only met online?
First of all, take your time. Before you can really love someone, you need to meet them in person. Call it chemistry, but anyone can be anything they want to be online. Before you fall in love with a lie, wait untill you meet them. The Soldier Project wrote a great article on this subject with advice to also be able to tell when your service member is “into you.” Check out the article here.
Secondly, don’t spend a dime on them. I mean it! Don’t even buy them a present! Until you meet in person, you are potentially falling for a lie, and the number one scam with Stolen Valor (when someone steals a military person’s identity to create a persona meant to steal from others) is circling around you paying for them to come see you. Military leave is something that is earned not bought. Even if you do exhaust your credit and pay for that $4-10k leave, you aren’t getting your service member home with it. You just paid a scammer their paycheck.
Lastly, knowledge is power. Immerse yourself in military culture. Get to know real military members and their families in all branches of the military. The more you know, the harder it is for someone to snow you. If someone tries to present you with Stolen Valor, you will be able to see it easier when you already know the culture they are trying to rip off. Scammers don’t understand military rank, branches, job descriptions, or technical details. Everything they get comes from Googling it, and guess what…you can do that too. If something sounds fishy, Google it. Your best defense is a good offense and that is ALWAYS verifying what someone tells you online before you fully believe in it.
How do you protect yourself online if you are in the military?
No matter how proud you are of what you do for a living (or your private gun collection), don’t post pictures online of yourself in your uniform or with weapons. Especially as you go up in rank, you are a target. I don’t even have to be your friend on social media to steal your pictures and become you, so stop sharing damaging Intel.
If you want to be online, be online with an alias. Don’t even let the world see your real name. I would even go so far as to edit pictures to mark out your real name. It is just much safer for you to hide in cloaks and daggers than it is to trust your identity is safe online. No one is safe online, but it is the high profile targets like military officers and celebrities that scammers target to copy the most.
Don’t be naive, soldier, you are loveable. The uniform alone is swoon worthy for a lot of us, but you don’t need a lover who just wants you for your rank. Wait for the warrior who loves you for your heart and partners with your dreams. Look for that person who is not afraid to walk through fire with you. Wait for the person whose love is like a slow cooker–harder to earn but always warm for you. Don’t love anyone online only; meet in person before you get serious and drop the “Love” word on your relationship.
Dear reader, if you have been the victim of an internet scam, know it is not your fault and you are not alone. Stolen Valor is a federal crime. Report it and try not to hold the military at fault for what happened to you.
Some scammers can actually be human traffickers that have been casing you out on social media. Read more about this crime and seek help. Don’t stay isolated and don’t believe the lie that this happened to you because of something wrong or ugly about you. You are beautiful. THEY are ugly.
Criminals have no other intentions than to make money off you and make you so scared you trust no one. If you don’t give in but still talk to them, all you are doing is helping them become better at their craft to hurt someone else.
Be better than that.
Cut them off and report it before it goes more than even a couple of weeks in communication. Read this article to help you better know if you are a victim and how to deal with it.
Recently internationally best-selling author, Mari L. McCarthy, sent me a copy of her new book, Mindset Medicine: A Journaling Power Self-Love Book. In the book, the author shares 14 writing prompts and ways to heal from mental, emotional, and physical trauma through journaling. I accepted the book to write a book review, but I picked it up to read it at a time when I desperately needed it.
Mari’s book came to me at a time when the absolute last thing I thought I needed to learn about was disciplined writing. When I opened it to the introduction, it read like Mari was talking directly to me.
If you’ve slowly developed a feeling that big tech, mass media, and our cultural and government institutions are doing everything they can to brainwash you, you should pay attention to this feeling. You should pay attention to it and trust it, because it’s your intuition feeding you the truth. Make no doubt about it, your heart and soul are under siege by societal forces that don’t have your best interests in mind….These forces want to separate you from YOU….view this book as an invitation to journey inward and deprogram what you’ve been conditioned to believe you should be.
Mari L. McCarthy
The Mission
The book is about helping you reclaim your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Pulling from her personal experience overcoming Multiple Sclerosis (MS) through journaling, Mari leads readers to overcome their own greatest challenges through focused introspection. She doesn’t just lean on her own experiences either. Ms. McCarthy cites examples of other published medical studies that saw real change as a result of writing. Fourteen short chapters teach readers to apply the technique of writing to self-heal.
The Challenge
The first chapter really got me thinking about something. In my circles, I have seen a lot of harm come from social media. Friends pose pictures of themselves in their best lives, outfits, and moments. All the perfection makes you feel like you are missing out on the way life is supposed to be.
Then random strangers message you “hey beautiful” trying to get at your heart. If you are curious and lonely, you say “hi” back and open a door. If you are smart, you ignore them.
The question I find myself asking is why social media even wastes our time if it hurts our hearts so much. This idea is part of what I wrote about in response to the first prompt from the book below:
If you could really change the world, what would you want to change about it? Consider getting your own copy of Mari L. McCarthy’s Mindset Medicine and join the revolution of changing the world through writing.
Mindset Medicine book cover
About the Author
Author holding some of her books
Mari L. McCarthy, Founder and CEO – Chief Empowerment Officer of CreateWriteNow.com, teaches curious health-conscious action-takers how to use Journaling For The Health Of It®️ to heal the emotional, creative, physical, and spiritual issues in their tissues. She also shows them how to use this powerful personal transformation tool to know, grow and share their True Self. Mari is the multi award-winning author of Journaling Power: How To Create The Happy, Healthy Life You Want To Live, Heal Your Self With Journaling Power and Mindset Medicine: A Journaling Power Self-Love Book. She’s also created 20+ Journaling For The Health Of It® Self-Management 101 Workbooks including Who Am I?, Take Control Of Your Health! and Start Journaling For The Health Of It® Write Now.
Living single has its charms, but no one wants to be lonely. For those of us who want more than just friends to hang out with, online dating becomes an option. However, making connections with people online is extremely dangerous. If you can go into it with your armor on, you may be able to find someone worth exploring.
When I was actively looking, I tried dozens of dating sites and apps. They were all buggy and plagued with issues. When I finally decided to pay for something, I chose Christian dating sites. I wasn’t on both sites at the same time, and I couldn’t have afforded that if I wanted to. However, my experiences across a gap of about 5 years should give you some perspective of what to expect online dating on these sites and others like them.
Christian Mingle
Christian Mingle (CM) is a dating service that promises to be exclusively faith-based with their matches. Clients purchase a paid membership, answer a detailed intake questionnaire, and are matched to potential partners. Though there is an app version of the service, it is so buggy that it is a wonder the service still exists. Nevertheless, many reviewers have left positive reviews for the service and negatives for the app.
What you should expect from Christian Mingle is that you won’t get anything for free. Even the stuff they say is free to try is extremely limited on purpose to try to hook you in. No service can guarantee you a match much less a faithful Christian one, but this service does a fair attempt at trying to keep a safe, exclusive environment.
When I tried CM, there were a lot of legitimate good people on the site but not necessarily good prospects. I would say it was a lot of lonely people looking for connection without much to offer that connection. Nevertheless, I did meet a good person and move forward with dating him. We were able to stay together for two years, but it ended because we were long distance.
Images from the app store showing reviews as of 1.08.2022
eHarmony is a dating service that promises to make a match every couple of minutes, and they claim to have done so successfully for years. They do this based on a highly detailed algorithm and intake questionnaire used to match you to potential partners, but they don’t exclusively stick to it. Let me explain why they have that statistic and why it isn’t true…
What you should expect from eHarmony is a fairly decent app with advanced connection capabilities. You can also expect higher level prospects for your matches and a more closely scrutinized list of things they are looking for. What you can’t expect is for them to stick to your list or even honor it when they DON’T have the right matches—even if that means sending you same sex gender matches when you are heterosexual.
About five years ago, I tried eHarmony and that is what happened to me. They had more general prospects than Christian ones, and those that claimed to be Christian were either wearing the badge loosely or had already left. eHarmony kept their profiles active and used it to fluff their numbers. I know this because when I finally got tired of messaging people and hearing no response, I tried to leave. In the exit process, I was told that deleting my profile was not an option.
Images from the app store showing reviews as of 1.08.2022
Setting Your Expectations
If you are thinking of giving up and that it is all hopeless anyway, don’t. There as just as many lonely hearts looking for legitimate connection online as there are scammers. If looking for love online is part of your journey, go in hopeful but not with your efforts all in one place or your heart so open that it is easily scarred.
There are plenty of free and paid dating apps and services out there, but you need to prepare for the majority of the people you meet to be scammers. Until you meet on a video chat, don’t even consider falling in love with them. More than that, don’t let anyone talk you into sending them money for the privilege of their time and company. You can read more about how that happened to me on a secular site in this article.
That guy you are so focused on, the one you think hung the moon and stars, he didn’t. In fact, he will pull you away from the actual one who hung the moon and stars if you are not careful.
You are not a trashy person. Stop dressing like one. And stop giving the boys whatever they ask for. If you are not worth waiting for, they are not worth having as king of your castle. Don’t expect a Prince Charming out of an ugly toad no matter how much you kiss him.
Advice about dreams
So you want to be something that seems impossible, good! You are in good company with a lot of giants who changed the world. Know it isn’t easy to do that kind of work. Find someone who is doing what you want to do and doing it successfully–they aren’t broke or spending frivolously or being dishonest–and get them to mentor you.
Hold on and don’t give up! You have a God-sized dream which means it is one you can’t do without Him. Get serious about Jesus and get committed in your time spent building that relationship.
Advice about friends
Good friends are a lifeblood; bad friends corrupt even the little good you have. Friendship is an investment of time and resources. You don’t get to the good, life-long relationships without taking those sacrifices along the way. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life alone, get choosey about who you spend time with.
Don’t be afraid to say “no” to people. In fact, start now before you have a chronic habit of over committing yourself. If they are really your friends, they will understand. If they get mad, they probably weren’t your friends to begin with. Hold all those types of people loosely because they aren’t supposed to stay in your life forever.
The ones who are good life-long friends are the ones who support and encourage your dreams and aren’t afraid to challenge you when you get off the path in your goals or character. Make whatever sacrifices you need to make in your time and schedule to keep those people in your life. When you are old, your house will never lack for love or laughter because you made the effort to build relationships where they mattered.
A year ago or more, I bought this print from my friend Tracey Penrod. The image spoke to me of friendship and motherhood…of dreams yet to be fulfilled. I kept both the impressions and the artwork to myself until today. With permission from the artist to reprint her work here, I tell you that today, this image speaks to me about mentoring others.
What is Mentoring?
Mentoring is about giving back to the world some portion of what you have learned in it. When I write to you, dear reader, it is my attempt to help you learn and grow from my experiences.
But, actual mentorship gets more personal than a conversation like this. Mentorship is face-to-face and walking out life together with someone that can learn from you.
Why Do You Need Mentorship?
If you are young, the Bible says you are supposed to be mentored (into godly character and living) by older, more experienced Christians. So, in part, you can say mentorship is a part of developing your faith. But it is more than that.
To be a mentee makes you have wings to fly in your business, relationships with others, and personal life. It helps you more clearly define who you are to yourself and others. That clarity is immeasurably important–especially in business–because you have to be able to advocate for yourself to get ahead in this world.
Why Should You Be A Mentor?
If you think back to when you got started in your adult life, you did not do it alone. You had parents, teachers, or other business owners answering your questions. Most of the time, they did that all for free just to help. That is what mentorship is: selfless sacrifice for the good of others.
If you still don’t get it, think about how you want to be remembered and celebrated when you die. Will your funeral be Ebenezer Scrooge with one faithful employee that shows up–if you are lucky? Or will it be Franklin D. Roosevelt, whose passing was felt around the world and, when he died, a funeral train carried his body 3000 miles through 9 states for people to gather at the tracks and say farewell to his body as it passed.
What I find surprising about death is how much it tells you about the person. You learn things you never knew about them when they were alive, and you find out just what they meant to you emotionally.
Such was the case with my friend, Juanita Green.
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What is a Godmother?
It wasn’t till she passed that I realized who she was to me. Juanita was a godmother to me, and by that I mean she poured her life sacrificially as a mentor. Pastor Jim Wall, the Senior Pastor of The Bridge Church, used 1 Corinthians 4:15-17 to show us that the church “is desperate for some spiritual mommas and daddies”. Do the needs of the early church still stand true today? The answer is: absolutely!
Lisa Bevere coined the term “Godmother” for this in her latest Bible study, Godmothers. It means someone who is investing actively in the lives of other people around them. They do life with these people and show them God’s love in practical ways. They invest even to the point of taking a risk because they see value even when it isn’t there yet. They make sacrifices and sometimes live frugally because it is more important to them to make other peoples’ dreams come true than their own.
Show God’s Heart
1 John 2 has some strong words for those who claim to know Christ but hold on to hatred and unforgiveness towards others. I have to admit–I struggle with this one two. What it is trying to say is that God is not a god that plays favorites; if we want to be like Him and claim to be his, we have to be less and less prejudiced with our love. It also means that we have to be willing to forgive when people mess up–because they will…we all do. If you are honest with your own relationship with God and you show who you are with actions not just words, you will exhibit the character of a person who is what they say they are. THAT is a person people will follow and trust.
Make Room For Love In Your Timeline
All throughout the New Testament, Paul’s letters open and close with reminders of what he did in the presence of the people he was writing to. They also talk about people he left or sent to them as examples and witnesses of what he was saying. All those verses are good examples of what it looks like to make yourself available. Paul wasn’t always able to physically be where someone needed him to be, but he was always with them in spirit. I think that is an important thing to note because we all struggle with time management. Nevertheless, he made it a point to make time to communicate to the people he cared about. We should do likewise.
When is the last time you sat down with the people you loved and spent quality time with them doing something they cared about? When have you last told your loved ones that you love them? As a mentor, you need to be clearly communicating all that to your loved ones, but you also need to be available for the people you mentor.
Being a spiritual momma and daddy is about every interaction you have. It’s being available and sharing your life–not just leading a meeting.
Jim Wall, Senior Pastor of The Bridge Church
Deuteronomy 6:5-9 gives us a picture of what this looks like in a family setting. It shows us parents who make their faith a part of their everyday living. They teach their faith to their children and children’s children. They set up reminders around the house of the goodness of God.
How does that translate into mentorship?
Mentors need to see themselves as spiritual parents and grandparents. They should make faith a part of their everyday lives and live it out with their mentees in a true honest friendship relationship.
Believe To The Point Of Taking A Risk
Every great person in the Bible had someone believing in them when they were not yet great. That is what Jesus did with the disciples—especially Peter. How could Christ look at the man that would deny him three times and still say, in Matthew 16:18, that he would be the rock on which the church would be built? He said this not just because he was God. He said this because he believed in Peter and saw his potential even before there was evidence of it.
To be a good mentor, you have to be willing to do the same thing. Sometimes you have to trust someone when they are not currently getting it right or being trustworthy. This can be a risky thing to do because sometimes you have to invest in them in ways you don’t know how they will end up. Paul did that with a former slave in Philemon 1:18-19. He offered to pay off the debt he owed for him! And guess what happened to Philemon after that? Scholars believe he went on to pastor a church that changed a whole city!
The Risk Reward is a Legacy
The legacy you leave behind when you are a mentor is the people you invested in. It is their lives living on after you, leaving a mark in the world, that you have made different. Whether that is one life or one million doesn’t matter. What matters is that you didn’t keep it all to yourself. What matters is that you took the risk to gain the reward of a legacy of lives touched by your presence in it.
That is the risk Juanita Green took at the end of her life. She did not always live life well, but at the end of it all giving and mentoring was the refining fire of all her former selfishness (as she would have called it). She was not the first important mentor in my life nor will she be the last, but I think it is important to note here that she left the impression she did on me in just four months. It doesn’t take a lot of time to make a difference that changes a life for a lifetime. It just takes a heart open and willing to love.
A father [or mother] who serves the destiny of others above serving his own, will, in the end, fulfill his destiny.
For some reason, the beginning of the New Year feels like the perfect time to start something new. I’m not sure if fitness center marketing started that or if it really feels like an organic time to Get. On. Track.
The old habit:
Start a workout program with full vigor.
Watch it fizzle into a twice a week half-hearted treadmill jaunt.
Watch that turn into equal parts “I’m too tired” and self-shame.
Give it another go in a few month ‘cause New Year, New Me
Setting Goals That Matter
I’m talking about prioritizing changing the shape of your attitude before your abdomen. I know, the term “self-love” is really thrown around a lot. It sounds like a big task but it is really important and it takes practice and discipline–just like getting that booty you’ve always wanted. But it can help change your life, not just your body.
The Things We Tell Ourselves
I think the part that I always struggled with is: How do I love myself when I’m just so imperfect? How do I believe that I’m perfect AND have so many goals to be better?
The truth is that you ARE perfect right now. You are a miracle! And like a miracle of perfection you have the inner push to be better every day. So, be your own today’s version of perfect and it’s okay to push for tomorrow’s version of perfect sans the self-shame of not being perfect. Clear as mud?
The New Habit List
This new habit list is a starting point. Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn’t. I do recommend trying them a few days in a row before completely disregarding them.
Change is almost as uncomfortable as the day after lunges. You can make them fit your agenda, beliefs, and timelines. I just ask that you stay curious and make sure they feel good to your soul.
When you wake up and go into the bathroom, look into the mirror. Look into your eyes and smile at your reflection.
A few things can happen here. There is a good chance you’ll say, “This is stupid”. I ask that you stare a little longer. This isn’t easy for everyone, so have patience. You might get emotional.
Looking into your eyes might feel a lot like looking into your pain points, your sleeplessness, your insecurities. Notice the thought and let it go. Smile again.
No matter how you feel about what you see, this IS you. This is where you get to start your new journey today. Have gratitude that you’re standing and you have another opportunity to start a mini-adventure.
Do your bathroom business to include any self-care that lifts your mood.
Before you leave, put your hands on your hips, pick your chin up and close your eyes. Take a few deep-cleansing breaths.
On every inhale, count to five and imagine breathing in fresh, clear, clean air.
On every exhale, count to seven and imagine breathing out any thought or worry you’ve ever had.
Keep your eyes closed. Now imagine how it feels to be who you want to be.
If your goal is to be a healthy person, embody that feeling. What does it mean to you? What does it mean for you? How would you feel in your clothes? How would you feel in front of strangers or at the gym?
With your eyes closed, put that costume on and walk like a boss. Own your body and your attitude and everything that comes with it. Know that you are that healthy person and take that with you throughout the day.
Make decisions as that healthy person.
During the day we make hundreds, even thousands of decisions. When you come to a valid choice point, ask yourself “Which one of these would a healthy person choose?” The answer is usually clear, if it’s not then it might not be relative at all.
Use discretion and not judgment.
If you choose the cake over the oatmeal for breakfast, say it out loud: “I am choosing to have cake for breakfast instead of oatmeal.”
You have the opportunity to be honest with yourself without shaming your choice. This is a concept that I did not grow up understanding, and it is one that brought a huge shift in my perspective. But clearly, sometimes cake for breakfast is a must.
Be patient with yourself.
If you have any trials with anxiety or insecurities, this work may be almost as exhausting as the first day back to the gym. Keep going. You got this.
Final Thoughts
Try this method for a few weeks. Notice the ease that comes with smiling at you. Notice how other people respond to you.
When negative thoughts pop in, let them. They are just thoughts; notice them and let them go.
Author Bio
Tiffany Cleveland is a light and encouragement to all who know her. She dabbles in all the things she loves: volunteering at the Food Bank, writing, mountain biking, and Youtubing. She describes herself as “just a girl who understands that unconditional love is a slow dance of choice and a practice of repetitive choice”.
Tiffany grew up in a small town in eastern PA and blossomed into her “ever-changing self” in North Carolina, Italy, Japan, and the desert that speaks to her soul: Tucson, Arizona.
When she is not busy serving as a Master Sergeant in the Air Force, Tiffany embraces experiences that take her out of her comfort zone, deep conversations over decaf espresso, and sitting in stillness to hear the inaudible nudges from above. She has a passion for learning, and she loves brave, incredibly compassionate people doing wildly good things in this world.
If you hear him in church, you may know him for the sharp tenor registers of his voice. Most people know him from the work he has done with at-risk youth, coaching football, or teaching music. Teaching now for over 20 years, Rico Dawson leverages his connection with kids to make a difference in teaching them both music and life.
Kids today are different. They feel entitled to success but don’t want to work for it. They don’t have the work ethic that they should. I tell my students there is a beginning and there is a manifestation at the end, but there is also an in-between wilderness and you have to go through that to get to the end. A lot of kids want to be great, but they don’t want to invest time in themselves to be great. A lot of kids don’t reach their full potential if they don’t have anybody pushing them.
I tell students the things they need to hear as it relates to what is ahead of them. I am intentional about spending time tying in life skills, teamwork, and emotions in what I talk about. In music, their emotions bleed into the music. They don’t know how to seperate that. Professionals learn how to seperate it out, but children can’t do that. When they sing or play, their heart bleeds onto their sleeve.
I tell my students this is business not personal because I am always thinking ahead to how they will be able to perform in the future. I push them hard because they won’t be able to “get in their feelings” in what’s to come as they work a job and perform at a level to meet that industry’s demand.
There is a human element to teaching. If you don’t have a relationship of trust with them and show that you care about their lives, they are going to turn you out.
Rico Dawson
Rico teaching a music class
An Artist In His Own Right
Very few people know Rico Dawson is actually a recording artist in his own right. He was recently ranked #1 Inspirational Gospel music artist in Goldsboro, NC on Reverb Nation and #45 in the region of Fayetteville, Raleigh, and Durham, NC. Mr. Dawson’s music has a global audience with a lot of interest in Europe and France. His music has an R&B feel with God-inspired lyrics.
Mr. Dawson completed a Bachelor’s degree from Elizabeth City State University in Music Industry Studies with a concentration in Business Administration. From there, he interned with a small independent record company in Virginia Beach, VA. As an intern, Mr. Dawson had the opportunity to see how musical talent is acquired and participate in talent scouting, acquisitions, and talent retainment.
Because of my background and training (in music studies), you can know in the first 15 seconds if a song is worth listening to. I would listen to the demos sent to us, write down the songwriter and song, listen to them, pass them on to the president, and contact the artists that he decided to hire for either contract work or negotiations for exclusive agreements.
Rico Dawson
#1 Advice to Young Artists Aspiring To Get A Recording Deal: Work On Your Craft
Many reality shows have chronicled what the gauntlet looks like. Though it is glamorized for entertainment value and details are added for us to have the buy-in in the audience, the real music circuit runs in very similar ways. In music, artists submit their work to a showcase of some sort with significant competition. 500 acts may be present in the beginning for what will widdle down to 3 actual recording deals. It starts with presenting your work to a panel of judges who look for what makes you stand out as new, interesting, and different from everything else they are hearing on the market. If you pass the first panel, you go on to the second with more scrutinizing tastes. It continues in this fashion till the end of the so-dubbed “gauntlet”.
The struggle for young artists is to work on their craft and get in front of the label heads at the time when they are looking for new talent.
Rico Dawson
Advantages of Modern Technology for Musicians Today
Artists today have more direct control over their material and what happens to it than they ever had in the past. With the help of social media and YouTube, individuals are able to connect directly with their audience long before a recording company gets involved in promoting them.
During Covid, a lot of artists were doing performances virtually and were able to monetize those performances through Eventbrite tickets. That helped a lot of artists stay afloat. Virtual is another space to reach the audience now.
Rico Dawson
A service that provides great industry reach and business management now is called Reverb Nation. Reverb Nation provides artists with the ability to distribute and track their music, collaborate with other artists, and submit press kits to active venue listings. It allows fans to contact the artist, and it gives real-time feedback demographics on who is listening to the music. Music is distributed easily through Spotify and other streaming music platforms. Reverb Nation has been a great tool for Mr. Dawson. Interested fans and venue opportunities have been able to reach out to him through the site from as far as England.
Reverb Nation lets the people decide what is important. I let the people decide.
Rico Dawson
#2 Advice to Young Artists Aspiring To Get A Recording Deal: Think About The Bigger Picture, Know Your Rights, and Protect Yourself From Bad Deals
When you are controlling your own content, you have to have a vision for where you want to end up. Do you want to play venues live? You probably need a set list of songs ready to perform and full albums and merch you can sell at the event.
Knowing what you want in the big picture is going to help you know how to navigate the smaller decisions. Don’t be misled by what you see. Some of the artists that look so successful are actually living on credit trying to work hard and pay back the studio for all they paid on them. Contracts with record companies can often keep artists in bondage paying back their debts for studio time, production, video, etc.
It’s industry standard to split 50/50, but some contract opportunities ask for more than that. When you sign with somebody, they control the narrative and sometimes your masters. You don’t want to lose your masters because that is where your big money comes from (in licensure).
Rico Dawson
At the time of this interview, Rico Dawson was working on his second album that will feature a fresh inspiration and word from the Lord. For more information including links to Rico’s music and videos, check out his site on Reverb Nation.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
If you have been a long-term reader of this blog, you may remember a 2019 post about the dream of my son. In that post, I shared the very real hope of motherhood though I was neither a wife nor a mother.
I wish I could tell you that in two years everything changed…that I found my husband and we did, indeed, have that son. But that hasn’t happened for me yet.
In my thirties, I felt all the ticks of my biological clock. I was the only aunt of my two-now-three neices and nephew. I thought of all my happy childhood memories with cousins and felt the burden to provide them. I didn’t have the resources to adopt; all I could give them were fur cousins. I resolved to be the best Auntie I could be as I waited–somewhat grumpily–to be a mother.
The weight of that motherhood burden was so heavy that I used to periodically check in with my neices and ask how they felt about not having cousins. At first, it bothered them. Over time, they became thankful and didn’t care; they were happy to have Auntie Becca all to themselves. I played with them. I listened to them. I encouraged their dreams. When they grew older, they protected that investment and wouldn’t let anyone call themselves an “aunt” in their lives but me.
There have been moments when I have felt nothing but bitterness and rage over my lost dreams. How could God give me such a vivid dream if it is never to come to pass? Was it even God at all? Does He even exist/care/see me?
I have been through more than my fair share of negative spirals over this. Nothing hurts quite like having a dream deferred. Then God broke through with a different perspective:
Stop seeing what you lack, and start seeing what you have.
Be loving to those I bring you who are unloved.
Be motherly to those who don’t have a good experience with their mother.
Be a good steward to what I have given you, and I will give you infinitely more.
God
Within me there is a tidal wave of love for my husband and children, but I hold back the tide for when they arrive. I have learned to hold the dream of them loosely in my heart, and I don’t live my days with my head on swivel trying to find them.
I let God into my everyday life.
Now I live choosing daily to focus on Him and what I do have not what I don’t. Sometimes that takes playing the same worship song over and over till I get the anthem that God loves me and that really is enough. Other days, it is joyous adventure led by His Hand. Either way, it is a better life than the life before focused on tragedy and lack.
Patience is not a virtue I wear well; I have to fight for it.
I have to fight to have it at all, really. Time itself is a reminder of patience. Having just 24 hours in a day when you need 28 makes you realize not everything happens as quickly as you may want it to. I can struggle and work hard and give myself barely a minute to eat of sleep while I try to get everything done, or I can accept my limitations, do my best, and trust God with the rest. Life always turns out better with option 2.
God’s waiting room is not a punishment; it is how He works. It took 15 years for David to go from the anointing to becoming King. It took 25 years for Abraham to go from the promise of fathering nations to hearing that first cry of Issac.
God guides us one step at a time expecting us to do the best we can, and what happens next hinges on the faithfulness to the step–the opportunity–he has for us right now.
Pastor Andrew Price, The Bridge Church, Mount Olive, NC
There are things I have to do right now to be a good steward of all my resources and a prepared home for the blessings I believe God has in my future. I take that responsibility seriously. I guard my investments of time, money, and talent diligently. Sometimes that means I have to say “no”–even to people counting on me to say “yes”.
Trusting God is not passive.
I’ve come to believe that my life is no longer about achieving a certain goal in my personal life or career. I think, more than anything, it is about living life with Christ, being a good steward of all He gives me, and finding joy in the journey.
I don’t want to just store up treasures for some future glory; I want to find treasure in my everyday life and enjoy it too.
The treasure looks like many different things:
It is that friend that has been encouraging me for years.
It is the money slipped into my hand at Christmas to protect my pride and honor my commitments.
It is the play put on with excellence at my local theater that filled my heart with pride and artistic comfort.
It is the moment spent enjoying a good meal with loved ones.
It is sitting unplugged from electronics and crocheting or knitting something new to wear.
It is meeting new people and hearing their stories.
It is watching the birds come to my window and eat the treats left for them.
All these moments and thousands more are what I look for and treasure. They are reminders of a loving God and assurance that I am headed in the right direction. God has so much more in store than I can plan for today.
Quote and graphic from Holly Furtick, Elevation Church
I keep hope alive and don’t listen to naysayers.
There are a lot of reasons why a woman of my age should give up on the dream of motherhood. In terms of childbirth, I became geriatric twenty years ago and having a child is a health risk.
Yet, I dream on. If it is truly God’s will for me, He will open doors no man can shut, and I will have a baby in my arms to laugh and rejoice with. If it is not God’s will, I have nothing to lose from living a life of love and service now.
Hope is not gone, friends. As long as you are breathing, there is still room for your circumstances to change. Focus on what you have and what you can contribute to, and let God take care of the rest. Life is too short for anything less.
So how do you hold a dream?
You hold it loosely and trust the Author to fulfill it or rewrite it as necessary along your life’s journey.
Identity Theft…Fake IDs…Cyber Bullying…Catfishing…Cyber Terrorism…these are all ugly things to talk about and definitely not what you want to start a year on, but if you have ever been a victim of it, you know the truth: it can stop life as you know it from then forward. Some victims are so embarrassed by what they let themselves believe that they never get past that dark moment. Unfortunately, I know at least one reader who killed herself after what happened to her. That is why I hope you take very seriously what I am about to tell you and alter your life online going forward.
Cyberbullying and catfishing are a very real and rising crime. In 2019, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) estimated that nearly 20,000 people were victims of some form of online romance or confidence scam. In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) reported $304 million in losses to such scams. Statistics on such crimes are astounding and confirm victims and criminals are not who you think they are; this is a problem effecting all age and genders especially men.
Catfishing is deliberately creating a fake character and story to interact with others online, and cyberbullying is abusive behavior done online with or without a fake character to protect the abuser. Cyber terrorism is using the internet to perform acts of terror on others. In my experience, being the victim of catfishing feels like experiencing all three of those things.
How To Protect Yourself Online
Protect Your Images Online
Insist on Video Chatting with Strangers Before You Trust Them
Create Alternate Phone/Email Information To Use Online
Never Send Money or Gift Cards to a Person or Organization You Haven’t Met in Person
Report and Block Abusers When They Are Discovered
Protect Your Images Online
When I was catfished by a man claiming to be in the military, I was really angry at the real man in the photos for not protecting himself more. The truth is that I can just as easily take a screenshot of my friends’ social media accounts today and recreate a persona of them online that isn’t them in five minutes. If you choose to be online, you need to understand that EVERYTHING you put online is there forever no matter if you delete it, so choose wisely what you share–and don’t overshare. The whole world is not your friend, nor is it the place to share every detail of your life. Share the important stuff privately in protected groups or emails not on your newsfeed. Change the status to “friend” or “friend of friend” on most of your posts. If your social media platform offers it, remove the ability for your images to be downloaded. You can’t stop someone screenshotting what you share, but you can stop them from downloading the pictures of your kids and using them as their own.
Insist on Video Chatting with Strangers Before You Trust Them
This is a real big one and it stops the fakers EVERY time–so do this early in your conversations and before you invest your heart or time more than a few days. You can’t make a static image talk, walk, and breathe; video will force the real person to be revealed. Either they shuffle and come up with excuses for why they can’t connect, or they give you a hard time for making rules for them to jump through, or they show up but the person you see doesn’t match the person you have been talking to in text and still images. One catfisher went so far as to string a series of still images together and talk to me like a voice over on a “bad connection”. The most recent attempt asked to call me on WhatsApp. When he did, his voice was clearly not who he claimed to be. He turned out to be “a black boy” most likely from Nigeria instead of the German/Scottish white man in my pictures.
Side Note: It pays to be a student of language, accents, and cultures. Don’t be naïve and take people at their word; know what their claimed culture should look and sound like. If you can’t get them to video chat but you can get them to call, knowing the difference in sounds is enough to often confirm or deny their identity.
Create Alternate Phone/Email Information To Use Online
You live with real people and places you love and protect, so don’t give away your real personal information online. I have a separate Gmail account just for social media and interacting with strangers. On that account, I also have a Google Voice phone number and attached it to WhatsApp and Signal. If someone needs to call, text, or video chat, they have to go through those channels first if I don’t know them AND I am honest about it. I tell people up front that I have to be guarded and don’t share personal information until I know you better. That should be a deterrent, but it is a worm on a hook to predators. They don’t mind the chase if they think their is a prize at the end of it.
Never Send Money or Gift Cards to a Person or Organization You Haven’t Met in Person
Not everyone is going to ask you for money, but a lot of them are in it for the long haul to get you to offer it. There are a lot of different reasons why people catfish, and it isn’t all just money either. Some do it for emotional reasons. Others do it just to mess with you. The last guy that did it to me said he “wanted to try it” and “needed help” with financial costs. Unfortunately, some parts of the world treat catfishing like a job and operate in teams to get as many people on the hook at the same time as possible.
Report and Block Abusers When They Are Discovered
Don’t feel sorry for them when you catch them in their lies; they are counting on that! A novice liar is easy to spot. They are over anxious, have broken English, and there are all sorts of holes in their stories. An experienced catfisher is well polished and in it for the long haul. He/she creates a believable lie with enough images and encouraging words in proper English to make you think they are legit. They even get the time zone differences right! They are perpetual students of you. They watch your social media, know what makes you tick, and see your bleeding heart to rescue people from the error of their ways. They are counting on you caring enough to give them what they want even after they are discovered–enough people have done it already to make them think you will too.
DON’T CONTINUE TALKING! Screenshot your conversation and images for proof. Then block and archive them. Report them to your social media or whatever platform they met you on. I had so many catfishers to report to one dating website that they ended up telling me I was “too picky” and needed to “lower my standards”. Most social media platforms take your reports into consideration and act on it following an investigation. At Daily Testify, reports are taken seriously and abusers are shut down quickly with less hesitation than every other site on the market.
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
How To Heal From An Attack
Allow Yourself Time to Cry
Educate Yourself to be Better Prepared Next Time
Let Trusted Friends Know and Reach Out For Their Support
Seek Professional Counseling for any Deeper Issues
Get Back on the Proverbial Horse
Allow Yourself Time to Cry
It is not easy being human. Sometimes the cost is so high we just want to ball up and choose to hate the world or leave it. Neither option is a good one. No matter how many times I have been through it, it still hurts to be catfished. Though I didn’t let myself trust or give anything really personal away to the last two scammers, I did have the hope they were real and that hope deferred made my heart sick. It’s okay to cry. Let yourself express those emotions. I’ve gone on walks through the rain-soaked countryside talking to God and crying till I found peace again. He met me there, and he can meet you too. Allow yourself the room to feel, but don’t let the bad experiences close the gift of your loving heart.
Educate Yourself to be Better Prepared Next Time
We don’t live in a sinless world where you can take strangers at their word and trust them. The people you trust and invest in should be people who earned your trust over time. Learn more about the ways of the world and online community through organizations like The CyberSmile Foundation that help teach you safe ways to interact online. Read reputable articles like the ones linked in this story and on our blog. Begin to see yourself as less of a victim and more of a warrior loading up for battle. Knowledge is an arsenal that never fades or requires a concealed carry permit.
Let Trusted Friends Know and Reach Out For Their Support
Most victims have people in their lives that love them, yet they feel isolated. Whether they physically live alone or they are in a house with other people, some need in their heart was being missed and that need was the hope the abuser claimed to fill. As public as I am online, none of my abusers read my blog or claimed to know anything from it. Unless they are stalkers, abusers don’t put much effort into chasing you past your social media, yet–in that moment–you think they are the only person in the world that really cared about you. That is the opposite of the truth. You don’t need to tell the whole world like I am literally doing here, but you need to tell someone what happened to you. You can’t navigate the dark thoughts alone. Share your experience with someone you trust and lean on them for emotional support.
Seek Professional Counseling for any Deeper Issues
Depending on how deeply connected you were to your abuser, you may need to talk to a professional. This may also apply if you knew the abuser a few days but have deeper baggage to work through. Sometimes being vulnerable emotionally reveals places in our hearts and experiences that we haven’t dealt with and didn’t know how to. There is no shame in seeking help to work through it. In fact, that is the brave thing to do. It is the ones who needed it but didn’t pursue it that end up caving to the dark thoughts and ending their life.
Get Back on the Proverbial Horse
No matter how many times you have been the target victim, it is not an excuse to hide forever from social media. Maybe you need to learn better practices and change what you do online, but you don’t have to leave it completely to be safe.
I don’t look to social media for my real world connections. The people I trust the most are not people I met online, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have meaningful relationships with people online. I met a couple online last year that are sitting in a country on the other side of the world right now reading this. We haven’t met in person, yet I consider them friends.
I get messages almost daily from strangers on my social media platforms, and almost all of them are men. Instead of feeling flattered by the attention and remaining vulnerable to every possible risk, I have to be wise enough to realize they could be scammers. I treat social media as a marketing space and share what I do there, so I will friend strangers on social media, but I follow my own advice to stay safe. If someone turns out to be a predator, I report them.
Maybe someday the bad ones will hurt less. What I share next is to show you just how real this can be. The screenshots below were captured over roughly three days of communication with a catfisher that contacted me through Daily Testify. Read on to see how I caught him in his lies and ended it.
Handsome, poised, physically fit professionals really DO exist that are looking for a good person to partner with in life. They just don’t usually use social media to do it, nor do they need to. Flatters you with words and flowers, claims a well paying job with lots of experience but can’t explain it, backs it up with images likely sourced online, and starts contradicting himself in the detailsExamples from the conversations of three days that showed he was not who he claimed to be, the truth he confessed, and how I responded
Following this conversation on a private email channel, I screenshot everything, archived the message, and blocked the person. I then went to Daily Testify and reported him, stored the images elsewhere, and deleted them from my phone. Seeing the images later can cause setbacks in healing.
If you have been a victim of a scam, waste no time in reporting it and moving on. Don’t let them steal your joy or make you think you are the problem. Seek God! Let Him fill the places that you lack, and give Him the responsibility to play matchmaker with your heart.
In 1946, Frank Capra told a story about how the life of one ordinary man in one typical small town made a difference that impacted the world. This story went on to become an icon of the holiday season and a movie many of us watch every year, but this year became the year I lived it.
For eight and a half years, I taught proudly at Wayne Community College. It was a job I had prayed for and thanked God for daily. Then Covid-19 happened, and we all shifted to working remotely. I worked primarily from home but went into my office occasionally. When I did, everything had changed. Fellowship was truncated. Everyone kept masked in their separate offices and rarely socialized anymore. Covid-19 stole the heart of our connection to each other. That impacted me more than I realized.
I thought the grass was greener in other departments, but I had no opportunity to move there. Then I thought the grass was greener outside the pasture, and I left Wayne Community College.
It was a golden opportunity that promised to pay me double what I made teaching and let me stay home all day building curriculum. Within three months, I was putting down money on land and finally building my house. Before the land was fully in my name and the contractor was hired, I was fired.
Closed Doors = Opportunities
I didn’t see it coming, and I was in shock. Then I got angry. God and I had a few choice words as I walked my property and realized I couldn’t move forward with the dream and everything I had longed for was on hold once more.
I felt so foolish. If I had known it would end like this, I would have never left Wayne Community College. Sitting in a field full of weeds looking like I’d lost my mind, I cried out to God for answers.
God didn’t answer me in that moment or even the next ten, but He did answer. First of all, He showed me that the cost of building during Covid was so high that I would have been upended if I started the house build when I wanted to. It was better to let the ground rest for now.
Secondly, He showed me that He had to let me go through all that to pull me out of my comfort zone and into my calling as a writer. As a teacher, I didn’t make time for writing. I thought I would just wait till I retired. God said, “nope, I need you now.”
The Difference One Life Can Make
What proceeded to happen was a series of open doors that only could have happened by God’s hand. I walked into small businesses, corporate offices, and local government and found favor to tell stories about all sorts of people and places. The blog grew to an international readership in over 30 countries with over 10,000 views. That gave me a platform to talk about social issues and advocate for change on a national and global level. All of a sudden, this little ordinary girl in a little ordinary town was making a big world difference.
Doing the right thing doesn’t always pay you back monetarily. In fact, this year closes out on the lowest bottom-line in my bank. But what God and I have built together this year on faith is something I couldn’t have imagined with thousands of dollars and plenty of job security.
What God Saw That I Couldn’t
In the Fall, parents across the country were enraged with Covid-19 restrictions hurting learning for their kids, LGBTQ agendas forced into education, and Critical Race Theory being taught in school. Even at the college level now, curricula are being rewritten to divide people over issues of race and sexuality. As I watched the news unfold, God spoke to me:
If you had stayed in that curriculum creation job, you would have been forced to write something you didn’t agree with. I took you out before that could happen.
God
I was contacted by a K-12 school in Minnesota. The administrator and I had met in a small group online, and she had been reading my work at The Bohemian Princess Journal. She called and asked me to write her school’s entire curriculum.
With 75 committed families on the line, it just got serious. God started putting people in my path to partner with me in the vision. All of a sudden, I knew what to do and who to pull in to help make the best curricula possible for them. The biggest project of 2022 will be creating this curriculum.
Simultaneously over the summer and fall, I was busy networking with small businesses, local government, and non-profit organizations. God opened doors for me to walk into places I never thought I would go, and He gave me favor with important people when I went there. Out of those meetings came paying writing gigs and networking connections that would build into 2022 and beyond. From those opportunities came bigger opportunities to help my town and community in tangible ways including partnerships with Wayne Community College to bring classes into the community. That’s when God revealed another truth.
Your time at Wayne Community College in the specific department you were in was strategic. I needed you to have those relationships to form the alliances we need now in ministry to the community. Your faithfulness there created a bridge here now that will help people in crisis as well as your friends back at the college, and that couldn’t have happened without removing you from your comfort zone and putting you in this place of complete dependency on me.
God
What’s Next…
This year didn’t start out to be anything I thought it would be and, like George Bailey, I had some dark moments where I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. But God saw me and all the talents I was hiding and called me out of hiding forevermore. Rebecca J. Whitman Writing Services and The Bohemian Princess Journal are here to stay. I can truly say, now, that it is a wonderful life in Mount Olive.
I am not sure about God’s timing, but this year has taught me to discern God’s voice and follow it no matter what it tells me to do because there is always a reason for it. God has sent me on some crazy adventures this year and shown His hand in more ways than I can count. Here are some of the adventures slated for 2022:
Build a non-denominational Christian curricula for K-12 instruction that is also applicable to Adult Education
Launch The Bohemian Princess Journal into weekly podcasts on Mondays.
Streamline the content and change the look of the website; make blog posts follow a theme and post once a week on Fridays.
Work with non-profits, churches, and small businesses to write promotional materials and branch into social media marketing.
Please pray for the success of these adventures and consider donating to keep the work going.
May you be blessed and may God shake your own foundations and send you on new adventures in 2022.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed…
It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself.
All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Pastor DJ Coles and his wife, Ruth, have been givers and servers in ministry for as long as I can remember. Chaplain, youth pastor, recording artist, public speaker, mentor, father, husband, and a friend are just a few of the hats that Pastor DJ has worn. In 2013, Ruth began to pray that they would find something that used all their gifts. God answered that prayer audibly on June 4, 2013, at 4:00 in the morning:
I’ll do more in four days than normally happens in four years by My hand.
Message from God to Pastor DJ Coles
The Roadmap of Matthew 25
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison, and you came to visit me…Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.
Matthew 25:35-36, 40 NIV
God got really specific with what He wanted The 4 Day Movement to look like. He set up a structure for service that would strategically position The 4 Day Movement to serve the underserved populations in Wayne and surrounding counties in North Carolina. It would be a structure based on Matthew 25 that spread the good news of hope and Jesus Christ to the North, East, West, and South. It would be a ministry that sought neither glory nor fame; a ministry that served in the shadows with many people not even knowing their name.
In the early years of The 4 Day Movement, it was just Pastor DJ and his wife, Ruth. Before they had the means to do much, the Coles were “hope dealers” by themselves. They connected people in need with resources to the best of their ability. Over time, God added volunteers to the team as well as funding to expand their efforts.
Focused on sheltering and feeding, The 4 Day Movement strives to see that no child goes hungry, no house sees a deficit in food, and short-term housing options are available for the homeless, displaced, and/or single-parent families in Wayne County and surrounding areas in North Carolina.
Pastor DJ Coles
Today, The 4 Day Movement is moving towards the creation of its own affordable housing community with wrap-around services to assist and empower their clients within a structured environment. These efforts fall into four categories called the pillars of 4 Day.
The 4 Pillars of 4 Day
We were told to spread the Good News to the North, East, West, and the South. Wherever we get an “assignment”, we step in, plant a seed of hope, and God does the rest. He brings prosperity and provision to the people we serve, 4 Day itself, and all those who volunteer with 4 Day.
Pastor DJ Coles recalling the 2013 vision from the Lord
Assisting in Crisis and Emergency (Project A.C.E.)
The biggest pillar of need seen on a daily basis is the one where people are in a crisis and need help. This is the area that helps single-parent families and individuals find temporary shelter and food when their resources are limited or unsafe.
The phones ring off the hook for this need, but The 4 Day Movement uses discernment and a team assessment approach to determine which cases fit the scope of its mission. Requests for assistance must go through an intake process to screen out those aiming to misuse resources versus those with a legitimate need.
Serving and Assisting Veterans and Elderly (Project S.A.V.E.)
This pillar involves reinvesting value in the aged community as well as those who have served our country. This is the area that helped a veteran evicted from his three-bedroom home after missing just one payment. It is also the pillar that gives Food with Favor Boxes to the vulnerable elderly populations within the community. When we are all safely on the other side of Covid-19, one of the operations in this area is to go into the homes of the elderly and build relationships between the young and the old.
Education and employability are key components of everything that The 4 Day Movement does to help people get back on their feet and become successful members of society. This is the area that helped pay an adult’s college tuition and books as well as sent six students on a school trip to a ballet.
Education is an important value to The 4 Day Movement and will be a requirement going into 2022. However, it can be a source of pain to the clients because many of them have repressed dreams that require education. The clients have lived in survival mode for so long that they have forgotten how to dream. With the help of The 4 Day Movement, the client pictured here went from being homeless living on the streets to graduating with his G.E.D., becoming gainfully employed, and having an apartment of his own.
Caring and Loving Every Adolescent and Teen in Sports (Project C.L.E.A.T.S.)
This pillar involves adopting a team or individual and paying for their gear to play in sports. This is the area that saw a child in tattered clothing show up to tryouts, got him new clothes and gear, and saw him become that team’s starting pitcher. It is also the area that took on feeding 12-15 players on a bus trip where no one had the money to buy food following a game.
4 Day Heroes: Volunteer and Paid Staff
Some 4 Day Heroes are here for a reason, some are here for a season, and some are here for a lifetime. We thank God for all of them.
Pastor DJ Coles
2021 4 Day Hero Team
It is no secret that The 4 Day Movement couldn’t be where it is today (or where it is headed) without volunteers. While some of those volunteers have moved into paid staff positions over time, most started as unpaid volunteers and were happy to do so.
Volunteers and businesses that partner with The 4 Day Movement to accomplish the vision are known as 4 Day Heroes. A great example of this relationship is the partnership between The 4 Day Movement and Cornerstone Church. Pastor Ryan Rasmussen and the church have welcomed 4 Day to house its food pantry as well as staging for events and many of its meetings at the church. They are a truly giving congregation with a heart for the military and for the needy.
From providing 1100 Thanksgiving hot meals to the second and third shift active-duty airmen at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base to providing weekly Food With Favor Boxes into the community, The 4 Day Movement can’t do what it does without the help of business partners, prayer warriors, financial investors, and volunteers.
The Heroes of 4 Day are a tribe of their own. They come to serve because they want to give back to people who are struggling in areas they have personal experience with as well. The sacrifice of their time and resources is an investment, not a burden. They find joy in the fellowship they have with each other and in the service they are able to provide to the 4 Day clients. Most of the Heroes serve because it is something God led them to do, and, when they obey that direction, God has provided for their personal needs as well–even supernaturally.
The Burden and the Need
Leading a non-profit is a navigation of faith, funds, and communication. You have to be a good communicator because you are asking people to come in for a portion of what they could make in the for-profit sector. I believe what we are doing is more rewarding; you can have hundreds and thousands of dollars and still feel empty at the end of the day. Dollar amount aside, at 4 Day we feel very full like we have done something that meant something. You can’t put a dollar amount on that.
Pastor DJ Coles
Moving into 2022, The 4 Day Movement has several initiates in play to expand its role and influence in the community beyond Goldsboro, NC. It is also actively working to remove barriers to education for its clients.
In 2022, they are set to partner with a non-profit tutoring organization to provide K-12 tutoring to all the clients that need it.
It also will begin a partnership with Wayne Community College to bring classes to its clients and provide pathways into the college for further education.
We Need You!
Please consider helping The 4 Day Movement in one of the following ways:
Contribute financially to The 4 Day Movement online by PayPal or send a financial gift to: Attn: 4 Day Movement, Inc., 2822 Cashwell Dr., Box #146, Goldsboro, NC 27534
Volunteer with 4 Day by mentioning this article and requesting an application via email to: 4daymovement@gmail.com
Pray for 4 Day. We know prayer softens hearts and opens doors, and many areas where The 4 Day Movement will stretch will require God’s providence and movement on their behalf.
December 19, 2021, I had the privilege of hearing this sermon in person at the beautiful 175 year old Fifth Avenue United Methodist Church in Wilmington, NC.
This sermon is shared here with permission by the author: Pastor Bill Adams
Consider This…
Dr. Oswald Golter was a missionary to China more than 60 years ago. After World War II he was asked to leave that country. So his missionary society wired him a ticket and Dr. Golter made his way to India to catch a ship home to America. While he was there he noticed that there were many Jews living in the area–in attics and sheds and barns. They were there because India was one of the few countries in the world that welcomed the Jews following the War. And Dr. Golter was excited to see them and went around and greeted them.
It was Christmastime and he said to them “Merry Christmas to you!” And they said “We’re Jews.” “Well, I know,” said Dr. Golter, “but Merry Christmas anyway.” “I tell you,” they responded, “we’re Jews. We don’t celebrate Christmas.” “I know” he said, “but if you did, what would you want for Christmas?” “Well if we did,” they replied, “then we probably would want some fine German pastries.” So Dr. Golter cashed in his ticket home and found a shop that sold fine German pastries. Then he bought up boxes and boxes of pastry. He took it back to the barns and attics and sheds and handed it out to the Jews saying, “Merry Christmas to you. Merry Christmas.”
Years later that story was told when Dr. Golter was being introduced to speak at a seminary gathering. As he got up to the microphone a young seminarian stood up and said to Dr. Golter, “I can’t believe you did that. Those people aren’t Christians. They don’t even believe in Jesus Christ!” Dr. Golter nodded his head and said, “I know.” Then he added, “But I do.” (modified from a note by Rev. King Duncan)
There’s a lesson in this for us as we go about our daily lives in an unbelieving world. We are not to live as the rest of the world does – we’re to live as we are led by Christ, even when it seems like something that most people wouldn’t do.
We’re different! We’re children of God and we’re supposed to be different!
Consider This…
Nicholas was born of wealthy parents in 280 AD in a small town called Patara in Asia Minor. He lost his parents early by an epidemic but not before they had instilled in him the gift of faith. Then little Nicholas went to Myra and lived there a life full of sacrifice and love and the spirit of Jesus. Nicholas became so Christlike that when the town needed a bishop he was elected. He was imprisoned for his faith by Emperor Diocletian and released later by Emperor Constantine.
There have been many stories of his generosity and compassion: how he begged for food for the poor, and how he would give girls money so that they would have a dowry to get a husband. The story most often repeated was about how he would put on a disguise and go out and give gifts to poor children. He gave away everything he had. And in the year 314, he died. His body was later moved to Italy where his remains are to this day. But the story of Nicholas has spread around the world. There are more churches in the world named after St. Nicholas than any other person in all the history of the church.
People have done strange things to his memory. The poet, Clement Moore, gave him a red nose and eight tiny reindeer. Thomas Nast, the illustrator, made him big and fat and gave him a red suit trimmed by fur. Others have given him names like Belsnickle, Kris Kringle, and Santa Claus. But what’s important about him is that he had the mind of Christ. Because of his gentle selfless love, he touched the whole world. And this same mind of Christ can be in us. (modified from a note by Rev. James S. Hewett)
As I pondered St. Nicholas’ life, it occurred to me that we really don’t follow in his footsteps. By the world’s standards, we are wealthy. And the people we give gifts to are wealthy. This was not the ministry of Nicholas –he ministered to those who were poor and needy. We each need to consider what we can do to make our gift giving more like that of St. Nicholas.
Sermon: Using Our Gifts
If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once. My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:32-35
We’ve all been thinking a lot about gifts lately, especially what gifts we’d like to get for the people we love. Some of us may have been thinking about the gifts we’ll be getting. We love gifts. Some of us dream about getting a great gift in life – that’s why so many people play the lottery. They want to invest little and get a lot. They think, wouldn’t it be great if I won a million dollars? What a gift that would be! Well, maybe it would be great, but maybe not. Not everyone has the same idea of great. One person’s wish may be another’s person’s nightmare. Take, for example, the story of three men who were sailing together in the Pacific Ocean. Their vessel was wrecked and they found themselves on an island. They had plenty of food, but their existence was in every way different from what their lives had been in the past.The men were walking by the seashore one day after they had been there for some months and they found an old lantern. One man picked it up, and as he rubbed it to clean it off, a genie popped out. The genie said, “Well, since you have been good enough to release me, I will give each of you one wish.” The first man said, “Oh, that’s perfectly marvelous. I’m a cattleman from Wyoming and I wish I were back on my ranch.” Poof! He was back on his ranch. The second man said, “Well, I’m a stockbroker from New York, and I wish that I were back in Manhattan.” Poof! He was back in Manhattan with his papers, his telephones, his clients and his computers. The third fellow was somewhat more relaxed about life and actually enjoyed life there on the island. He said, “Well, I am quite happy here. I just wish my two friends were back.” Poof! Poof! And so they were. Everybody’s idea of a good thing isn’t the same! But wouldn’t we all like to have a little more money? Don’t many Americans sit around thinking, “Wouldn’t it be great …if I won the lottery…if I had my dream house…if I was famous….?” We know its true. That’s why lotteries make so much money for the state. But as Christians…as the people of God…what if instead of wishing for money or fame or success or more “things,” we would just wish with all our hearts and souls and minds and strength that we could love the Lord and our neighbor as ourselves? A wish like that could change the world.
This morning I’m going to talk about the gift of love – it’s a gift that God gives to us and the gift we offer back to Him.
Jesus was a gift of love to mankind. God didn’t have to send Jesus. He could have just let us go on killing and mistreating each other. He could have just let mankind remain ignorant of his love for people.
But, because of God’s love, Jesus came to earth and he literally loved us until his death. On the last night he was on earth, he washed the disciple’s feet, shared a meal with them and then taught them. And one of his last teachings that night was about God’s love. It is our scripture for this morning from John 13:32-35.
You know, out of his love for us, God gives each one of us talents and gifts. The other day amid all of the Christmas music on the radio I heard Handel’s “Messiah.” What a gift that music is for all time. Handel was a gifted man. He learned to play the harpsichord by age 7 and was composing music by age nine. His father opposed his gift of music – he wanted young George to become a lawyer. But when the dad went off to work, George’s mother made him practice. George was obedient to his father, and he entered law school. But after his father died, he abandoned law. He kept true to his gift and became an organist at the Protestant Cathedral. There his talent quickly began to blossom. God definitely gave Handel a gift and thank heavens he chose to use it! Today, we still recognize Handel’s gifts and are blessed by his efforts.We also need to remember and recognize that God’s gift of talent to Handel was a gift of love to us. Just imaging how much poorer we’d be if he’d stuck with law.
Each person here this morning also has God-given gifts. They may not be a great as Handel’s but you have them. God makes each one of us unique. But so often we fail to recognize our gifts. We have to discover them. And once we do, we have to use them.
History shows us that people who have achieved greatness using their gifts had to persevere. Your gifts may not even be recognized until you’re gone. How many starving artists never achieved fame in their life times but are now considered to be great?
Robert Frost, one of the greatest poets, wrote poetry for twenty years without fame or success. He was 39 years old before he sold a single volume of poetry. Today his poems have been published in over twenty languages and he won the Pulitzer Prize for poetry four times.
When Enrico Caruso, the great Italian tenor, took his first voice lesson, the instructor thought he was hopeless. He said his voice sounded like wind whistling through a window. Today, he is recognized as perhaps the greatest tenor who ever lived.
So, if the world has failed to recognize your talents, you’re in good company. When God gives us a gift, He doesn’t want us to just sit and admire it, he wants us to use it.
One of the ways we can be happy in life is to keep using the gifts God has given us. If you have been gifted in music or math, you’ll probably never be happy driving a cab. If you have great hand-to-eye coordination and athletic skills, you probably won’t be satisfied with a desk job. In so many ways, our happiness depends on us using our gifts.
But what if we don’t use our gifts? Not only will we risk our happiness, the Kingdom of God will lose out on what we could have done. It will miss out on all the love and beauty we could have shared.
As Christians, it’s our job to love and to help other people. God loves us not because we are lovable, but because He is love. Nowhere in scripture does Jesus give us a pass on loving other people – any kind of people.
Even though Judas was going to betray Jesus, Jesus loved him. Jesus even washed his feet. He told us we’re to love our enemies. God wants all of us to use his gifts and love to change our world. God needs our gifts and love to help make his kingdom the reality we live in each day. Because life in the Kingdom of God is not created by just a few people. God’s Kingdom is made up of all of His people. Because God loves us God has given us gifts and it’s up to us to use them. We are each unique and we each have value. God didn’t craft you carefully for you to live casually. You’ve been wondrously made to do wondrous things!
And so use the gifts God has given you. Don’t worry about the particulars. If you’ve built a wall around yourself, tear it down and become available to God. Remember, God has given all of us the greatest gift – the gift of Himself through Jesus. He made Himself available to us because we cannot save ourselves. Because He made Himself available, and because He made Himself an offering on our behalf, we have salvation. Our sinful thoughts and acts are forgiven. In thanks, we need to take our everyday, ordinary lives and place them before God as an offering. We should serve God because we want to. And when we do, we’re operating out of our strongest gift – our love.
Remember the story of the boy who offered his loaves and fishes. They were offered as a gift to God and God multiplied them. Five loaves and two fishes were multiplied to feed over 5,000 with leftovers to boot. But that’s what God does with gifts that are being used; He multiplies them and does even greater things!
God offered the gift of salvation to Charlie Soong in this very place. Charlie Soong then carried that gift to China and used it to change the world for millions of people. God multiplied his efforts! No matter where we are in life, or what situation we’re in, we can contribute to God’s Kingdom. God needs every gift in this room to be used to advance His Kingdom. God needs you and me. If we don’t open the gifts God gave to us out of love, things will not be changed. Don’t leave His gift unopened. It’s one of the most special gifts you’ve ever received. So, this Christmas go ahead and open His gift, give thanks, and offer your own loaves and fishes up to heaven! Give the gift of yourself to God. Open the gifts He has given you and use them and just watch what God will do. I think you will be amazed.
In the name of Jesus – who was, and lives, and is to come. Amen.
For more inspiration, visit 5th Avenue United Methodist Church in person on Sundays at 10:30AM at 409 South Fifth Avenue, Wilmington, NC.
If you haven’t heard of it already, The Chosen is the first ever television series based on the life of Christ. It presents the Gospel in a way that makes the characters real and approachable. For example, there is a scene when Joseph comes to Bethlehem with Mary and there is no room for them anywhere. In The Chosen, Joseph gets angry at the lack of accommodations but makes the best of it in a stable. We see him shoveling out animal feces to make room for the birth of the Savior of the World. It is thought-provoking, humbling, and human.
The Chosen is intentional about this. It’s goal is to present God as a relationship not a set of rules we must follow. I will let the creator, Dallas Jenkins, explain it more. The following are the first and second Christmas specials with The Chosen. As it approaches its third season fully funded by the fans, there are a lot of reasons to celebrate.
Join us as we celebrate the Christmas season with other artists you may know on the set of The Chosen.
We are hours away from Christmas today, and excitement is filling the air. If you are not quite done shopping, that excitement feels more like panic. No one wants to get to Christmas without presents for the ones they love. In this post, we will discuss some ideas you may not have thought about and some ideas that cost nothing but your time.
1. Time
The one thing your loved ones want more than anything on their Christmas Wish List is your time. The following are some creative ideas to give your time as a gift. To make it a present for them to unwrap, create and print a gift certificate on the free Canva app or your word processing program of choice.
Do something they have asked you to do for a while such as fixing a door or baking a specific dish they love.
Turn off your phone and devices to spend a certain number of quality hours with them in person.
Complete an act of service for them such as grocery shopping or cleaning the kitchen.
Make dinner (Bonus: Make it dinner and a movie!)
2. Talent
The gifts that have the most “wow” factor are the gifts that are well made by hand. Think of what you do well either as a hobby or business, and turn that into a product you can wrap and give away. The following are some creative ideas to give your talent as a gift.
Make jewelry specific to their style, features, and interests.
Make recycled art. Everything from jewelry to clothing to journals and more is trendy when it is made from discarded wrappers, pop cans, plastics, and other odds and ends.
Make a work of art (painting, drawing, song, poem, wooden craft, etc.) specifically for them.
Make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating something they enjoy or some of your best memories together.
3. Treasure
The gift your loved ones won’t expect at Christmas is the gift that requires you to sacrifice something you own and love. Think of what you have that they have commented on and/or may be something they will enjoy. Look for the gifts that are a little hard to give away not the ones that you got all the goodie out of and should rather throw away. The following are some creative ideas to give your treasure as a gift.
Can you wear the same size? Give away some of your favorite clothing pieces. Don’t give the worn out pieces; give the pieces you put in special storage to protect.
Give tech. Some of us have extra devices and accessories beyond what we actually use on a daily basis. Give your excess away–especially if it is still relevant (not your 8-track player from the 80s).
Raid your storage. It’s amazing all the gently used gifts (kitchenware, house goods, etc.) that can come out of boxes and totes you’ve stored away for some future time and space.
Gift your sparkles. Thin out your jewelry collection of the pieces you don’t really wear. Clean them up and package them nicely to give away. You can make a very professional looking card with some precut cardstock, holiday washi tape, and a hole punch. I wrap carded jewelry in individual jewelry boxes, small bags, or treat bags.
4. Adventure
For the adrenaline junkies and all those who can’t sit still, the gift you need to give is an experience. This type of gift pairs well with gifts of your time because most adventurers really would rather do life with you than on their own. The following are some creative ideas to give an experience as a gift. To make it a present for them to unwrap, create and print a gift certificate on the free Canva app or your word processing program of choice.
Buy tickets to a play, concert, or museum. Go on a musical adventure through the Museum of the Bible with For King and Country. Tour the Eiffel Tower in Paris or the Statue of Liberty in New York. Sit down with your favorite recording artist for Christmas. Many events are streaming online to a whole group of people for a single ticket price. Others are available online for free.
Give a scavenger hunt. Whether you lead them to hidden or buried treasure from gift idea number 3 or to something completely new, the gifts they have to hunt for will be the gifts you are still talking about years later. I made the mistake of doing this one year for my sister. I buried her collected treasure in our backyard’s sandy soil. By the time she went hunting it, the gift had sunk lower into the ground, and she had to dig a 6 foot hole to get to it. Lesson to learn from this: Put buried gifts in black trash bags to protect them and bury them closer to the surface.
Go on Groupon or AirBnB. Tickets to all sorts of events from Broadway shows to dancing to sky-diving get cheaper on Groupon than anywhere else. Unique classes and experiences (like horse trekking in Ireland) and places to stay (like an exotic island treehouse) can be found around the world on AirBnB.
Give the gift of learning. Masterclass and other platforms offer short classes with famous professionals on a range of subjects from cooking to dance, sports, and writing. You can learn how to write a children’s book with Judy Blume or a mystery/thriller with James Patterson. For book nerds like this writer, just being in the room with a best-selling author is a dream come true much less in a class with them.
5. Memorials
If you are looking for the perfect gift for someone who wants nothing at all, give the gift of giving in their stead to a charity they would appreciate. Be careful who you give this gift to, however. Givers are often giving from their love language and want something that is just for them too. The person that appreciates a memorial gift is not necessarily your typical giving, humanitarian friend.
This type of gift can also be used to honor the memory of someone you have lost. Whether it is your first Christmas without them or your 7th, a gift in memory of a lost loved one can be a way to keep them a part of your life and honor the causes they championed while they were with you. The following are some creative ideas to give a memorial contribution as a gift. To make it a present for someone to unwrap, create and print a gift certificate on the free Canva app or your word processing program of choice.
Give to education. Whether to a place they worked, attended, or admired, giving to education can establish scholarships in honor of the person you are gifting or honoring. Depending on the organization, those scholarships can be given to specific needs or groups of graduates. For example, a scholarship could be established to sponsor all emerging entrepreneurs with a 3.5 GPA. Note: Establishing a scholarship takes time, so this really isn’t a last minute gift. However, you can print a certificate stating your plans to establish it in the coming year.
Give to veterans. The Wounded Warrior Project and the Disabled American Veterans are two places I would recommend to honor past military service. They are good stewards of your investment and use it help real veterans. To give to active duty military and their families, consider a contribution to the USO.
Give to those in crisis. There are a lot of organizations that help people in their time of greatest need whether they lost everything in a storm or they are hiding from an abusive relationship. If you want to keep your support in specific communities, find a church or non-profit that is stewarding their resources well and servicing the people you want to help. There are too many of those to count, but you can find some we love in the Humanitarian Causes part of the Bohemian Princess Journal. For national and international support, give to the American Red Cross, The Salvation Army, Samaritan’s Purse, 700 Club, or Joyce Meyer Ministries.
Give to the forgotten. Whether it is a single parent, an orphaned child, a homeless person, or the elderly, we will always have the needy among us. Find a charity whose cause you believe in and give a gift in honor of the person you want to gift this Christmas. We like to give in this area to our local church or denomination because we know how they use the funds, but you can also choose to give to a non-profit making an admirable difference. Two of our favorite non-profits are The 4 Day Movement and Hope Centers. (Look for more about both organizations soon on the Bohemian Princess Journal.)
Hopefully these ideas got your creative pot stirring. May you find creative ways to give life and love this Christmas, and may you be challenged to give sacrificially to show the love of Christ this Christmas.
We would love to hear how these ideas impacted your Christmas. Leave a comment below if you use one of these ideas. Let us know what you did and how it was received.
Every time I see her, I want to throw her away. She’s just some ugly ornament, I tell myself. Who’s really going to care about one two-inch Styrofoam ball haphazardly covered in cheap sequins?
Then I look at the white ribbon forming a loop hanger on the ball. In thin blue ink I read: made by Rebecca Whitman, Kindergarten in Peyton, Colorado.
All of a sudden, I am five years old again sitting at a round table, smiling with a pin in one hand and the ball in the other. I feel so much pride at my ability. I’m so grown up to be able to hold this dangerous object: a straight pen. My teacher fills my heart with hope and praise as she tells me how beautiful and well done my ornament is. When I take it home, it is celebrated as a truly wonderful work of art. I feel affirmed as an artist: fully alive and fully seen.
It has been over thirty years since that ball first became a part of our heritage tree. There are ornaments to celebrate every year of our lives across nearly two decades, but this one ugly ball starts and stops the Christmas magic for me.
Photos of Heritage Tree by Rebecca J. Whitman, 2021
The magic of Christmas, the hope of Christmas, came as a very imperfect thing. He was the hope of all mankind, the promised king sent to save a nation, but he came as a baby to a barn full of animal dung.
He never lived in a palace. He never wore a crown till it was one made of thorns. His people did not celebrate his progression to the throne, they went into hiding over it.
No one could see the beauty in an ugly life.
Everyone expected a trumpet-blazing, sword-welding, battle-winning King, so what was so amazing about a baby born in Nazareth?
Could anything good even come from there anyway?
We say a lot of things in ignorance when our faith is weak. God chose to save the world not just one nation through the sacrifice of the one thing he loved the most: his son, Jesus Christ. It was a sacrifice of a little bit of ugliness for an eternity of beauty restored in fellowship with us.
When I look at my ugly Christmas ball, I am reminded of all the things that bless our lives from unexpected places. I am reminded that hope is alive even in the darkness. I am thankful again for the happy childhood I had that so many children didn’t. And I begin to see the beauty I saw thirty years ago in my creation.
Magic happens.
A spark ignites.
I celebrate all I have to be thankful for.
What makes you feel the hope and joy—the magic—of Christmas?
When Covid-19 happened, the world was turned on its head. People turned against each other and made a cause to fight even if there wasn’t one.
The buzz word everywhere became pivot. We all had to learn to think on our feet and be willing to change quickly to stay relevant. Our culture was evolving into a global one at levels of interdependence we had not experienced before. Instead of a few countries in partnership with each other, the entire world got hit with an invisible enemy and the need to work together to crush it.
In some ways, this was a good thing. People spent more time at home and got a reset on their values. Business increased as more people shopped online. The supply couldn’t work fast enough to keep up with the demand and now, going into 2022, we have shortages effecting every corner of the market. That means opportunities for work are opening across the globe in ways we haven’t seen before in years…perhaps even my lifetime.
We have seen the good and bad in humanity during Covid-19. While all these opportunities are presenting themselves, we also face them with polarized views about health-care, politics, race, and religion. Across the globe, human trafficking, domestic violence, and genocide have increased because of our isolation.
But hope still exists. International dependence also creates International awareness. We don’t have to struggle alone in the dark anymore. The world really is your oyster.
The Catfish Who Was Neither Cat Nor Fish
One morning I got a message through social media from a man I had never met before. I was used to men trying to catfish me on social media, so I had pulled my picture off all my accounts save this one. I approached the message a little guarded. What sort of person messages a lady at 2:00 in the morning that is NOT a catfisher? I thought. As it turns out, a married man on the other side of the world would.
E reached out to me from hiding in Afghanistan. He saw my connection to the Afghan Coalition and hoped I could help them get out. E was in the media during US occupation in Afghanistan, and he was actively promoting equal rights and democracy for his country. His wife, N, was a human rights activist helping women get legal protection from abusive marriages and education to start small businesses. If Wonder Woman were real, I imagine she would be like N.
I vetted my new friends, E and N, through channels of aid who could verify they were who they said they were and who could connect them to help evacuating the country. If I am honest, however, I was already invested in caring about them and wanting to tell their story to anyone who could help or make a difference.
We knew it was just a matter of time before the Taliban found and “detained” E and N. I feared the worst and worried that every word I wrote them in English risked their life. Thankfully, E was smart enough to delete the messages…but I still worry that our friendship is a threat to his safety.
After the Taliban assassinated his father-in-law and threatened him to stop advocating for western ideas in the media, E and N left their home and went into hiding. They have been living off their savings every since. This week, I asked E how much money he had left to live on and he told me: one month. One month before communication stops. One month before hunger becomes so real your body feels like it is eating you from the inside out. One month before two heroes fighting for the lives of their people cease to be.
Then E told me he had two gold rings he could sell to buy another month. I didn’t want to ask–I already knew–but he confirmed it. He would have to sell their wedding rings to buy more food.
Something about that just broke me. I couldn’t stop crying. For a whole day, I went to Christmas parties with my friends and shopping in the local stores all in a fog thinking about him. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas felt meaningless in the light of real suffering and loss on the other side of the world.
E never asks me for money. He blesses me and thanks me for my heart. Talking to me gives him a glimmer of hope in humanity. Talking to him reminds me why this blog exists.
Why The Bohemian Princess Journal Exists
There is beauty in multi-cultural awareness. God did not create us to live in silos or see the world through our own narrow set of lenses. There is so much more color in the world.
Like Jason Aaron’s version of O Come, O Come Emmanuel, there is greater richness and understanding of the heart of God when we embrace other cultures in love. Embracing cultures–trying different foods and traditions not other religions–is at the heart of what Jesus Christ did when he walked the Earth. He loved on people in tangible ways and called people out on their faults when it was necessary. We need to do that too. Loving like Jesus opens the door for conversations that will lead to change, but it all has to start with that intentional hand reaching down to the drowning Peter and helping him up.
What would it look like if all the world were your oyster not your cage?
What could you do for Christ if you thought about life with a Kingdom mindset on a global scale?
For me, those answers became my writing business and the heart of this blog. I chose to become more intentional in my writing and use this platform to make a difference and inspire change. So far, we have been able to reach into over 30 countries with our message, and we look forward to God using us to inspire others for many more years to come.
For King and Country’s Christmas Special is a Partnership with the Museum of the Bible in Washington D.C. Tickets give you 4 hour access to the 1 hour performance. The show is available for a short time only from December 10-17.
It is a show that blends all the arts–music, theater, writing, and more–to bring to life one of the most important events in world history. Pick up a ticket online before this opportunity passes and grab your headphones for a repeat show. You don’t want to miss this in surround sound.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
As a small business, I hear a lot about partnerships between organizations. This business partners with that one to facilitate this service and now both entites had a point of impact in the community. In fact, greater impact is accomplished because of their partnership than could have been even imagined if they stuck to doing it all alone.
The principles of partnership are as ancient as the Garden of Eden. When God created Adam and looked down on him, he didn’t say, “good job, son, you are killin’ it on your own!” No, on the contrary, he said it is not good for man to be alone, let me make him a helper. Why? Because God designed us to live and work as teams–not individuals.
Business
If you look at the needs of your organization–your specific business plan–you should see a target demographic that you want to reach. To truly accomplish that goal, you can’t do it by yourself, you need to bring in other people who can agree with your vision and have the passion for it that you do.
No organization grows from idea to thriving business with just one person. If you want to be successful, you have to have vision for the future and a plan to mentor others into your seat on the company because eventually you will retire or pass away and you don’t want to build something that just ceases to exist in 10-20 years.
Entrepreneur
It might sound silly to list this separate than business, but the truth is that they are not the same. Though every small business needs to have vision and growth, many are franchisees of bigger businesses. An entrepreneur is someone who is a one-off business: they came up with an idea and pursued it based on their own creativity, vision, and willpower.
Entrepreneurs are the invisible demographic in a community. They are the people like Amy Brogden who look at a town, see a vacancy, and believe they can do something to meet that need. God bless them! We need more people like that everywhere. Small towns are dying without them.
Entrepreneurs work hard to make their vision prosper. They live with the daily reality that the economy can change in a minute and they can be out of a job, so they are always on pivot to stay relevant. The bigger they grow, the more people they carry under them, and the more burden they feel to be successful; no one wants to work as hard as we do to build a business that dies in a couple years.
Relationships
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22 KJV
From the beginning, God set us up to work together in partnership. He took a rib out of Adam to make Eve because he wanted her to be something standing beside him and working with him not ruling over him or trampled by him.
Women of God, you have such an amazing Creator! He saw your worth and recognized you long before Susan B. Anthony or any of those other folks even existed. Get to know Him and praise Him because our Lord Jesus really is a good God to serve.
–Rebecca J. Whitman
It is tempting to live life single–especially if you have faced any heartache in relationships–but I really don’t think that was God’s design for the majority of us. There are far more verses in the Bible about love and marriage and filling the Earth with children than there are about the blessings of singleness. We all must be single for a season, but we are also responsible for being able to see when that season has ended.
Mixing Love and Business
If you are an entrepreneur, it can be really hard to be in a relationship. Sometimes the demands of work make it hard to have room to share your life with anyone else. It is easier to say a relationship will hinder your productivity than it is to say it will help it.
Still, I have seen too many married couples thriving in business to say that single mindedness is really the truth we should hold to—and I am not the only one. According to this article from Entrepreneur.com, research shows that growth in business is tied to a strong and thriving marriage.
Truth Hits Home
When my maternal grandparents came home from their honeymoon, they came home to a box full of baby chicks, and my grandma cried. We were never told why she cried, but I have always believed it was because she knew how much work was ahead of them and the weight of it was frightening. Entrepreneurship is an often scary adventure.
From then on, the adventure was non-stop for them. From chicken farming to dairy farming to firewood to restaurants and everything in between, my grandparents were successful entrepreneurs in Colorado. They were married over 50 years and now rest buried together.
I never saw that entrepreneural life buy them a fancy house or lots of things, but we lacked for nothing at grandma’s house. Their faith and love poured into everyone they knew: friends, family, and strangers. It was a level of kindness and generosity so great, in fact, that it took multiple funerals to celebrate them when they died—and we still talk about them years later today. That kind of legacy doesn’t happen when you live life alone.
This godly heritage reminds me every day that true love and business success are possible. The wedding rings that honored that marriage wait to honor my own now. I like to think my grandparents would be tickled pink to know I will wear grandma’s rings someday. I like to think they would be proud to see me in business now much like them—living day to day on my faith in Jesus.
There is nothing easy about being in business for yourself. Some days you want to curl up and cry or just go back to working for someone else so you can sleep at night.
But all those fears are just growing pains. In time, the business you are building will establish itself if you don’t give up and if you make strategic partnerships that will propel you forward.
Don’t be afraid to risk failure for love. When you find someone worth giving your heart to, be bold enough to speak your truth even if that means writing it down in a letter. Pray for them. Invest in them. Make them a priority and trust me in this: the ROI will be worth the effort.
Recently, I stumbled on the cool, jazzy jams of a local artist, DJ Coles. I think it is so good that I can’t keep it to myself. Watch this short music video and see if you don’t agree.
DJ Coles Music (C) 2012
Vocally, DJ Coles is clearly gifted, but what impresses me most about him as an artist is his lyrics. As you listen to more of his work, the positive message promotes a Bible-based self image–in a way, I have never heard before. The beats are catchy. The words are uplifting. It’s hard not for these songs to get stuck in your head and linger.
So why haven’t we heard anything from this artist since 2012?
All three of DJ’s albums were recorded between 2005 and 2012. They are streaming now everywhere. Prior to, during, and following that time, the artist served in ministry as a youth pastor, military chaplain, husband, and father. While he was happy to wear all these hats, he was actively looking for a way to connect them all in one area of service and have the room to invest more energy in his family. That role presented itself in 2013 with the launch of his 501 c(3) non-profit, The 4 Day Movement.
While the music production has paused on new content, we expect it hasn’t stopped all together. Expect to see something new from DJ Coles music in the near future.
See below for a direct link to play the music on Spotify.
Source: Spotify
If you would like to connect with the artist, he is available on Facebook and Instagram.
Note: The following article impacts those still in hiding in Afghanistan. To protect them, all names and locations have been purposefully omitted from this publication unless already previously published by one of the articles linked herein.
On August 24, I broke over a year of silence to tell you the story of the Afghan refugees. It was a story that left a lasting impact on me and created bonds with people still fighting injustice today around the world. Following news that the Taliban closed education indefinitely for women, I knew we needed to revisit Afghanistan. What I found was a story that left me in awe of the amazing strength of women. It is a story that has me hopeful we can still see positive change in the world, but it is also a story that needs your help to make a difference.
In Afghanistan, women make up roughly half of the population, and it is for women that we went into war in Afghanistan in the first place. According to this article from Human Rights Watch, an image of Afghan women in flowing blue burqas helped sell the war, but we lost sight of that humanitarian purpose over time. Just before leaving the country in 2021, funds for women’s rights in Afghanistan had been cut to roughly one-fifth of what they were in 2010. Mahbouba Seraj, a longtime women’s rights activist in Afghanistan, says “shame on you” to the whole world for that because these funds were actively saving lives in Afghanistan.
But are American taxpayers really responsible for peace in the Middle East?
Providing aid for foreign countries has been a topic of debate over the years, but we generally believe it creates goodwill and diplomatic relations with other countries. According to this 2019 article, foreign aid has been a bipartisan policy in effect for over 75 years in America. Most Americans believe we give away around 25% of the federal budget to foreign aid. When polled, most of us consistently feel our foreign aid should be about 10%.
How shocking, then, is it to learn that what we actually give is less than 1% of our federal budget?
Since 2001, the United States spent over $787 million to promote gender equality in Afghanistan. During our 20 year occupation, great strides were made legally. A constitution was adopted that claimed women were equal to men. Additionally, the 2009 Elimination of Violence Against Women (EVAW) law provided legal protection for women and girls against domestic violence. These laws were not perfect nor were they easy to get enforced by the predominantly male government, but their mere existence was progress. All that progress for women’s rights was halted when the Taliban returned to power this year.
Still, an entire generation of Afghan women have grown up believing the dark days of the Taliban were in the past with their mothers and grandmothers–not in the future for them. They refuse to sit and take this regression silently.
Not all Afghans caved into fearful submission to the Taliban. On the contrary, many are standing up in bold protest for the cause of human rights. These activists are being met with beatings, sticks, whips, tear gas, and gunfire. An example of that is the cover image of this story. Nevertheless, they fight on. One I know about is busy going into rural areas and educating women on their options for legal aid and entrepreneurship despite the fact that a close family member was assassinated by the Taliban. Another is committed to getting the truth out through media even though it has cost him personal threats that made him leave his home and go into hiding.
Afghan women who have stood up for gender equality, democracy, and human rights clearly face imminent risks.
In this context, the U.S. government and its NATO allies have a responsibility to ensure that Afghan gender equality activists, women journalists, and judges are considered a priority group for evacuation, emergency visas, and relocation support, and to mobilize humanitarian aid for refugees and those who are internally displaced.
Most of the Afghan people left behind love their country and have great pride in where they come from. Here is what one of my activist sources had to say about being an Afghan and wanting to leave:
Afghans are patriots just like you. They never want to leave their homeland, but when your homeland is in the hands of an oppressive and terrible regime with no hope of it changing anytime soon, the only dim light that exists is to leave for a while.
(Under the Taliban), you can’t breathe. All rights and concessions are taken from you, and you feel like you are in a prison. Despair and frustration become your friend. You become afraid to even think about the future. You are (functionally) dead though you are still alive…The only hope that remains is a dream in itself: the hope to emigrate elsewhere for a while.
The people who came to us with lessons of freedom, democracy, and human rights want to forget us and leave us alone right when our country is slowly moving towards freedom.
Extremism grows by choking out education and every form of advancement until our country itself becomes a terror effecting other countries and nations. Forgetting Afghanistan is not the solution. We need help to push back against further setbacks.
An Afghan Human Rights Activist
The Dark Days of the Taliban Return
In the 1990s when the Taliban was at its peak in Afghanistan, you couldn’t be a woman in public without a male “guardian” and that public exposure was always limited and purposeful (for shopping, etc.). Modern Afghan women are beginning to see a return to those days. Stories of persecution are leaking out.
For example, one woman was a college professor with a Ph.D. When the Taliban took over, the university sent her home and told her she would be on “unpaid leave until further notice”. A highly educated single woman living alone, she found herself in danger with the Taliban because it is frowned upon for a woman to live alone. She has to find creative ways to provide for herself and hide the fact that she is living alone.
Another woman was tricked into meeting a boy from a prominent family. When she met him, he raped her and got her pregnant. Though she was a victim, she was shunned by her family, prosecuted for having sex outside of marriage, and forced to give up her baby for adoption. When she tried to get justice against her attacker, he was able to pay off the legal system and avoid charges completely. She was only 17.
Summary and Call to Action
It’s hard to imagine living in a world so hostile to freedom. For those born after 2000 in Afghanistan, the baby America they were building was ripped away from them and a foreign culture was forced on them. Despite their touts of being a new, progressive party, the Taliban has not changed. They are still the same dictatorship that ruled by fear and bullying in the 1990s. The difference now is that they are bullying people who know better. Is it any wonder why so many Afghans try to flee? Would you not do likewise if it were your life, your family, being threatened?
For every Afghan brought to safety since the US withdrawal in September 2021, there are considerably more left behind still begging for a way out. The planes are still moving, but the documentation necessary to get on one is harder and harder to come by these days. Even border countries are closing to assistance because of their fear of Taliban retaliation. What options are left but protest?
We take this risk and protest to show the Taliban that we are not women of 1990 to be scared of whipping and forcing us to wear hijabs or forced marriage.
Taliban should win people’s minds and hearts through talks, not through the whip, beatings and extremism.
For lasting change to happen in Afghanistan, it has to start from within. If enough people stand up to the tyranny of the Taliban, maybe the tide will change, but that doesn’t remove the fact that they still need help from outside their country.
For those protesting on the streets today in Afghanistan, it’s not about getting attention, it’s about survival. Silence and compliance are no longer options.
So how can we help this fight?
1. Acknowledge that the fight exists. US media whitewashes what happens in Afghanistan like it is some unavoidable casualty. Our fear fills in the gaps and makes up lies about the people coming here as refugees. These people are not terrorists or freeloaders. They just want an opportunity to work, make their own way, and live in peace. They don’t want a handout or special accommodations. If all we have for them is a tent in the woods, they will be grateful. It is our freedom they want, not our stuff.
2. Be vocal. Tell your friends, family, neighbors, and strangers about what is happening, and educate them on the truth you have just read here today. Call your government representatives and urge them to take action. If you aren’t sure what to say, consider sharing this letter sent by over 100 non-profit organizations to US National Security Advisor, Jake Sullivan. Better still, sign the letter being compiled to President Biden right now. Public opinion matters and, yes, one voice really CAN change the world. Share on your social media accounts. Share in person. Share everywhere and in every way you can.
3. Get connected and serve. There are plenty of organizations still working to get Afghans to safety. Whether it is the logistics of moving them or resources to house them in safe countries, we need help in every area of the mission. Two missions actively working to help on both fronts are Operation Recovery and Task Force Pineapple. Another organization helping those at risk right now is the Human First Coalition.
To Those In Need of Assistance
Immigration options that work take time. If you are reading this and need assistance, reach out to Operation Recovery and the Human First Coalition. Be prepared to be patient, persistent, and cautious; if you get anxious and stop being vigilant about safety, you can jeopardize both yourself and the mission.
To Those In America With Freedom
If you are reading this from a place of safety–especially in America–be grateful. Realize people around the world are actively fighting to have what you get every day for free. Be thankful for the freedom others bought for you, and pray for the freedom and peace of our brothers and sisters in Afghanistan.
In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility–I welcome it…
The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it–and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.
And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.
If you love a good story, get ready for a treat! Today’s post is about a modern author whose work is so good, we’ve read every one of his books–multiple times. I don’t recommend every book I have read much less every book by a specific author, so why am I giving Charles Martin this credit?
Martin is a talented author, but it is the presence of God and the anointing he invites into his books that make me return to them as a resource.
(Part of a response I posted to a question on Charles Martin’s Facebook fan page.)
Criticism about Faith
Charles Martin is not overtly honest about his faith in his fiction writing.
Though Charles Martin is open about his Christian faith on his website, his books focus on story content and people–not religion. Some readers have strong reactions when they discover Martin is a Christian author. One threw his book in the trash and wrote to Martin that he needed to “quit all the Christian crap to get more popular”. This is how Martin responded:
First, can I just say that I’m sorry. It sounds like some Christian somewhere wounded you. Please forgive us. We don’t always get it right. Loving people like Jesus is not easy. I fail here often. But that book you threw in the trash is not one of those failures. My books have a tendency to pick at scabs and that can be difficult for the reader. I’m not saying I know you or what made you hurt, but the story in my story may speak to and bring healing to the wound you feel. I wrote it for that purpose: because it’s only the love of The Father that can get past the tough, calloused places in us and touch our hearts where they’re still tender….
Charles Martin maintains a strict writing structure of 500-1000 words a day–most days. Though he doesn’t go into great detail about how the magic happens, Martin does acknowledge the Source. In September, after completing his second book in the Murphy Shepherd series, Martin posted the following on social media:
Last Thursday I clicked ‘send’ on the third installment of the Keeper series…I have a whole new respect for authors who write series…this book challenged me in ways I don’t think I’ve ever experienced…I can’t tell you the number of days I doubted me, my craft, everything.
To all you aspiring writers or artists or anyone who creates – when it gets tough, and you can’t see around the corner, and have no idea what to do next, I have 2 thoughts:
1 – just show up. Put your butt in the seat. Sweat it out. Don’t quit. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. Writing is quite possibly one of the most humbling things on the planet – Books don’t write themselves. Regardless of yesterday – and whether it was awesome or not – we show up to a blank page. The book doesn’t care – You get no credit for what you’ve done. So, sit down and get to work. AND
2- most importantly, remember that the first verb in scripture is ‘create.’ It’s the first description we get of God’s nature. It’s who He is. What He does. So, everyday I sit in this chair I remember where my strength comes from. The well for the words and usually before I write a word, my conversation with Him sounds something like, “Lord, it’s me. I’m back. Help. Please sit here with me today. Help me create something, which at the end of the day, whether it’s accepted, praised, thrashed or whatever, is a Roadsign to Jerusalem. That it sounds like your heart for us. That it reflects you and points people to you.”
Charles Martin, September 14, 2021 Facebook Post
Publication Schedule
Though no official schedule is posted for Martin books, all the fiction titles tend to come out once annually in June. Non-fiction titles and blog posts have no set schedule. They seem to follow the writer’s inspiration and availability.
The Books (and How To Use Them)
A Life Intercepted
A college football star headed to NFL fame has his life (and marriage) derailed when he is falsely accused of a crime and sent to prison. Can he right the wrongs dealt him and clear his name or will he be doomed to live in the shadows? This book is a sobering read for athletes and anyone at the top of their game with fame and fortune. It is a good reminder of what is important in life.
Chasing Fireflies
He survives a horrible train accident and is eventually adopted, but the shadows of Chase’s identity still haunt him as an adult. When a new journalism assignment reminds him of old questions, he will have to go on a quest to discover the truth. This story is inspiring for anyone in the adoption/foster care system. It is also a good read for writers and those wanting to make a difference in the life of an orphan.
Long Way Gone
The son of a preacher with big dreams to be a famous musician steals from his father and runs away to Nashville. Struggling on the streets, will he make it to the stage or will he find the courage to go home? This book is an award-winning modern Prodigal Son story. It’s an excellent read for musicians and especially healing for estranged loved ones.
The Dead Don’t Dance & Maggie
When Dylan’s wife goes into labor and hemorrhages, his son is stillborn and his wife goes into a coma. He takes a job teaching to pay the medical bills and connects with his students but he wrestles with God. If tragedy leaves you questioning God, this book and its sequel are for you. These books are also inspiring for teachers, gardeners, and those believing God for a miracle.
Send Down the Rain
A Vietnam veteran, a single mother with two kids fleeing an abusive relationship, an old flame, and a 45-year old secret converge on the Florida coast. This book is good for military readers, truckers, and travelers. It is also a good read for those who carry guilt over and haven’t made peace with their pasts.
The Mountain Between Us
When bad winter weather causes their last flight out of Salt Lake City to be canceled, two strangers charter a plane to get to their destination only to crash in one of the largest wildernesses in the United States. This story was made into a movie but, unfortunately, Hollywood altered the story significantly. The book is a thrilling survival story and a good read for those who like the great outdoors.
The Water Keeper & The Letter Keeper (A Murphy Shepherd Novel, Books 1 & 2)
When a young woman is suckered into a human trafficking ring, a man with a boat and spy-like connections sets out on an adventure to find her and save her before she is lost forever. This first Martin series follows the unfolding mysteries of the people affected by human trafficking. This series is good for anyone wanting to better understand how human trafficking works. It is also a good read for those who have been victimized, survived, and struggle with the trauma of their past.
They Turned The World Upside Down
This second non-fiction title uses Martin’s storytelling charm to tell the story of the first-century church in the Book of Acts. This book is good for an approachable Bible study about the apostles, evangelism, and the early church. It is also a good opportunity to discuss Christian theology and why we believe what we do.
Thunder and Rain
A modern-day cowboy and Texas Ranger has survived by developing a tough skin to life, but all that changes when a woman and her young daughter arrive in town needing his help and protection. Capturing the grit of life in the West, this book is a good read for Western lovers and tough guys. It is also good for those who thought love wasn’t in the cards for them.
Unwritten
An actress miserable in her fame, the priest who knows her secrets, and a Boatman with secrets of his own pair up to make the ultimate disappearing act. In leaving the rest of the world, they just may find what is really important. This book is a good read for those with a taste for international travel as well as those who love a good mystery. It is also good for those who live busy lives and long to get out of the rat race.
Water for my Heart
A young street-smart man finds his way through Harvard and into a lucrative business in Miami–in the illegal drug trade. He gets the chance to right his wrongs by going to Central America, but he finds more than he bargained for. This book is a good read for those who love Latin cultural influences as well as travel. It is a story of hope and redemption for even the most unlovable characters.
What If It’s True?
This first non-fiction title uses Martin’s storytelling charm to tell the story of the Gospel and Jesus Christ himself. This book is good for an approachable Bible study about Jesus Christ and why Christianity worships him as the son of the one, true God.
When Crickets Cry
A seven-year-old girl with a vivid scar on her chest sells lemonade to a stranger in a small Southern town. Her kindness sparks a friendship that leads them both toward healing. This book is an inspiring read for those in the medical field or those with a heart for sick children. It is also inspiring for anyone needing a miracle or a touch of healing.
Where The River Ends
When two star-crossed lovers marry against their families’ wishes, they know they have an uphill battle. They build a stronger marriage in their commitment to each other, but that commitment is tested when one of them receives a life-threatening illness. They can take it lying in a hospital bed, but they choose to take it on a 130 mile trip down the river. For anyone battling incredible odds or feeling defeated by sickness, this book is for you.
Wrapped in Rain
When one man’s brother escapes a mental facility, he is forced to face the demons in his past to find him. Along with bringing his brother to safety, he will have to find a way to make peace with the past if he wants to truly move forward. For all those struggling with mental health issues or trying to forgive things in the past, this book is for you.
How to share the books to build community
A Martin book is a great way to talk about issues in small groups. They open the door to discussion of often difficult topics as you discuss the fictional stories organically. They are also really good ways to approach discussions of faith with people strongly opposed to them in any other direct context. You can share life together with a Martin book.
My favorite person to share life with through a Martin book is my dad. He became blind and could only read through audio books. We discovered Martin after this interview.
We started reading his work, and haven’t stopped since. We read the books independently, discuss the characters, and awe over his writing together. We have both reread the books, but dad has read them at least 3x as much as I.
A message to Charles Martin
Thank you for writing such well-crafted stories. You inspire us to take writing seriously and tell our own stories in a similar fashion. We marvel at your talent and hope to write like you.
Thank you for the gift of your faith made real on the page. Thank you for your vulnerability to show how each day is a collaboration with God and, at times, a humble struggle.
Thank you for creating a safe space to talk about hard issues. Whether intended or not, your books have become tools of evangelism on the market today.
True love is not a flash in the pan; it is something that sparks within friendship and grows into a roaring camp fire. All the water in the world can’t douse its flame. It burns endlessly. A love like that is worth waiting for, fighting for, and protecting.
Eugene Barilla and Song of Songs 8:4;6-7
This is for the friend whose fire is yet to be...
You found me…
In the Winter of my discontent when all my hopes for love felt jaded and I saved myself through freezing to -22⁰C.
You thawed me…
I came to life for you–the first colorful buds of Spring opening cautiously, scared to trust the scorched earth with their beauty and light.
You watered me…
The heat of your Summer as you encouraged and celebrated my dreams brought my garden to bloom.
You harvested me…
In the beauty of Autumn, in the fields full and ripe for picking, you saw the beauty in me and harvested my love for your own.
You give me an all seasons love…
You open yourself to me–unafraid to lay all secrets bare. The sparked flame of your love burns away the baggage of mine and I reciprocate gratefully.
I have to say that Christmas is my all time favorite holiday of the year. We get inundated with romance, mystery, presents, family time, and good food. We get more time off and, if we are lucky, snow to play in. We drink eggnog or hot cocoa and nibble on baked goods while we overdose on Hallmark movies, Christmas music, and light displays. There is an overwhelming sense of magic and belief in happy endings. Nothing is impossible at Christmas.
But what do you do when the thing you want most really can’t happen?
If you have suffered the loss of a loved one, you know that the thing you want more than any present under the tree is more time with that loved one alive again. If you just came out of a breakup or you’ve been single for a long time, the last thing you want is to be reminded of how alone you are romantically. Holiday gatherings get harder when people are missing from them–and that’s true whether it is a lost loved one or a missing partner that you haven’t even met yet.
My paternal grandfather loved family gatherings, and he made an especially big deal of Christmas. Before Christmas Eve, he took my cousins and I out for dinner and a movie at the theater. Then he took us to the local mall, gave us each twenty dollars, and let us shop. He was genuinely happy to see all the things we bought with his money that brought us joy. Then, on Christmas Eve, he would cook a steak dinner for the whole family. After dinner, we would gather in the living room, sing carols, read the Christmas story in Luke, and open presents. Presents were always extravagant toys or collectibles for the kids and nice kitchen goods for the adults. I remember one year when we all got Nintendo 64! My sister and I went home, set it up, and played Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt till our eyes nearly fell out of our heads. After presents at granddaddy’s house, there was still more. Gallon bags filled with candy, fruit, and nuts were passed out along with money envelopes to everyone present.
I never thought about money back when I was growing up, but I do now. I know my grandparents weren’t as rich as they seemed; they saved all year to be able to splurge like that on their family for Christmas. My paternal grandparents had come from less and worked hard to have more. Spending money on their family now made them feel joy and fulfillment. Nevertheless, the first Christmas after granddaddy passed away, it wasn’t the presents we missed from the room. There was a sadness and silence we could only address in prayer as we blessed the meal: we missed him. All we wanted, as we gathered together that Christmas, was more time with him.
Christmas is not Christmas anymore when grief over loss enters the room. Substitute whatever holiday in there that is important to you, and the same is still true: holidays suck when the people you love are missing.
Whether you are in the fresh wake of grief or you are a seasoned veteran to it, it can be hard to be cheerful at the holidays. It is okay to acknowledge your feelings while they are raw, but don’t let yourself be trapped by them. Grief is a process that has no timeliness, but emotions will control you if you don’t take control over them.
What I ultimately found helpful in my own seasons of loss and loneliness at the holidays was this: focus on the good you have not what you are missing and be thankful for the memories.
Sometimes forcing yourself to be cheerful for holidays’ sake brings the good memories to the surface. You begin to remember good times you had with your missed loved ones. Smile-worthy memories surface in the flood of sadness, and you find yourself thankful and happy again.
It may be hard to remember why you celebrate or to even celebrate at all, but do it anyway. Eventually it gets easier as you honor those who are passed as well as those who are still around to enjoy the holidays with you.
Celebrate the ones you love and the One who gave up His Son, Jesus Christ, as a gift of love for you.
Know that the pain you feel now will dissipate in time. Just don’t give up.
Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday. It is the celebration of a partnership between unlikely allies, but it is also a time to celebrate the harvest season and all that has to happen to make a plentiful one.
Most of us accept that the first Thanksgiving was a 1600s celebration between the Wampanoag Indians and the Pilgrims. However, some argue the first Thanksgiving was even earlier with the French or Spanish in Florida.
Regardless of which story you believe, we can generally agree that Native Americans were a part of the equation. For those early English settlers, Native Americans were the ones who taught them about corn and how to farm in unfamiliar territory. Since 1990, the month of November has been designated as the month of Native American Heritage and the day primarily known as Black Friday is now also Native American Heritage Day. We think it is only fitting–in honor of Native Americans and Thanksgiving–to share our recipe for a corn casserole.
Recipe: Garlic Corn Casserole
Ingredients:
30 oz. Cream Corn
30 oz. Whole Kernel Corn (drained)
16 oz. Jiffy Corn Muffin mix
2 Cups Daisy Sour Cream
2 Cups shredded Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup melted unsalted butter
Garlic (minced or powder) to taste
Salt and Pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350⁰F. Grease a 9×13 pan. In a large bowl, stir together all of the ingredients except the garlic, salt, and pepper. Add salt, pepper, and garlic lightly to taste.*
*For a lighter note, use garlic powder; for stronger garlic flavor, use at least a teaspoon of minced garlic. For a completely mild version, omit the garlic, salt, and pepper.
Once your mixture is fully stirred together, pour it into a greased 9×13 pan and smooth it evenly across the top.
Bake for 1 hour or till browned, bubbly, and cracking on top. Serve warm and enjoy.
We certainly associate Spring with growth, but Autumn is the start. We have to shed our leaves and let things die for them to grow anew.
Millie, editor of Sylvia magazine
Reading by author, Rebecca Whitman
What will you start in me today, Lord?
What gentle bud will cocoon its life and wait for Spring? What leaves will shed and rot to feed the root of this dream? What branches will You prune from me because they bare no fruit? Will it be a wandering branch of thought or a whole arm out of touch with the mission?
I wait and listen…but I’m a little scared too.
It’s been a fear unsettled since I returned here, yet I want You to unearth it. Uproot it like the weed it is and water me with the Miracle-Gro of Your presence. I feel like I can’t hide away enough in You. Isn’t that part of the evidence here of transformation?
I give you…everything.
I surrender everything I have because I know it is a gift from You–a resource given to use not hoard. I know you will take care of me and get resources to me if you know you can get them through me.
I work through my waiting.
I pursue greater trust in You. I write down my dreams, and I’m not afraid to dream big with You! I make plain the steps to fulfill what I can, but, ultimately, it all falls apart without Your hand.
I have looked up at the sky through a world full of acorns.
I have seen the light through the leaves and let them fall on me. I have let brown acorns root and take residence where they should not have been, while the good green ones fell away from me. Why was my soil not good enough for their seed? Why did some other woman grab them with her earth, become their lover–their mother of children?
My ground, though aged and weak, has rested. The once stripped soil is fertile ground once more. I wait–with thanksgiving and expectation–for tomorrow’s planting and harvest. I thank You, Lord, for the green acorn You have chosen and are preparing for me today.
On November 20, 2021, Mount Olive, NC will see the inauguration of the second-largest event since its globally recognized Pickle Festival. We think it is a pretty big Dill, so we decided to cover it for today’s story. With some advanced notice, hopefully, no one will be left Squealin’ that they missed out on all the fun. Excitement is Brewing in Mount Olive, and we hope you will be a part of it.
The Pickles, Pigs, and Swigs event was created to celebrate the role of agriculture in our community. An NC Pork Council whole hog cookoff will feature 20 cook teams competing from 8:00 pm tonight (November 19, 2021) till Saturday morning. On Saturday morning, the teams will be judged and prizes will be awarded. Then the hogs will be chopped up, seasoned, and combined with side dishes to be sold per plate to the public. 4,500 hush puppies, 75 gallons of potatoes, and 63 gallons of slaw will be prepared for the event. Plates are $10 each and include chopped BBQ, slaw, BBQ potatoes, and hush puppies. People can purchase plates through a drive-thru by the Southern Bank building downtown (previously at the old Train Depot) or they can come and sit down and enjoy the festivities.
A fenced-in beer garden will be available for people to purchase and consume beer from a local craft brewer, R&R Brewing. Fifteen local vendors will be set up including vendors making funnel cakes and kettle corn. The Mount Olive Pickle Company will have pickles as well as a pickle train ride for kids. Antique tractors will be out on display. A partnership with the University of Mount Olive will provide corn hole and giant board games like Jenga and Connect Four for people to enjoy.
Live entertainment will be provided from 11:00AM-6:00PM by North Carolina artists on the following schedule:
1:30-3:30PM: The Harmony Boys, a Mount Olive bluegrass favorite.
4-6:00PM: Riggsbee Road, an all-female bluegrass/country/cover band from Raleigh, NC. The lead vocalist, Shelley Kelly, is a Mount Olive native excited to come home and support her hometown.
The event is expected to see between 2-3,000 people come to the North and South 100 block of Center Street, Mount Olive, NC on November 20, 2021. Funds raised from the event will go back into the community through the Mount Olive Community Development Corporation. Efforts are underway to revitalize downtown Mount Olive and bring people back to the downtown area.
After a year of COVID pandemic isolation, we all need hope and something to celebrate in the community again. Life is far more intentional now. It is the hope that this event will be a part of building civic pride and community spirit as people come out safely and have a good time. If you are in the area, we hope to see you there!
Did You Miss It?
Here are some photo highlights from the inaugural event. If you heard of the fun and were left squealin’, make sure you add this event to your calendar next year.
Story softens us. Even when your stories differ, they still matter because you can learn from them. Threads of someone else’s story can inform your own.
Ashlee Eiland, Formation and Preaching Pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church and author of Human(kind)
There is something powerful about sharing stories–especially personal ones. It’s why we gravitate to memoirs, biographies, and historical fiction. It’s why we watch and rewatch movies about the underdog finally getting his chance and winning. It’s why we gather in small groups and open our hearts with people that used to be strangers. There is something in all of us that wants to be heard, known, and accepted by others.
But what do you do when you are face to face with someone that is polar opposite to you? How do you interact peacefully with microwave personalities if you are a slow cooker?
Microwave vs. Slow Cooker Personalities
It’s hard to imagine the modern world without a microwave but, believe it or not, I still remember a time in my childhood when we didn’t have one. If you wanted to pop popcorn, you had to cook it slowly on the stove or over a fire. If you wanted a baked potato, you had to prep it and but it in the oven for over an hour. It took time to get to the value we wanted, but it was worth it. Some would argue it even tasted better because of it.
People are like that too. Some people are like microwaves; they have no filter and tell the story of their life to anyone who will listen in person or at a distance through their social media. Others are like slow cookers; they are extremely selective about what they tell and how they tell it and only a select trusted few know the full truth of what is going on with them. Though neither approach is right or wrong, it causes great strife and comparison in relationships.
Personalities Collide
I love family dinners at grandmama Whitman’s house. She pulls out all the stops. Sometimes my uncle puts some meat on the grill or smoker on the porch. Most times, it’s grandmama putting all her tools to use and pacing herself through days to get the work done. Pressure cookers, slow cookers, air fryers, refridgerators, the oven, and the microwave team up to cook country food at its finest, and the counters fill with the fruit of their efforts. Yellow squash and onions. Tomato roast with home canned tomatoes. Pork chops and gravy. Vegetable beef stew. Crispy fried chicken wings. Fresh and hot loaded potato wedges. Warm rolls. Fresh pecan pie with double the pecans. Blueberry or peach cobbler with crispy buttery crusts. Butterscotch pudding with a pecan cookie crust and layers of cream cheese goodness. Rice and tomatoes with more home canned tomatoes. Stewed potatoes and kale. Butter beans. Field peas.. All with a little bacon grease for flavoring.
What would those family dinners look like if the pressure cookers suddenly decided they refused to work with the air fryers? What would we miss if our appliances decided to cop an attitude and refuse to sit in the same room much less partner together with someone who cares for food differently than them? I doubt a single dish would make it to the counter; there would be too much infighting.
People are like that too. We let the differences in our personalities and values dictate how we interact with each other. We dismiss people entirely if we disagree with their lifestyle, but we rarely pause to ask about their story. We rarely listen to the experiences that led them to be who and where they are today. How different would the world be if we listened more with curiosity and kindness than fear and judgment?
Making Peace With The Enemy
We have to get to the place where we can sit around the table with people that are hard to love and realize: I am worthy and so are you and that cannot be disputed.
Ashlee Eiland, Formation and Preaching Pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church and author of Human(kind)
If you are stuck looking at the world through your own values, it is easy to dismiss people as your enemies who don’t measure up to them. You can even feel justified and holy doing so, but that isn’t Christianity. In Christianity, we are taught to be more like Christ because we are the image of him left on the Earth. We emulate Christ by studying how he lived his life, learning from those studies, and practicing faith and generosity in our daily lives. When I study the life of Christ, I don’t see him spending all his time with people that agreed with him. Yes, he shared his closest thoughts with friends he trusted who believed in him, but the majority of his time was spent with people who doubted him, lived ungodly lifestyles, and followed other gods. He came to heal the sick and broken and mentor leaders for them not isolate with the ones already healed and believing.
How does that translate into relationships today? How does this have anything to do with getting along with difficult people at work or around the table with you this holiday? It has everything to do with it.
The first step to dealing with difficult people is realizing you don’t know everything and that someone else’s story has value too.
You can’t put yourself on a pedestal and dismiss others. Jesus didn’t. Stop justifying the ways you are better than someone else and own the fact that you have been hurtful too.
Apologize with true heartfelt words if that is possible and necessary; don’t let discord become a root of bitterness in your home or family.
Recognize the value of stories and invite the “enemy” into thoughtful discussion, but put a pin in it before the talks turn heated.
Cultivate an atmosphere of acceptance and generosity within boundaries. You don’t have to agree with someone’s lifestyle to show them love, nor do you have to empty your bank account to be Jesus to others. Set limits for how much you do for free and how much disagreeable behavior you put up with, and don’t let yourself be pressured to give past those limits.
Different is Just Different, Don’t Make It Worse
Just like all the different kitchen appliances serve their purpose and work together to prepare feasts at grandmama’s house, so do people work together in the family of God to bring to life the Kingdom of God on this Earth.
We are all broken vessels and imperfect people, but God loves to work through brokenness and imperfection because (as the Apostle Paul said) “his power is made perfect in our weakness”.
It is tempting to see ourselves as better than others when our values don’t align. But if you are both serving the same God to the best of your ability, how can competition with each other make you more beneficial to the Kingdom? It doesn’t. In fact, infighting amongst Christians actually has been documented as one of the chief causes of pushing people away from God and the church. Outsiders use that struggle as evidence that God either doesn’t exist or isn’t worth it because he clearly isn’t helping you have a better attitude or be a better person.
Don’t be the one giving an unbeliever reasons to turn further from God. Be the bigger person. Forgive and forget offenses and strive for peaceful interactions within boundaries.
I grew up under the ministry of Pastor Ferrell Hardison at Whitley Church (now The Bridge) in Princeton, NC. He raised us to see church ministry like we are all part of the same team. Jesus is the name on the front of the jersey; our church name is on the back. What matters is the name on the front of that jersey. I’ll partner with any church that let’s us work with them (to serve our community) because it is about advancing the Gospel not one church over another.
Andrew Price, Pastor of The Bridge Church, Mount Olive, NC
The Man
Andrew Price is a small town, country preacher with deep roots and agricultural heritage in the community he serves today, but he will be the first one to tell you how surprised he was to end up the pastor of a church in his hometown. Introduced to the Bridge Church (then Whitley Pentecostal Holiness Church) as a teenager with his mother, Andrew has been a part of The Bridge Church NC for many years.
When God called him into the ministry, it began as a job at Falcon Children’s Home and Family Services, an outreach of the Pentecostal Holiness Church serving at-risk children and families. There were many challenges to the work, but the highlight of that time was the fact that Andrew met and married his wife, Nicole, there. Nicole and Andrew both credit their time in service at Falcon Children’s Home for setting important foundational lessons to the ministries they would go on to lead later.
Purchasing a home in Mount Olive, Andrew and Nicole laugh when they recall the early years of their marriage. They say they “really were living on love back then; we didn’t have much.” Nevertheless, God put a seed of hope in their hearts that they could do something for God in the town of Mount Olive, NC.
Andrew took a position as the Children’s Pastor for The Bridge Church in Princeton, NC, and Nicole took a job teaching music in Wayne County then (later) Johnston County Public Schools. It made more sense for them to move closer to their jobs, so they rented out their Mount Olive house and made the move. This could have been a moment to feel defeated because they were leaving Mount Olive, but they didn’t. They knew God was in the move and would not disappoint them in the journey regardless of where the road ended.
Pastor Ferrell Hardison, then Senior Pastor of The Bridge Church NC, became a mentor and friend to Andrew and Nicole. He knew their heart for Mount Olive, but, at that time, that was not part of the vision for The Bridge. The Bridge Church was one church with two locations, Princeton and Goldsboro, and it was very intentional about how any further locations would happen. When the next location was attempted, it wasn’t Mount Olive, it was Smithfield. Pastor Ferrell asked Andrew to take the point on that launch because he knew he had a pastor’s heart. Andrew accepted and learned a lot during his time in Smithfield that would help him later as well.
Going to Smithfield was short-lived and seemed in the opposite direction of where they wanted to be, but it would not be the only time the Prices were left to question God’s plan. In 2013, the hurt hit close to home with the loss of their first son, Anthony Jordan Price. They still remember and celebrate Jordan every year with family trips to his grave. Jordan was just 40 weeks old when he died, yet he was a part of this world from the moment of conception.
It is hard to come through such devastating personal loss and see beauty on the other side of it, but Jordan is now a big brother to three brothers who have learned to value life more acutely because he existed. No life, no matter how short it is lived, is without value.
The Ministry Structure
Looking from the outside in, it is easy to misjudge The Bridge Church NC. Are they competition to other churches–even in their own denomination? Are they spreading the Gospel or just another rock-star contemporary church with a feel-good message? To all these questions and more, I point you to the Bible. 1 Corinthians 3 teaches us that denominations are not the point; we are all co-workers in God’s service. In John 17, Jesus himself prayed for a spirit of unity not division amongst Christians. As Pastor Ferrell explained it, we are like members of a football team, and when we go out on the field (in ministry in the community) it is as a team united with other churches, not in competition against them. The Bridge Church NC expands into locations the Lord directs its leadership to go, and it reaches people that haven’t been able to be reached any other way. Whenever possible, they work with other churches and organizations to make a bigger impact in the community through acts of volunteer service and giving to the needy.
As a whole, The Bridge Church NC is one church with, now, four locations. In addition to ministry outreaches in Kentucky and Belize, The Bridge Church is located in Princeton, Goldsboro, Mount Olive, and Smithfield. Though the sermon points are generally the same every service across all four locations, the personalities, strengths, and stories of each pastor as well as the locations themselves make each location different.
Since its growth into a multi-site church under the leadership of Pastor Ferrell Hardison, The Bridge Church NC has fostered a sense of volunteerism and community engagement unparalleled in many churches today. Moving forward under the leadership of Pastor Jim Wall, the church is strategically building a legacy to pass on to future generations. Members of The Bridge NC give of their time, talent, and treasure because they want to partner with the vision of the church and with its outreach to the community. They are excited to serve and see Jesus at work in their hometowns, and they volunteer as an act of stewardship and obedience to Christ.
The Bridge Mount Olive Story
When The Bridge decided to go to Mount Olive in 2016, Pastor Ferrell, Andrew, and Nicole rejoiced that things had come back around full circle to answer this desire of their hearts.
The first location was a very humble beginning in a rented auditorium at the University of Mount Olive (UMO). It was the beginning of a beautiful partnership with the college that continues today, but it was not an easy place to serve. Every Sunday was a pop-up that had to be set up and torn down by a small group of volunteers starting around 6:00 AM every morning. When Covid happened, UMO had to press pause on its partnerships with outside organizations–and that included The Bridge Church.
Having to find a new place to meet felt like a punch of defeat. How could they come so far just to be shut down now? With two weeks left at the college and no place to go thereafter, Andrew felt God say in his spirit: “we’re not done”. He made the need for a location known to the people of The Bridge Mount Olive and asked everyone to pray and put out feelers in the community.
From those prayers and conversations came the opportunity to rent the Dudley Christian Disciples of Christ Church’s fellowship hall on Sundays. In less than a year of partnership together, Dudley Christian reevaluated the lease agreement and opened up more opportunities for The Bridge Church Mount Olive to access the property and grow in its ministry. The primarily older congregation at Dudley Christian said they were blessed by the sound of the children everywhere.
We feel like neighbors, but we want to feel like family.
Leadership of Dudley Christian Disciples of Christ Church
The desire to grow together as a family led the two churches to have their first combined service on November 7, 2021. They look forward to more growth and collaboration in the future.
The Bridge is not just a place I go, it is a people with whom my family can pursue Christ.
Ronnie Wise, Congregational Life Director
Where They Are Headed
The Bridge Church Mount Olive has an exciting future ahead of them. Celebrating 5 years in the community in October 2021, they plan to be here for many more years to come. Over the next months and years, they plan to invest strategically in growing their ministries to kids and students as well as outreaches into the community and UMO.
For more information about The Bridge Church Mount Olive, check out their Instagram, Facebook, and website. You are also welcome to join them for Sunday morning services at 10:00 AM here.
I’ve heard a lot of stories about stay-at-home moms, traveling writers, photographers, and techies starting blogs to earn money, but that’s not my story. My story begins in a little town in western North Carolina: Morganton. While visiting the town for the first time in 2014, I was overwhelmed with the warmth of the people; everyone had a story to tell and was eager to tell it. As a graduate of a prestigious writing program and a life-long writer, I felt a hunger to reconnect with the writer roots I had let go dormant. So the blog began.
I began writing on a private website for the students I taught in adult education. I shared the blogs with friends and family, but I still kept the words privately circulating amongst my friends and students for over a year. Nevertheless, the website got traffic and even pulled in business for some of the people I talked about on the blog. That’s when I decided to take it a step further.
Between 2014 and 2019, I blogged publicly on three different blogs and two class websites. I became well known for it and was even featured in a cover story by a local newspaper for my writing. I was writing in seperate places to keep ideas and branding seperate, but it became quickly overwhelming. In 2019, I decided to take stock of my blog inventory (over 50 blogs at the time) and define my content areas. Using the tools available to me through WordPress, I consolidated the blogs into one site under my name and organized the content by categories and pages.
2021 was a big year for us. Early in the year, I left over eight years of teaching to pursue other career options and, ultimately, start my own entrepreneurial business in writing. We finally gave the blog her own name, The Bohemian Princess Journal, and gradually increased publication frequency to weekly then bi-weekly posts.
Readership continued to grow. By the grace of God, in 2021 we crossed unimaginable boundaries. We were able to touch readers across the entire United States and over 30 countries with 10,000 views and counting.
Before the year was done, I had written more content in one year than almost all previous years combined. It is humbling to realize just how far I have come from the dormant writer I was in 2014 to the prolific book-length content creator I am now.
where you were planted and stretched your arms into the sky, your feet into the sand. You left me
white flowers in spring and sweet fruit in summer. By autumn, you were yellowing but still offering me shade and a safe place to climb. You fill my yard with golden
shreds of yourself; I let them decay and nourish the earth where you left them. Winter settles in and you are stripped bare. I shudder
at the thought that you’re not here. I remind myself you are just sleeping; green life still oozes inside your warm, wrapped branches. I wait,
for spring to waken you and summer to harvest and share you with the world.
But if I’m honest
I’d be just as happy to keep you
all to myself: my special apple secret beneath a yellow moon.
A few years ago, my father was transitioning to rehab after an infection led to a foot amputation. My sister came home to see him and brought a friend with her. He brought his guitar and asked her for a song dad would be able to recognize upon hearing it. She chose an Allison Krauss song. He threw his acoustic over his shoulder, began to play, and walked slowly, confidently, down the halls of the facility to dad’s room. The instrument was understated and scared by cigarette butts of past owners, but in his hands it sang. The melody reverberated through the rooms and made many heads turn. That is how our family met Joseph Tallent, my sister’s second husband.
Joey playing and walking with Ariel in Florida
They had a whirlwind courtship. Within months of meeting online, they were getting married. I was skeptical. My sister’s school girl giggles when they were together confirmed how taken she was with him, but he was stoic. Joey barely spoke. He was reserved with his smiles and laughter. Still he exuded peace and confidence with his silence.
Engagement Photo of Melissa and Joey by Rebecca Whitman
Joey was a petite man with wild Elvis hair and a voice that squeaked into high registers, but there was nothing small or quiet about his personality. I was soon to learn that.
This is one of my favorite pictures because it was rare to catch Joey so vulnerable and happy in pictures. Melissa took this during their dating period.
I went on a trip to see my sister and her two girls from a previous marriage. We took the girls and Joey and went to St. Augustine, Florida. I stood back and watched how he interacted with my nieces and sister. He was protective: he walked beside the girls with his head on swivel for traffic. He was curious: he explored the buildings with us and suggested places to go. He was daring: he threatened to walk the riverfront in his boxers just to show me he didn’t care what people thought of him.
Flagler College and St. Augustine, Florida with Joey, Melissa, and the girls (Photos by Rebecca Whitman)
In the car later, my sister was upset about something that he knew about. The whole ride home, he held her hand and fed her spirit with a playlist of songs. I watched her weep and fall into peace with the melodies. Joey had become a steward of my sister’s heart. Like a gardener protects, tends, and waters his garden, Joey protected my sister and her girls, tended to her needs for organization and cleanliness in her home, and watered her heart with their shared love language of music. Seeing the depth of his intentionality and care is what made me love Joey too.
Quote graphic by Rebecca Whitman
Lately I have been reading Jackie Kendall’s A Man Worth Waiting For. It is a study of the Biblical story of Ruth and Boaz that examines the qualities of a godly man and how to recognize him. Being a steward of the heart of the woman he loves was one of the characteristics. Joey was exhibiting the heart of a man worth waiting for (MWWF) long before I learned what that meant.
Joey was not a perfect man by any stretch of the circumstances, but even his imperfections made him perfect for our family. My neices loved and trusted him. My sister rested her heart with him. Later, his son blossomed with him. He was the Winnie-the-Pooh to my sister’s red balloon.
Joey and son, Alex, at Alex’s 1st Birthday
They had a lot of plans to travel the country together. Joey wanted to introduce his son to the Yankees, but he never made it to his first game. After a non-Covid related respiratory incident, Joey passed away suddenly this summer at the age of 34.
Joey on the waterfront in Florida.
There’s not enough white space to show the gap he left in our hearts. Joey was the kind of man who was kind to everyone but close to few, and those few were people he invested in intentionally. I was one of the few, but I didn’t realize it till he was gone.
What I do know is that he changed me. Joey made me laugh at life again, and he challenged me to take myself more seriously. He encouraged my dreams, but he wasn’t afraid to speak the hard truth when I needed it. That honesty saved me from years of further heartache in relationships with men not right for me.
Joey was more than a brother-in-law to me; he was my friend. I could be myself with him and know I was always welcome, safe, and loved. Even when my sister and I fought and he had every reason to side with her and hate me, Joey was kind to me. Joey was family by marriage, but he felt more like the blood brother I always wished I had.
In the moments following his death, I found myself wondering what my last words were to him. Did I tell him I loved him? Did he know that either way? We didn’t talk often, nor did we see each other much. My sister and her family lived several states away. Was that last moment a hurried goodbye as they left my house or a hug in his living room with the baby in his arms? I don’t know.
It’s hard to know how to deal with the death of a young person. Joey had a lot of life ahead of him and a son not yet two years old to raise. How were we to move on and show his son what an amazing father he had? How could we possibly teach him all his dad would have taught him? Thank God his mother is alive and can be the voice of this knowledge to her grandson.
It’s normal to feel angry when you lose a loved one. All your emotions become raw hamburger in the wake of such a loss. Part of you wants to draw the curtains and hide inside the shell of your life and cry. But the business of death won’t let you have that freedom.
The business of death is the part no one talks about and fewer still prepare for. It’s all the decisions about funeral services, your final resting place, the bills from your life that must be settled, the lack of income your family has to adjust to, your possessions they have to store or disperse, and the memories you left them with. Joey had no idea he was going to die the way he did, but he lived with an eternal mindset knowing his days on Earth were always numbered. He proved this to me in his death by the fact that he prepaid as many of the bills as possible, and he structured the finances of his household to be dependent on my sister’s income alone.
My sister was used to trusting Joey with the finances, but she had to navigate through these muddy waters while also melting into tears whenever she looked at what Joey left behind. We developed a GoFundMe to help her through unplanned expenses, and several caring friends contributed. Nevertheless, she still had to find a way to handle life alone and without the income to do all the extras she could afford with Joey. In a moment, the red balloon of my free-spirited sister was grounded and all the joy was sucked out of her.
Everyone says that grief gets easier with time, but the truth is that it is different for everyone. One person loves intensely, grieves intensely, and moves on. Another holds on to memories and slowly opens the onion layers of their pain over time. Many more find their way through pain in a variation of something between both extremes.
When you are hurting and trying to find your new normal after loss, find someone who knows you and what you truly value and share your thoughts with them. You will need the accountability in the months and years ahead because your emotions will play tricks on you. One more thing: think twice before you throw your family under the bus in your anger. It is easy to lash out at the people closest to you and even feel justified doing it, but those words are hard to hear and even harder to step back. Even if you feel like you are the only person qualified to speak about loss and pain, you don’t have the right to silence another person’s pain.
I was never as close to Joey as my sister and her kids were, but I still grieved him more than I expected too. I still struggled for months to put my pain into words. At the time of writing this, it has been four months since Joey stepped out of this world and into the next. He is gone but still ever present with us through the smile of his son and a thousand other things he left behind.
If you have gone through the loss of a loved one or a young person, I share this very personal story to hopefully help you avoid making some of the common mistakes that have been made in times of grief and heightened emotions.
Let your pain draw you closer not push you away from your loved ones.
Learn to practice patience and transparency with people you can trust who were in your life long before the tragedy happened.
Be cautious about making big sweeping changes to your life. Even when you are happy, you are still in a stressed-out-emotional-survival-mode-crisis stage of life. Expect decisions right now to be based on emotions more than sound judgment.
Guard your tongue; think twice before you unleash all your hurt on those around you lest you scorch the earth you stand on too and end up causing yourself more trouble.
Let the grief have time to settle before you move on to someone new. It’s not fair for either of you to walk with the ghost of a past love standing between you.
When you lose a loved one, it is hard to find the words to express what they meant to you in that moment. It is especially hard when they are young. Such was the case with my brother, Joseph Tallent.
You will hear more about Joey later this week, but today we want to share the poem written for his memorial. This terza rima is a celebration of his life.
by Rebecca J. Whitman
From the moment you entered the world,
you struggled for breath and light.
Life came to you unfurled
after four years of perpetual fight.
You looked around in awe and wonder.
The world–your oyster–now a beautiful sight.
You found joy in little things: sitting under
Yankees Stadium, traveling to see games,
commiserating when they were torn asunder.
A second love took its claims
when you found the melody of strings.
You went to concerts, met famous names,
felt the inspiration and life that artistry brings,
and chose to perfect that skill as your own.
Playing music was a freedom that gave your heart wings.
I sat on pins and needles for the show. This night had been on my calendar for months. The nominees played on replay on my Spotify as I worked and drove around town. They were my jam through tough times and my celebration in moments of victory. I had researched the artists online and knew some of their stories. I followed them individually on Spotify and Instagram.
When October 22nd arrived, the excitement was palpable. I couldn’t wait to see which one of my new friends would be honored for their work. As the hours counted down to the event start, I watched the red carpet posts on Instagram. I was blown away by Lauren Daigle’s dress, so I asked who it was by. The next thing I knew, I was connecting to the designer in Italy.
Check out this red carpet pre-show for some of the fun behind-the-scenes with the artists.
When the show aired on TBN, I recorded it. I was excited to see Christian artists celebrated with poise and dignity at the level of an Academy award. For so many of us who have struggled through doubts and invisibility as Christian artists, it was a night filled with hope for me. Even the commercials fed my soul.
Too many times, artists fall in the cracks of life. They have this amazing gift to write, sing, paint, draw, dance, act, or whatever, and they don’t know what to do with it. They dabble in their craft and offer it up to the world for approval. If people don’t give their approval, if they don’t get their art, they pack it away and stop trying.
Here is the ache: it is God who gave them that talent and ability, and it is His approval that they need, not everyone else’s. If you are not serving the audience of One, you aren’t ready to serve a bigger one. God gave us the Arts to connect with him in often supernatural ways. We see visions and act on them. We capture moments of inspiration that challenge viewers to engage with the art and with God.
There are a lot of lists online about the purpose of art. Most of them agree that it is a form of human expression that often inspires social change. I would say it is so much more than that. The artist is a warrior. Artists are equipped with the ability to see the world around them in metaphors and imagery that can resonate with an audience. You don’t have to be an artist to appreciate the message of a work of art, but you do have to be curious. Curiosity allows you to explore worlds outside your own and empathize with their experiences.
Art comes from a place of purpose and vision. You can’t help but infuse the work with the emotions you are experiencing and trying to recreate in it. This is why you hear sadness in Joni Mitchell’s “Clouds” and feel the pride of accomplishment with Degas’ “Little Dancer”.
Art comes from purpose but also from faith. When an artist is unsure of their faith or angry at God, their work shows it. When they are at peace with God and intentional with their work, the art becomes a respite and a place to come and engage with God. In my opinion, the highest form of creative work is work done with this level of self-awareness and reverence for Christ.
Christian art is not overtly religious, it is suggestive and impressive professionally and spiritually. You don’t have to beat someone over the head with the Bible to lead them to Jesus.
If you missed it, the 52nd GMA Dove Awards will be broadcast again tonight, October 29th, on TBN. If you are catching this after the 29th, you can still see the love performances on recordings posted on YouTube. Here’s a link to the full program. Enjoy the show!
When you walk into the new location of the Southern Ground Coffee Shop at 1037 N. Breazeale Avenue in Mount Olive, NC, you immediately notice it is not your normal commercial experience. Farmhouse style home decor, handmade hardwood tables, a corner booth filled with pillows, and plush, earth tone couches and chairs welcome you. Girls behind a long colonial blue beadboard counter with coffee beans epoxied into the top greet you by name and take your order. These girls are more than baristas; they are family to the owners, Amy and Robbie Brogden. The personalized care they put into their service is a trademark quality of the location. They don’t just know their regulars by name, they know what they want to drink and what temperature they want to drink it.
The Journey Here
Before we can celebrate where Southern Ground is today, we need to tell the story of where they have been. Owners Amy and Robbie Brogden did not see coffee in their future when they met and started dating 8 years ago. Amy was a successful independent woman in the securities industry in Wilmington. Robbie was a father with four teenagers and his own construction business in Mount Olive. Though they saw the potential for partnership in each other, they took their time getting to know each other before they were ready for marriage. When they did marry, Amy took a position in insurance sales in Duplin county. Amy’s manager encouraged her to increase her sales by working from a local coffee shop and letting the busyness lead conversations and potential sales to her. The problem was that there were no coffee shops in Mount Olive. That need birthed the idea for Southern Ground.
When Amy told her husband about the advice from her manager and the idea of a coffee shop, he took her driving around the town of Mount Olive. Coming from a family with deep roots in the community and over fifty years of knowledge serving it himself, Robbie knew that the right location for a business like that would be near Interstate 117 and the University of Mount Olive. With no business plan and no money in the bank to fund it, they found the perfect location, made the decision to act on it, and did every sort of odd job they could to pay for it.
Robbie and Amy Brogden, owners of Southern Ground Coffee Shop.
My husband is the kind of person that you don’t tell something to unless you really want it. He is an encourager and will move heaven and earth to make that thing come true for you even if it means he has to work hard, long hours to do it. His confidence empowers me. We are a team, and when we work together, the dream happens.
Amy Brogden
I’m not scared to take a chance. If you don’t play the game, you know you’re going to lose. I make a decision and live in the reality of it, not the fairytale.
Robbie Brogden
Faith in Business
Both Amy and Robbie Brogden were raised in Christian homes, and that faith is the root of their business. Southern Ground is not overtly religious nor does it hound guests with the Bible, but neither are they ashamed of who they are and hiding it. Most of the girls serving are Christians as well as the owners, and they are kind and respectful to everyone. They genuinely don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings; nevertheless, what you see is what you get with them. They won’t sugar-coat things or change who they are to please others. Southern Ground knows they won’t be liked by everybody, and that’s okay.
The Brogdens are also hard-workers with giver mindsets. Often working 80-100 hour weeks, they give most of what they make to the community because it is what they feel they are supposed to do. They are not perfect people. “I disappoint God everyday,” Amy says. “I am so not worthy. But He knows we are trying hard, and He is honoring that not just for us, but for the others that come in here.”
How Covid Affected Their Business
While Covid-19 caused many small businesses to close their doors, Southern Ground found its start in it. Campus closures and quarantine caused less traffic to come in from the university and businesses, but something surprising happened to fill the gap: Google. People began to intentionally Google search for them because they wanted to support a local small business. From this traffic, a loyal following developed, and many of those people still patron the business today.
Supernatural favor protected and blessed Southern Ground because God wanted them to be there. Far more than a cup of coffee, they are a place of service and ministry to the community. At Southern Ground, students congregate and study, small groups meet, and families hold celebrations. Southern Ground is a launching place for fellowship and wholesome, healing community. The impact of their business has only just begun.
Supporting Small Business
When they were just starting out, Amy had to learn everything she could about coffee. She researched the business and learned how to operate her business well. Amy and the girls on her team were mentored by other established coffee shops. They learned how to properly make and serve gourmet coffee and smoothie drinks, play with the ingredients, and make their own recipes. Those recipes are featured on their menu today, and Amy is now mentoring two women wanting to open two coffee shops in eastern North Carolina.
Southern Ground supports many small businesses and an example of this is in the fact that they source everything they can locally. “We are a small business and couldn’t make it without the small businesses supporting us,” says owner, Amy Brogden.
Southern Ground takes pride in the uncompromised quality of their products. Their coffee is exclusively sourced from a North Carolina roaster, Cactus Creek. Part of their partnership includes a proprietary blend, Southern Sunrise, that can only be purchased at Southern Ground Coffee Shop. The milk used is sourced locally from Simply Natural. Cinnamon rolls and other pastries come from local bakers, many of whom are in-home makers. Supplies used to remodel their shop came from local hardware stores including Jones True Value. Even their social media presence supports a local business, Daily Testify.
The First Location
The first location at 997-E Henderson Street, Mount Olive, was a beautiful hole in the wall that opened in 2020 and holds a lot of fond memories. Everyone at Southern Ground recalls times when the whole shop–every guest and employee–contributed to the same conversation. They loved that sense of community engagement, and they hope the new location will see more not less of it.
The first location was the place where standards of excellence in customer service and branding were established. In this place, Southern Ground Coffee Shop became known as a home away from home with Farmhouse Style similar to Chip and Joanna Gaines’ Fixer Upper and Magnolia Network. The commitment to make everything welcoming even extended to the bathrooms.
Advice for Business
Both Amy and Robbie agree that being in business for yourself is not for the faint of heart, but it’s worth it. The step of faith that started their business is still a step of faith today; all the profits from Southern Ground’s first location were put back into the business.
We knew God wanted us to open the shop because He kept putting the right people in our path to make it happen just when we needed them to be there.
When God does that, you have to go; don’t question it. It is a day-by-day step of faith and trust in Him. You figure it out along the way.
Amy Brogden
What’s New
The new location more than doubled the space for Southern Ground from 1200 sq. ft. to over 2600 sq. ft. That extra room brings some exciting new perks along with favorites from the old shop.
For example, the large round Magnolia Co. clock iconic from the first location fills part of the back wall while a new stone fireplace and magnolia log mantle fill the other.
A large black and white conference room sits tucked behind a warm rust wall to the left of the fireplace featuring the signature dry-erase board from the old location.
The meeting room space at Southern Ground.
A new white board gives the shop the opportunity to celebrate the diversity of their patrons. Guests are welcomed to sign it and share where they are from.
A drive-thru window welcomes guests to get service on the go without leaving their vehicles.
What’s Coming Soon
Artists from the Art Department at the University of Mount Olive are currently working with Southern Ground to put a mural on the side of the building.
A copper framed hood behind the counter welcomes a stove to expand the menu. Later this fall, Southern Ground plans to add soup, sandwiches, and salads to their gourmet coffee and smoothie menu.
Online ordering will soon make it possible to offer quicker service.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.
Hebrews 11:1-2, NIV
Poem read by the author, Rebecca Whitman
Faith is the substance
Of things hoped for, it is the
EVIDENCE
It is the root of the tree, the bird of the wing, it is the
WING
It takes flight with our dreams…
It is the fruit of the seed, it is the
SEED
It’s that tiny ember of spark, the burning coal of flame…the essence of life… it is that seed
Growing in the unseen; the truth propelling the future into reality… it is the breath
of life still waiting to be defined
DEFINED
By faith that understood how the heavens were formed by God’s command not the spontaneous decision of a single cell or a cosmic burst.
By faith that led men and women to worship an unseen King, walk with him when he was seen, live through joy and pain, fight and defend and die for…and with…this King.
KING
This King who walked among us not as a prince but as a man. The man who had every right to wear a crown and snub society but chose to hangout with outcasts and live with propriety.
This King who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, raised the dead to life, healed the sick, and escaped the sword…
This King whose perceived weakness became the power that launched a thousand ships, routed enemies, conquered kingdoms, ruled justly, and obtained the promise for all Heaven and Earth…
EARTH
The place where Heaven bends down with supernatural provision and we are two house finches at a glass feeder: stuffing our beaks with seed we didn’t earn, lifting our little red heads with pride and joy, and stretching our woodgrain wings to fly.
Disclaimer: This article is written in conversation with the artist. It is not meant to be a representation of her voice but, rather, of what the author learned from her.
In the thriving arts district of Downtown Goldsboro, NC, acrylic and mixed media artist, Tracey Penrod, is making a name for herself and living out her calling as a full-time artist. If you missed it, here is a link to her story. Today, we share insights into the business side of being an artist full-time and some of the advise and life lessons that got Tracey to where she is today.
Shared Space vs. Studio Space at The Arts Council of Wayne County
When Tracey began to take herself seriously as an artist, she entered a transitional period of working out of her home using her dining room table and part of her kitchen as her studio. None of that space was dedicated to the art exclusively. If she needed the space for dinner or guests coming over, she would have to move all of her art and set it up again later. Constantly moving her work made her lose time doing the work because she struggled to find supplies disorganized by the move. She also struggled to get back into the head space to create the work.
When Tracey moved to a dedicated studio space at The Arts Council of Wayne County, everything changed. Not only did she have everything where she wanted it and didn’t have to move it anymore, but she had a community of other artists to influence her work. The ability to walk out next door and ask another artist for a quick opinion on something was an invaluable resource for her.
The Arts Council of Wayne County is the hub of artistic expression in downtown Goldsboro, and the arts bring in so many other things to the community in business. People familiar with (what the artists and Arts Council has to offer) will come here for it. There is a visibility here that can’t be found somewhere else or out on your own.
Tracey Penrod
Audio Inspiration
Part of Tracey’s unique process is that she creates with music. Many of her pieces have playlists created for them, used to inspire them, and often sold with the piece.
In addition to custom playlists, Tracey considers herself addicted to podcasts and Instagram accounts. She follows artists she likes and those who influence the techniques she uses. Many of the visual artists are contemporary and abstract painters influencing her landscapes.
Of the 1,000+ Instagrams that she follows, she recommends the following Top 3 for inspiration:
In consideration of the keys to being a successful art business not just a hobbyist, Tracey suggested the following four points to consider.
1. Figure Out Your Branding and Identity
Though it is tempting to think you have to be everything to everyone when you are in business, specialization is actually preferred. People want to know what makes you special, what makes you unique. To clarify your brand identity, Tracey recommends that you spend some time connecting with what you feel makes you unique, where it came from, and why your story is what it is.
An artist can duplicate any other artist, but that is not the same thing as your identity. You have to know yourself and how you want to put yourself out there. Ask yourself: What is my eye drawn to and how am I supposed to relate it?
The more you create, the more you know your voice.
Tracey Penrod
2. Get Your Financials In Order
Before anyone else can take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously. Opening a business account with your bank can help you tell yourself you are legitimate.
Whether or not you have a lot of money to start your business, you do have to be a responsible steward of what you have. Make time to track your expenses and keep accurate records of your sales and expenses. You can invest in money management tools later, but even just a Google Spreadsheet is better than nothing at all when tax season comes.
3. Establish A Designated Place and Time To Create
One of the biggest things that turned me into a business was establishing a regular studio space and schedule outside of the home.
Tracey Penrod
If you are not ready to afford a space outside of your home, what can you do to make a dedicated space for your work–a place away from distractions–with what you have? Jane Austen created some of her best work including Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility at a tiny round table by a window in her family home. It doesn’t have to be elaborate to be successful.
4. Make Room For Self Care
When you are doing something you love, it is something you want to do seven days a week, but you have to pay attention to your other needs like family, home, doctor appointments, etc.
If you are still in transition, however, your art can be your therapy. When she was not able to work full-time as an artist, Tracey noticed that creating art was therapeutic self care for the stress she experienced teaching. Looking back on it, she wished she had started creating sooner in her teaching career so that her teaching would have been easier.
It is important that you are intentional about filling your well of creativity. Tracey enjoys experiencing new restaurants, museums, destinations, and art with the people she loves. She also enjoys reading good books and attending art events with other Christian artists.
Take care of yourself first, and then everything else. Don’t make yourself the sacrifice.
Tracey Penrod
Final Thoughts from Tracey to Artists Starting Out
Are You Ready? Are You Coming? by Tracey Penrod
Don’t believe the lies!
Put yourself out there.
Make yourself available. Seen.
Stretch beyond your comfort zone.
Pursue a career in something that brings you joy not something that drains your spirit.
Let your work be a place that inspires curiosity in others. In my work, I take things like books pages, and I repurpose them into something that causes people to give a second thought to objects they otherwise ignore. They wonder about the stories behind my work, and they ask questions that lead into conversations about God.
There is nothing overtly religious about my art, but it is still enabling those moments to happen.
Tracey Penrod
We hope this story inspired you. If so, please take a moment to leave a comment below. If you would like to connect with Tracey Penrod, visit her website, Facebook, Instagram, or studio.
In the thriving arts district of Downtown Goldsboro, NC, there is an artist who sees the world in layers of light, color, and geometric shapes and translates her visions into masterpieces of paint and mixed media. This is the story of who she is, what inspires her, and how she became a full-time visual artist.
For Tracey Penrod, the question was never when did she see herself as an artist; the question was when did she not.
Growing up, creativity was nurtured by her mother (a teacher) and grandmother (a quilter). Tracey remembers enjoying dime store coloring books with watercolor brushes and embedded paint in the pages. Those early watercolor experiences became a lasting influence on her creative voice; many have said her work reflects a watercolor effect without the application of watercolor.
She laughs at the memory of “Patch the Pony”: an early poster figuring out how to make mixed media work using glued food on a horse. Tracey still sits in wonder under the memory of her grandmother’s quilt frame. She remembers the square, rectangle, and circle shapes raising a canopy of filtered light over where she played as a child. These shapes left such a deep impression that they are a feature replicated in many of her works today.
Creativity wasn’t the only thing that Tracey learned growing up in rural North Carolina; she also learned the value of order and cleanliness. Her mother set a standard of excellence for her home that was hard to live up to at the time but, in the long run, prepared Tracey for successful work habits as an artist.
“I was the sloppy teenager leaving messes in my room and stuffing stuff under my bed to clean up when I was told to….Now I can see how disorganization hindered my art and how taking the time to organize makes me able to see my supplies and work quickly in the studio now.”
Tracey Penrod
Take a peek inside her studio…
Such an inspiring childhood would seem like a fertile soil for translation into art as a business, but it didn’t work that way. Like so many artist stories, Tracey didn’t know what opportunities were available to her as an artist in business when she graduated high school. That lack of information and vision caused her to pursue career paths in college that were close to her calling but not actually in them. She started pursuing being an art teacher then switched to Commercial Art and Advertising Design.
Then the doubts settled in–the same doubts we have all heard at some point or another in our artistic careers–the doubts that say: What am I doing? There’s no money in this! Nobody in my small corner of the world is going to pay me to do this! I need to just go find a real job and let this just be some hobby thing for me.
Those doubts made Tracey feel like it was a waste of time to pursue a career in art, so she gave up on creativity and chose what seemed logical at the time: a career in teaching. In 1999, she graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Middle Grades Education: Social Studies and English Language Arts. From 2000 to 2021, Tracey devoted herself to her teaching career and spoke life into the hearts of many young people.
Teaching children was both rewarding and challenging for the artist heart of Tracey. While she loved being able to make a difference, the effort took all her energy and left little to give back to herself for her own creative work. Nevertheless, Tracey began to see the need to purposefully pursue her art while she was still in her teaching career. From 2012 to her teaching retirement in 2021, she allowed her teaching career to be her bridge job transitioning her to a full-time artist career.
During those bridge years, Tracey took advantage of opportunities to elevate her level of mastery in her craft and grow in her business acumen. She challenged herself to create professional quality work, learn how to frame with exhibition-level standards, enter local art shows, and get her work seen by a larger audience. She attended workshops and artistic events both locally and abroad including Gathering of Artisans in western North Carolina. She learned new techniques and how to apply professional finishes like cold wax to her work. She continues to gather inspiration from other artists on podcasts and Instagram.
You never stop learning; however, the time spent on mastery of one’s craft can’t be undervalued. It took Tracey over 20 years to step into her calling as a Christian artist, but her customers would tell you that the time spent in mastery was not wasted. What she can offer clients now sets Tracey apart from hobbyists and drives clients to her that are expressly wanting professional work. In fact, ownership of a Tracey Penrod original is considered a privilege for most of us. While those 20 years in the desert of another career felt a lot like striving to be an artist, they led to where Tracey is in business today.
For more about her business and the advice she would give other artists today including her top 4 Spotify Podcasts recommendations, don’t miss our companion article on Friday at The Bohemian Princess Journal. If you have been a client or colleague of Tracey Penrod, please take a moment to comment below and share how her art and work partnership has been a blessing to you. If you would like to connect with Tracey Penrod, visit her website, Facebook, Instagram, or studio.
HelloFresh is a mail order food service committed to providing sustainably sourced food to consumers in a way that minimalizes waste. In this review, we will take a look at how they do that, pros and cons of the service, bottom line recommendation, and some pretty cool extras about the company.
How It Works
HelloFresh is pretty straight-forward with how they work. First, you pick from one of six different dietary restriction-based meal plans. Then your options are narrowed to that plan, and you pick how many people you want to make for and how many meals per week. You then pick subsequent sets of meals for future boxes. When you submit the order, you commit to a subscription of auto deliveries that arrive at your home at the dates you assigned every week. Boxes can be delayed to come less frequently, but that is not the automatic choice on the website.
Pros
Pro #1: Sustainable and Eco-friendly quality goes all the way to their packaging and beyond.
The shipment box itself was impressive because it was a cardboard cooler with instructions on it for how to recycle it. The separate meals inside were packaged in brown paper bags. Some of the ingredients were also repackaged into paper containers. For example, two cans of black beans for one recipe came in cardboard boxes similar to grade school milk cartons.
Pro # 2: Fresh produce really was fresh.
This should seem like a given from a company with the word “fresh” in the title, but it is not easy to do. Fruits and vegetables spoil easily–especially tomatoes–but ours were firm and nice from the point of delivery to final make (roughly a week later).
If you are on a clean eating diet, this freshness is a BIG plus. Even without the dietary restrictions, I experienced noticeable improvements to my health simply by cooking with fresh ingredients.
Packaging includes all the ingredients you need plus a full-color 8.5×11 recipe card.
Pro #3: Fresh ideas bring fresh fun to the kitchen.
If you have gotten into a rut in the kitchen (cooking the same stuff over and over again), mail order food services give you something new and surprising to try. It is a food gift you give yourself and your loved ones. It is self care through homemade food instead of fast, processed, or frozen food.
Though all the recipes I picked for this box were simple, there were a few techniques and ingredients I wasn’t familiar with. I found it exciting to learn new skills and challenging to try to figure out how to prep new ingredients.
Cons
Con #1 : Inaccurate timing on the recipe cards
Almost all of the recipes claimed they took an hour or less to make, but that simply was not true. I ran a stopwatch on 2-out-of-4 meals. From start of prep to plating with no breaks except to read the instructions, most recipes took 2 hours to make.
The biggest chunk of the recipe time is in prepping fresh ingredients. If you can plan ahead for the day, you can prep the ingredients and have them ready so that the actual make time is an hour or less. I really can’t imagine it getting faster than that–not even if you are Gordon Ramsey.
Con #2: Subscriptions are pricey and only worth it if food waste is a real problem for you
HelloFresh claims they are cheaper than buying groceries, but I was able to get all the ingredients for my family’s favorite HelloFresh dish for about the same price as what I got them from HelloFresh.
What I couldn’t do was buy in less quantity. So, for example, I had to buy a whole bag of poblano peppers instead of just two. If I don’t use them all up or prep and freeze them, I risk losing money to spoiled food.
Con #3: Repetitive ingredients and messy instructions
I’m not a big fan of mayonnaise, but it was used a lot in the recipes we had to create dips and sauces. This particular dish was lovely without it. I recommend really looking at your recipe options before you buy. Here is a link to the directory of all their recipes.
In terms of messy instructions, this is particularly in terms of how the instructions guide you to work in your kitchen. The instructions take for granted that you have all the necessary cooking tools, oils, and lots of bowls for the ingredients. Many recipes could have been streamlined into 1-2 mixing bowls.
Bottom Line
These two Latin-inspired dishes were palate pleasing and light. Which would you try? Black beans with poblanos and onions (left) or Turkey with red cabbage slaw and tangy dressing (right)?
I loved the surprise of the meals and the self-care of eating more intentional foods, but these particular meals were frustratingly long to prepare for how simple the food really was. It was also not a cost efficient way of cooking for a family of three or more.
I would recommend trying the service if you have been throwing out more food than you have been able to actually cook with. I would also recommend it if you want to try a few boxes to just play with new food and ideas. If you are trying them out for play, be proactive about your subscription. If you want to discontinue the shipments, set a reminder to cancel future boxes before they ship and charge your card.
Some Pretty Cool Extras
If you give HelloFresh a try and become an avid supporter of the product, you may want to consider a job with them. HelloFresh is a global company with active openings in multiple countries including over 300 jobs in the United States.
I don’t often look for a chance to partner with a company and promote their product. I prefer to give my readers honest journalism; there is no payment attached to this post. That being said, it is pretty cool that HelloFresh offers options for partnering with them to promote their products. From including samples and gift boxes to new employees to being an influencer plugging their product, HelloFresh will entertain proposals for business partnerships.
In last week’s post, we talked about the importance of writing down your vision and guarding your influences. This week, we are discussing the short conversation starter known as an elevator pitch. US National Elevator Pitch Champion and Top 10 Business Coach, Chris Westfall says we need to ditch the old pitch idea. In this article, we will discuss what an elevator pitch is, why it is important, and how you can still craft on in a digital age.
What is an elevator pitch?
An elevator pitch is a short speech that invites people to have a conversation around the topic of who you are and what unique service you can offer them. Think of it as what you would say to a multi-millionaire investor if you had one minute alone with him in an elevator.
An elevator pitch is part persuasive story and part conversation starter that has three key components: introduction, summary with USP, and specific ask.
A good elevator pitch is important because it’s an effective way to demonstrate your professional aptitude, strengths and skills.
Indeed.com, “How to Give an Elevator Pitch With Examples”
Key Components of a Successful Pitch
Introduction
The introduction is where you invite the listener to start a conversation. Think of simple manners here; give your name and title then ask for theirs. This is something as simple as “Hi! My name is Rebecca Whitman. I’m a writer. What’s your name? What do you do?”
This is not the time to be timid; be bold and confident! Believe in yourself and be yourself. Since you are delivering this speech in-person, your body language is half of the selling point. Genuine interest in others and confidence in yourself will attract opportunity.
Summary with Unique Selling Proposition (USP)
The summary is a synopsis of what you do and what makes you unique from others in your field. There is a whole separate art to crafting your USP that is worth researching. I found this article from Entrepreneur to be helpful in explaining it.
Part of being successful here is being introspective and curious, but the other part is being a good listener. Before the moment when you deploy your pitch, you should think about your ideal customer and what would make them choose you over everyone else on the market.
Sometimes this is a clever hook. For example, the founder of Revlon used to say he sold hope, not makeup. However, many times this is about listening to the person you are talking to and discerning, in that moment, how you can best serve their needs.
The New Elevator Pitch
US National Elevator Pitch Champion and Top 10 Business Coach, Chris Westfall says the internet and social media changed everything about how we should approach an elevator pitch. The new elevator pitch is all about knowing your story and how to have a conversation about it with others; ditch the old pitch idea, Westfall says.
As you listen, be truly present not just looking for an opportunity to sell yourself. Listen to what they do and how they express their interest, audience, and needs. Do you have a skill that can add value to their lives? Do you know someone that would be a good partnership with them?
Specific Ask
The specific ask is where you offer solutions and partnerships to the listener based on the problems they have expressed.
If I am listening to someone and they tell me that they are looking for a new cook for their restaurant, I am going to think of my friend who has been working in the industry and looking for a kitchen to call his own. I am going to tell that person about my friend and help facilitate a meeting for them to talk about working together.
If I am listening to someone and they tell me that they are unhappy with their marketing and the way their story has been told, I am going to give them my card and tell them how I can help them with my writing services. I am going to show them what I can offer that is different and unique from any other writer or reporter that comes wanting to tell their story.
Final Thoughts
It is tempting to shirk back from expressing yourself as a confident business person to a stranger. Sometimes you have to just have do it afraid, but the point is to do it. Have a mindset to network and add value to your community. You may not win an opportunity with every pitch, but you lose 100% of the opportunities if you don’t try.
By not even asking, we are rejecting ourselves by default—and probably missing out on opportunity as a result…
When you are not afraid of rejection and it feels like you have nothing to lose, amazing things can happen.
Jia Jiang, “Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection”
Remember to be brief and memorable. Great conversations leave an impression, but memorized speeches make you come off as a sleazy car salesman. At the same time, an excellent connection can become a missed opportunity if you don’t leave a way to connect later. This can be something as simple as a business card exchange, but be diligent to follow up with that person after the event where you met.
If you would like a more traditional approach to elevator pitches, you can find examples for every level of your growth and development in this article from YourDictionary.com. For more details about structure and avoiding common speech delivery mistakes, check out this article from Indeed.
When God begins to show you your purpose and calling, there are some important steps you need to follow through with to help you keep on track to seeing those goals realized.
In this post, we will dig into the scriptures and discuss the importance of writing down your vision, guarding your influences, and avoiding dream killers.
Write down the vision and make it plain on tablets that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time but at the end it will speak and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it because it will surely come; it will not tarry.
Habakkuk 2:2-3, NIV
Write the Vision
Physically writing is part of committing the message to memory for yourself and future generations.
Habakkuk is not the first or last time that God told someone to write something down. We see the same instruction to write given in Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Revelation.
Did you know that Jewish synagogues all across the country open scrolls of the Torah during their Shabbat to read from the same selection of readings? Every year, they read the complete Old Testament (Torah) this way and remind themselves of the faithful character of God.
Physically writing stuff down matters. It creates a record to remember something important and it serves as a guide map to the road ahead.
Writing your vision is also submitting to the power and voice of God to fulfill it.
We know that the Bible is the unaltered word of God. We recieve it like a set of precious letters from our Father. We honor it as the guidebook of our lives. That is Biblically-based Christianity. But did you realize that we wouldn’t have that letter, that guidebook, if it weren’t for a series of people saying “yes” to writing it down?
In a similar fashion, God wants to partner with you to see amazing things happen in your life. It starts by seeking him, getting quiet, and listening.
For more details on hearing from God about your calling and writing it down, check out this blog.
Writing captures long-range goals and gives you an action plan to avoid common mistakes.
I love the practicality of the book of Proverbs. Solomon spent a lot of time giving advice on avoiding foolish mistakes. In Proverbs 29:18, he warned that lack of vision causes careless living. We know that mistakes are going to happen as we grow in discovering our callings, but we can avoid many of them by having a vision to focus on and commitment to Godly character as we grow.
Part of Habakkuk 2:2 said to write the vision down so the person reading it could run with it or implement it. When you have a written vision, it’s not just for you. People down the line will catch your dream and come along the journey to help you fulfill it.
Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Matthew 7:6, NIV
Guard Your Influences
Bad influences can be dream killers.
Especially when your dream is new, it is precious to you. Some days you want to share it with the world; other days you want to protect it like Gollum did the ring in Lord of the Rings.
You are not wrong to treat your dream like a precious pearl and protect it.
If you share your dream with someone who doesn’t believe in it, their advice can stop you from pursuing it altogether. If you share it with someone who doesn’t have the same heart as you, it can send you down the wrong path in how you pursue it. All of that really matters if you want to be successful and see your dream fulfilled.
Learn to discern the pigs in your life.
This lesson has been a hard one to learn, and I am going to speak directly to the artists here, but it really applies to anyone.
If you are serious about your art, your art is your business. As you build your business, it is important that you are careful about the culture you establish for your business by the people you allow to partner with you in it.
You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:13-16, NIV
What you allow to speak into your business will breath life and make it grow, or it will kill it at the root. This is why I titled this post, Guard the Root!…it really is that important who you allow to influence you.
Develop an elevator pitch.
Not everyone you meet is going to be someone that partners with your vision, and that’s okay. You don’t need an army of followers to believe in what you do to make it successful.
Whether or not someone supports you, they still want to know what you do. This is what an elevator pitch is for. An elevator pitch is what you would say to a potential client/friend/family member/supporter if all you had was five minutes in an elevator with them. Think of it like your testimony in a nutshell. Tune in next week for more on how to write your elevator pitch.
Bottomline: Don’t tell everyone everything; give them the elevator pitch and listen to their heart. Pray for discernment to be able to know when something is not right and when you shouldn’t be listening to it. Don’t go past the elevator pitch or waste time listening to a resource that reveals it doesn’t support your vision.
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
Psalms 1:1-3, NIV
Gather Wise Counsel
Plant your root in the water of the Word of God.
We all make excuses about the amount of time we have to read the Bible, but that is all they are: excuses. If you want to be serious about your vision, you need to make sure it is a godly one, and you need to protect your heart while you pursue it. There is no other way to do that than through studying the Scriptures.
God doesn’t have a time requirement. He will take as little or as much as you can give him, but he does want your heart. Don’t just sit down with a Bible verse and think that is enough time to really answer your questions.
Let the Word of God be your primary resource for knowledge and wisdom. Take all your questions to God in prayer and seek answers in His Word. God will show up and answer you because he delights in the hearts that diligently and desperately seek Him.
Invest in doing the research and development of your craft.
Get a good concordance or index that can show you where topics are mentioned multiple times in scripture. Get a good commentary to dig deeper behind the meaning of the words you are reading. Most theologians start with Strong’s Concordance and Matthew Henry’s Commentary. I have a copy of both and reference them, but sometimes I get as much from the index and footnotes in my Bible. The key is to read the Bible in context and not take things to mean something they do not. Look for more about studying the Word in context in a future post.
Investment does not just mean money; it means time. Whether it is time reading the Bible or time learning a skill, your vision will need you to invest time in learning how to make it grow.
None of us are born with all the knowledge we need to be successful, nor can we accomplish success overnight.
Give yourself time to develop a network of support and encouragement.
Give yourself time to develop your business acumen and marketing skills.
Give yourself time to develop mastery in your craft.
Give yourself time to develop your working schedule and culture.
Give yourself time to develop steady clientele.
Glean from godly friends who are successfully following their visions.
When God calls you to something, it is important to find like-minded people who are living out their callings to encourage you in yours. They will have wisdom from their experiences to help you navigate through your journey with less stress and discouragement. This blog can be one of those resources for you. If you aren’t already a follower, make sure you join at the end of this post, so you don’t miss future posts. (It’s free!)
Godly friends are friends that are not perfect people but people who believe what you do about God and live transparently with their faith. They don’t tell everything to everyone; they share important things with a chosen few. They exercise wisdom and kindness; they greet everyone in genuine love.
Godly friends are not going to be just like you. They may be farmers, business people, healers, helpers, pastors, or servants. Whatever gift they are called to operate in doesn’t matter. What matters is that their faith and work ethics inspire yours.
Additional Scriptures
If you would like to do a deeper dive on this subject, here are some additional scripture verses I would encourage you to read. Scriptures are listed in order of where they are found in the Bible.
Proverbs 4:23
Proverbs 11:14
Proverbs 27:17
Isaiah 30:8
Jeremiah 31:33
Luke 14:25-33
2 Corinthians 5:12-21
Galatians 5:7-9
1 Timothy 4:12
1 Timothy 6:20
Titus 2:6-8
Hebrews 11:1
Revelation 1:19
Final Thoughts
God is calling artists everywhere to rise up and use their talents to bring Him glory. I have met writers, painters, musicians, sculpturers, dancers, gardeners, and bakers who have all caught the vision to use their talent for the glory of God. None of these people, by the way, were struggling, penniless, artists.
There is no short-cut to success, but God can anoint and bless your vision if you choose to believe and follow Him.
We all have different missions in life but, I believe, they all root back to a ministry of reconciliation on Earth (2 Corinthians 5:12-21). If what we are doing does not point people to Christ, it probably isn’t a godly vision for us to pursue.
I’ll see you next week! Until then, safe travels on your journey…
Another lifetime ago, I lived in Winston-Salem and worked with artists. I loved everything about my life: cool weather, historic places to explore, a beautiful townhome, lots of friends that gathered throughout the week, a creative job I loved, and volunteer service to help artists in the church and in the community.
I was living my best life–my best dream–till it all crashed to the floor.
I lost my job and couldn’t find another one. My finances ran thin, so I picked up part time work as a nanny. All the friends so eager to hang out before were now suddenly non-existent. The only thing I had left was my volunteer service, but I was quickly losing that too if I couldn’t afford my housing.
One night I was standing on the side of the road picking up dog poo from a client, and I had a light bulb moment. “What are you doing here?” I told myself. “You have a college education; why aren’t you using it?”
The dream I thought I had was gone, but I convinced myself that somehow it would all come back if I could just find a way to stay in Winston-Salem.
I decided to take on a roommate–first in over four years since college–to help out. I thought everything was going well and things were starting to look up. Then I overheard her on the phone looking for a new place to rent without telling me she wanted to leave. I was devastated and angry, so I acted quickly to take charge. I put in my notice with the leasing office, packed up my belongings, and moved home.
The Lie I Believed For A Decade
A lot of anger got packed up with me when I left that place. I didn’t understand how God could let me live the dream and then lose it.
I let the anger box away every good memory from that time in my life and tell me I would never again live a happy or fulfilled life.
I allowed myself to believe I never heard from God in Winston-Salem, and, maybe, I never heard God at all. For a decade thereafter, I lived in a cloud of sorrow and regret believing my best years were behind me. But God…
Hindsight is 20-20: Discovering My Tribe
Looking back now, I see things differently. The more I had tried to stay in Winston-Salem, the more I needed to go. My roommate was just the final straw in a long list of circumstances pushing me to leave. Sure, God could have opened doors of prosperity and protection to keep my dream going in Winston-Salem. If He had done that, however, it wouldn’t have been the full dream He had for me.
What I really had in Winston-Salem was a glimpse of my purpose and calling and clarification of who my tribe is.
Every Christian has a unique tribe or group of people they can talk to about faith and life without inhibitions. You have a specific set of skills that resonate with them, and they will listen to you in ways they won’t listen to otbers.
For me, that group is artists. While I loved my work with artists in Winston-Salem, I was meant to meet and work with more artists than just the ones in that location. I couldn’t have known that without leaving it.
Find Peace With It and Stay The Course
I had a choice to stay angry and distanced from God or forgive the past and move on. I chose the latter. Doing so opened doors for me to begin to heal from that pain and even see the beauty in it.
Understanding doesn’t come quick or easy, but one thing I did come to understand was that my best years were not behind me in Winston-Salem. A lot of good came from leaving, and a much bigger purpose for my life started happening after I came home.
Once you make up your mind to move forward after pain, you have to be determined to stick to it and not pick up that old grudge.
Allow God to give you new experiences. Put Him first and pursue the vision He gives you for your life. When you do that, you don’t have to go looking for ways to use your talent or feel fulfilled. God will put you in the path you need to go and lead you to ministry in unexpected ways.
This is a challenge involving working with your bare hands in soil. It is especially helpful for creatives of all types that find inspiration from nature or are curious to explore it more. It helps to increase contentment and appreciation of what you have and the world around you. It also helps you learn about the partnership between art forms that can help you face and conquer difficult situations.
Outdoor Gardening Challenge (Option 1)
Breaking groundClearing the soil for new plantsIndian Hawthorne and Apostle’s Iris ready to plantSnow Queen hibiscus and Podocarpus Maki ready to plantSurprise attack from fire ants on the Hawthorne thwarted by orange oil in waterThankful I had music and gloves for this partBack to hands on in the dirt when the ants were goneMixed potted soil with native soil to fill the holeFinished plantingSuccess!Outdoor garden challenge
Outdoor Garden Challenge Prompt
First, you want to make a plan you can accomplish in a day and gather materials. I knew I wanted to upgrade a 1×3 foot section of my yard with exotic plants from a recent trip. I gathered shovels, a wheel barrow, plants, gloves, bug spray, and music.
Music is an important part of this challenge that you don’t want to skip. Not only does it help create a mood to help you conquer the work, it empowers you to feel stronger and more capable of overcoming adversity. This is an opportunity to learn how different forms of creative expression can partner together to achieve a goal. Put together a playlist that makes you feel empowered, bold, and strong. This could be a static workout list you use in the gym or a list that changes daily. For me, it was a 90’s Christian Rock kind of day.
Next, you want to break ground and clear the soil for your planting. It is important that you take the time to do this right because not enough depth can leave roots exposed on the new plants and make them die. Also, weeds or grass left behind can choke out the new plant. If you are going to this effort, take the time to do it right and give the new plants their best chance at life.
Next, remove the plants from their pots, loosen the soil, and place them in the prepared ground. Potted plants are often root bound and need their root ball gently broken before they are put into the new soil. When you do that, a lot of soil will break loose. I broke my roots over my wheelbarrow with the soil I had already taken out of the hole in the earth. The spare soil will be mixed together and reused later. For now, just get your plants where you want them.
It was at this step that an unwelcomed visitor stepped in: fire ants. Fire ants swarmed my new Indian Hawthorne and my hands as I tried to remove the pot and break the root ball. Solution: spray the plant and ants with a mixture of orange essential oil and water. The orange oil doesn’t hurt the plant but it instantly kills the ants.
Next, with the plants in place, mix the native soil displaced from the whole and the potting soil displaced from the plants together. I used the wheelbarrow and shovel to do this as I was planting. Fill the remaining space in the hole with the soil mixture. Pack it tight and gently stomp it down around the plants because you don’t want water to come and erode away the earth from the roots.
Lastly, mix a high quality plant food in water and water the plants generously. You want to soak the earth on and around the new plants. Follow instructions on your plant food and plants to continue to water them for the next couple of weeks while they get established. Enjoy!
Indoor Garden Challenge (Option 2)
Replant an overgrown indoor garden collection
Indoor Garden Challenge Prompt
For the indoor garden challenge, you want to take a potted plant that is overgrowing its pot and replant it. I chose a collection of cacti and house plants I had mostly in one pot in my office. If you don’t have a pot like this already, you can find similar pots needing replanted in the clearance section of most garden shops.
For this challenge, I used bagged potting soil, spare pots, and my bare hands. I also chose to leave the music off for this challenge to allow myself the full sensory experience of touch and sound as I played with the dirt.
If a plant is overcrowded, it will struggle to stay alive. Lift the plant(s) gently out of the overcrowded pot, and let your fingers feel the through the soil to where their roots lie. Gently loose the plant from the soil around it with as much root and soil as you can keep that were near the stem of the plant. Continue this gentle unearthing process for all the plants. Then replant the plants into new pots with at least two inches of soil below and around them. Mix plant food in water and generously soak the plants in their new pots. Return the plants inside.
Final Comments
Working in the earth is almost primal in its connection to us as human beings. When you accomplish something with your bare hands, it makes you feel empowered to do more challenging things. Playing in the dirt is God’s natural way of reinforcing confidence. As we battle against forces beyond our control and win, we feel stronger about taking on new challenges in life. Take a moment to consider that. What did this challenge make you feel empowered to do?
Please take a moment to share images and thoughts in the comments below from when you tried this challenge. If you chose to do one or both of the challenges, we’d love to see it!
When the COVID-19 (SARS-CoV-2) pandemic hit America, I was teaching in a local community college. We didn’t know much at the time but, as a precaution, we all switched to remote learning. The school went dark for a month to allow teachers to transition courses online. When we turned back on, it was in a whole new world.
No one expected it to last long. We were midway into the Spring semester and still making plans for a normal graduation celebration. We resumed classes as online only but planned to have fully in-person classes available by July. That didn’t happen.
I was more prepared than most for transitioning to online teaching; I already had a lot of the systems in place in my classes. My students were prepared to maintain their workload online, so I didn’t experience the drop in attendance as bad as my peers. What did change, however, was the hours when we worked. Because many of my students were parents working in the service industries, they were working more and sharing their internet (with their kids also doing school from home) more. My students didn’t have time for their own education till late at night, so I adjusted my time to match them. When their peak work hours were midnight to 3am, mine were too. I found myself stretched. On one end, I had to be alert and active during the day for work Zoom meetings. On the other end, I had to be present for my students to interact and answer questions when they were available to work.
I was exhausted, but I didn’t tell my supervisors. If I had, they would have advised me to keep normal office hours and tell students I would respond to them within 24 hours. I tried that, but I didn’t feel like it was the right response for me or my students. We were all scared. We were all searching for some semblance of normal pre-pandemic life. Keeping a rapid connection–even though it was just responding to emails and questions on the learning management system–made us feel like we were still connected…still human.
Fear of Human Connection
I stayed online with my students for a year. My students and I supported each other through race riots, pandemic, and economic losses, but I still couldn’t write about it.
I went silent on this blog and most of my social media for a year. Everything in the world was chaos, and I didn’t want to be another trite voice adding thoughts to the discussion of it. I underestimated my role and value in the world, and I let my feelings dictate my actions.
Working remotely was more freeing than anything I had experienced in my career, and I loved it. I could work in my pajamas. I could do house chores that I never had time for before. I could visit with family and friends within my safe circle–all while still doing my job as a teacher. I was no longer tied to schedules or office hours; I was free!
I did everything from home and only returned to the office once a month for paperwork as needed. When I did return, I was wearing a mask and staying socially distanced from everyone. The first thing I noticed was that the office culture changed. People didn’t gather and talk anymore; everyone stayed in their separate offices and barely acknowledged when someone else was nearby (except to put on a mask if they were).
The very thing that made us human–our communication, connection, and care for each other–became the first thing we shed in our fear.
I found myself afraid of being around others. For a year, I isolated myself from friends and community involvements like my church. The mere thought of returning to in-person classes caused me anxiety. I wanted to care for others but keep my distance, so I leapt at an opportunity to work remotely full-time for more money than teaching. I left eight years of teaching for the security of never having to see another person face-to-face unless I chose to. The irony of this choice is that I was already given special permission to work remotely as long as I wanted to, but I knew there would come a point where that choice would no longer be given to me.
I thought that isolation was a good thing. I was staying out of the public (with all the germs). I was ordering my groceries and online shopping for everything else. I was watching more church online than I experienced in person. I was socializing with people I lived with and a few close friends I trusted. I was distancing myself from the rest of the world, and I thought I was safe. I had no idea how much that distance was toxic for me.
Loss Becomes Real and Personal
Isolation was supposed to keep myself and my loved ones safe, but it didn’t. My only living grandparent–more isolated than me–got COVID, ended up in intensive care, and almost died. We couldn’t go see her. Our only communication was the hospital phone or the personal phone she had taken with her. If either line stopped working, we had no way to know what was happening to her, if she was safe, or if she was coming home to us.
I still remember the sound of her voice on the phone. Hooked up to machines and heavily drugged, her voice was low, gargled, and strained for breath. She was afraid and said a lot of things that didn’t make sense. Nevertheless, she said she would fight to stay with her family as much as possible, but she also kept saying her goodbyes like every breath would be her last. It was heartbreaking. I was powerless. All I could do was pray and surrender, so that’s what I did–every day, every moment that I thought of her and feared I was losing her.
I guarded her story. I didn’t share my life on social media or my blog, nor did I allow my friends to do so for me. In many ways, I gave up on the world and ever being part of it again because I was convinced it had nothing but hurt to give me.
When our prayers were answered and my grandparent got better, I knew that time with loved ones was something I didn’t want to take for granted anymore. I took it a step further. I determined to spend more time with the people I loved, and I devoted my energy to being present as much as possible. I helped care for sick loved ones, I spent time with extended family, I visited close friends, and I made plans to see family out of state.
Life became complicated in May 2021 when I lost my job (the one I left teaching for) and couldn’t go back to teaching. All the pain and angst from isolation were intensified by fear over money. Loss of income derailed my plans for connection and made me feel powerless, but those were just feelings (and feelings are temporary).
A month later, I lost three people that were important to me: my brother-in-law died of a sudden non-COVID-related respiratory problem, an 8-year relationship ended, and a former student died in a boating accident.
So much loss derailed me. I wanted to succumb to my feelings and just die, but God said…
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7, NIV
Change Your Perspective
Doubt, anger, guilt, sadness, and fear circled me. I allowed myself the freedom to feel my feelings while they were raw, but I did not allow them to root in me. Feelings, both the good and the bad, are temporary and they lie to you. You can’t let your self worth and perspective of the world be determined by them.
I took control of my thoughts as best as I could–even though it felt like holding a balloon in the wind by a thin sewing thread. I reminded myself of scripture and the truth of Christ that makes up my moral compass.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.
Philippians 4:8, NIV
I found that if I took control of my thoughts and pushed out the ones based on fear and pain, I could fill my mind with thoughts of strength, love, and affirmation. The more I allowed God’s peace to fill me, the stronger I became for the challenges that surrounded me and the more I saw God’s hand directing me through them.
COVID made me afraid of being around others. Loss, loneliness, and sadness made me need to be around them more.
It is a basic human need to crave in-person connection with others; we were not meant to live life alone. I craved fellowship beyond a mask. I craved community without fear. I longed for a new normal where I could hug or shake hands with a stranger and not immediately fear exposure to a life-threatening disease.
Something had to change, and it started with who I was listening to. I stopped reading the CDC website because it kept changing its mind on what to do and left me more confused and afraid of others. I stopped listening to the news because they had nothing good to say and capitalized on fear and anger. In case you were wondering, fear and anger are emotions we have historically used to control the public. This article from The Conversation website, does a fair job of explaining the history and how it has been used for COVID but experienced backfiring results.
I limited who and what I allowed to speak into my life. (Which is a policy I think showed more wisdom than fear and still saves me today from unnecessary confusion.)
I started filling my mind with advice from people I trusted including family, friends, and ministers.
Next, I started studying the Bible more and seeking God in worship and community at church.
Next, I sought wisdom on issues from authorities that were dealing with them first hand. I found doctors and hospitals online debunking COVID myths. This website was particularly helpful for countering some of the lies I was fearing.
With self-education, I felt safe enough to be in public as long as I maintained social distancing and sanitation. I didn’t consider the germs a child is exposed to in a public learning environment and then brings home to you. I had been taking my nieces to and from school every day for weeks. I didn’t question their lack of hygiene in a time of COVID. They are teenagers and what teenager EVER stops touching their face, phone, and every other surface long enough to sanitize or pull their mask up over their nose these days?
Then my eldest niece got sent home to be quarantined. She had been exposed to a COVID-positive person at school and had to stay out for ten days unless she tested negative. We had to isolate her and not let her socialize with the rest of us unless she was wearing a mask and distanced. I had to keep enforcing those protocols like a relentless dictator, however, because teenagers don’t pay attention to their actions. While I waited and watched for symptoms, I also lived with the fear that I had already been exposed and that this was no longer in my head–it was real threat.
I fought my fear with facts and self-educated.
I found out that COVID-19 is easy to kill with soap and water, so I washed my hands more and made my nieces shower when they got home from school.
I shut down any of our plans to be in the public, and I found ways for us to stay social but distanced together indoors.
I found out that people with the COVID vaccine can still get sick and still have to quarantine if they experience exposure–which made me wonder how the vaccine is helping at all if vaccinated people are still getting COVID.
I learned that COVID takes a minimum of five days to germinate and present enough bacteria for an accurate test result and ten days before symptoms begin to show.
I also learned that very few symptoms often present in children. That meant that my niece–who struggles to focus on schooling when she is home–would be stuck self-motivating herself to do well in school for a whole week of work before she could get tested. It also meant that all her household chores fell on me and her sister because all her energy and time were spent on staying focused on school.
I watched the girls and myself closely for symptoms according to the CDC and WebMD. The girls didn’t exhibit any signs, but I had almost all of them. While I could explain away the nausea, dry cough, fatigue, muscle ache, headaches, sore throat, and congestion, I couldn’t explain my loss of taste and smell. I was pretty sure all my symptoms were allergy and med related, but I had never had allergies take away my senses of smell and taste. What was worse: if I did have COVID, I had been exposing the family far longer than the school because I had all the symptoms before school began. The choice was clear: I had to get tested and quarantine myself.
Luckily, COVID-19 testing is federally mandated to be free right now, but that doesn’t mean it is easy to get tested. You still have to prove exposure and/or symptoms to be eligible to get tested. Here is what I did to get tested.
I googled “Covid testing near me”, answered some questions online, and scheduled an appointment.
When I got to the appointment, everything was handled through a drive-thru window and dropped in a LabCorp box for analysis.
Though I didn’t do the rapid test, I had my results within roughly 24 hours.
Panic over COVID made me treat others like parasites and live in fear in my
own household. It created a
wound in people I loved and built a barrier between important relationships. It
exposed a lack of faith in an Almighty God to protect and restore us. It
revealed an area of growth and healing I needed to pursue.
What My COVID Scare Taught Me
Testing negative for COVID-19 gave me back a sense of power in my life–but it came at a cost. I had created wounds with my own fear that needed restoration. I grabbed up my nieces and hugged them tightly. I wanted them to know they were not the Black Plague of germ death to me (even if teenagers sometimes seem like they are).
No matter what happens with the pandemic in the months and years to come, we can’t let our “new normal” become a place of fear about connection with others. We need to stay alive and aligned with our core values, and we need to stay in a place of safe in-person contact with other people.
This is a challenge involving riding on a public transit bus and doing freewriting on your body. It is especially helpful for writers and artists to step outside their comfort zone. It helps to increase confidence about your work despite the criticism of the world around you.
Example (Modeling)
Tree branches and doodles drawn in publicFreewriting on foot and leg on a public transit bus
Challenge (Prompt)
First, grab some ballpoint pens or Sharpies (whatever instruments you feel comfortable using on your own skin).
Next, take a public transit bus for the full duration of it’s route. If you drive, park at a safe bus stop and ride the bus till it returns to your parking location.
Next, as soon as you sit down in your seat, take out your writing tools and start writing or doodling on your skin. The point here is to not over think it or pause for permission. Keep writing until you have covered all your exposed skin and/or you have reached your starting location.
Next, depart the bus and return home. Journal about your experience, how it made you feel, and what you learned from it. Capture images of the work on your skin.
Finally, share images and thoughts in the comments below from when you tried this challenge.
Alternative (Prompt)
If you do not have access to a public transit bus, you can still accomplish the work of this challenge by doing the work in a public place. Pick a public park, library, or facility and commit a couple hours to sit or walk and write or draw.
(The Lord your God) defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt.
Deuteronomy 10:18-19 NIV
Introducing the Digital Dunkirk Boatman
Recently, I met a traveler known as the Boatman (identity reserved to protect the mission) who was in active military service. When I met him, I was immediately impressed with his sense of poise and charisma. He was confident but not cocky. He was bold and secure with boundaries to protect his values. He kept his actions and intent pure. He was highly skilled: the kind of man who could read a room and know exactly how best to serve it. It was impressive how intuitive, wise, giving, and kind he was to strangers much less people he knew and loved. We sat over dinner conversing under the stars on a warm summer night in Florida.
When the Afghan refugee crisis 2021 happened, and I heard he was directly involved; I knew I wanted to help. This is more than his story; it is the story of the thousands of service men and women and innocent civilians that are or will be publicly executed if we don’t take action NOW.
The Taliban Takeover in Afghanistan
Since the War on Terror began under the Bush Administration in September 2001, American troops have occupied the Middle East in effort to stop terrorist acts and create a hostile environment for them in the areas where they were breeding. (For more on this history, check out this detailed article by Cato Institute.)
This year, the Biden Administration determined that it was going to pull all US troops and support out of Afghanistan by 9-11-21. They thought they had enough steady support to keep Kabul as a safe port of entry, but they did not. As soon as the troops were gone, the Taliban reentered and took control of Kabul. When Kabul fell, President Ashraf Ghani fled the country, and the Taliban took over the government. According to this article from CNBC, the Taliban regime will allow foreign (US and UK) citizens to leave freely through August 31, 2021, but all Afghan nationals will be stopped at the gates. Furthermore, they say they will not allow any evacuations past the 31st, and any attempt to do so will face severe “consequences”.
The Taliban wants to shift the narrative that US evacuation is a gift to Afghanistan. An article published by Aljazeera yesterday claims that the Taliban today is a powerful leadership that can negotiate with the skill of western leaders, but they were denied their rightful reign of power by US occupation. They want us to believe all of Afghanistan is excited to see the “new Taliban” come into power. If that were truly the case, why are there so many refugees stuffing themselves into cargo planes or strapping themselves onto the landing gear and risking falling from the sky versus staying behind in the “new Taliban”?
Afghan citizens want to leave the country because they know they will be killed if they stay. This is especially true if they offered any support to US troops during their occupation. You can hear some of their stories first-hand in this article from the New York Times.
With boots on the ground, here is what Boatman shared with me:
(Anyone left behind will) sadly have to stay and fight and hope they can defend their families from the atrocities the Taliban will unleash when we leave. Worst case scenario, the internet will be shut down, and they will begin murdering the innocent. These (people) are my family. I know their names, faces, and birthdays, and I will memorialize every one of them that doesn’t make it home because they are still my family. My children and grandchildren will know their names; they will not be stricken from the Earth like refuse. There are thousands of people like me living this nightmare right now as are the 6,000 service members having to bear witness to this human suffering because of the orders dictated to them by their Commander-in-Chief. We are already psychological casualties of this obscenity, but everyone can still stop this if they will email and call (their government representatives) until this is corrected.
How to Help Afghan Refugees
Because of the immediate need to get these people to safety, a grassroots effort is organizing to provide aid. Here are the top three ways you can help save Afghan Refugees today!
Volunteer your time, talent, and resources to organizations like Society76 to help those in need including refugee centers. As these families come out, they are needing housing for groups as large as 15-24 family members.
Contribute financially to GoFundMe’s like Helping Afghans in Crisis and Flyaway that are helping to pay for transportation and housing to get refugees to safety.
How the Evacuation Efforts Continue Post Cutoff
In a recent conversation with The Boatman, I was updated on what happened with the evacuation process and, specifically, the cutoff period of the 31st. Here is what he shared.
Though the cutoff to leave Afghanistan was on August 31, 2021, the majority of US planes left on the 30th. Twenty-four hours were left on the clock, and the American government did nothing to help the crisis during that time.
Entire groups of people were denied exit because of paperwork. Families we promised citizenship in exchange for helping us were trying to leave with their families (parents, siblings, and children). If anyone in that group didn’t have a passport with a VISA stamp already on it or other acceptable documentation, they were denied asylum or exit from Afghanistan. In most cases, the people denied were children of our allies. The impossible choice was this: leave your children and come with us or stay and defend yourselves because we can’t help you here.
Press releases from the White House will never tell the truth on this, but these are the words from boots on the ground that had to carry out the orders.
At the time of this writing, US citizens are still able to evacuate with proper documentation, but it is much harder for Afghan allies. Neighboring countries are now refusing to help because of fear of Taliban retaliation. Nevertheless, we have not given up our effort to get every trapped Afghan ally to safety.
Afghan refugees stuck in Afghanistan now are living as slaves did along the underground railroad. Generosity of strangers and the protection of God is all they have right now.
When and if they get out, the next biggest need is housing. Afghan families are large and do life together. They will need housing near each other that can accommodate 15-25 people. Whether this is a temporary situation of people opening a room in their homes or a more permanent solution of offering places to rent, the refugees are prepared to be respectful and responsible tenants in their new host countries.
Another need they have is learning the English language. While many local community colleges offer this service for free in the United States, refugees may not be able to transport themselves to the location and/or may be afraid of how others perceive them.
If this cause moves your heart, prayerfully consider how you can be a help to these people. No one person can solve ever problem that exists here, but if you do what God leads you to do without fear, you bless yourself and others in the process. Being the hands and feet of Jesus in this broken world is a blessing and a calling we all have to fulfill.
Blog Tour for Pamela Taylor’s book, Pestilence: Second Son Chronicles Volume 3
Welcome Back!
If you are just joining us, this blog is part of a book tour promoting a new historical fiction novel by Pamela Taylor, Prestilence: Second Son Chronicles Volume 3.
Note: The author sent me an autographed copy of the book in exchange for this review.
Pamela Taylor’s book series, Second Son Chronicles, is a historical fiction series using familiar historical settings to tell the story of a family that is fictional. It is not a reimagining of actual people or events–like some historical fiction–and readers may have to remind themselves of that as they read.
The book opens with the sudden death of a beloved king and his rapid replacement by an impetuous son. It doesn’t take long to see that this new king is going to lead the realm in a downward spiral. The story is all told to us by a second son and brother of the new king who has some mysterious destiny of his own yet to be fulfilled.
This book begins mid-action with characters and plots that have been brewing for two books prior to this one. Though the writer does provide a family tree and a sketch of the kingdom at the start of the book, it is hard to understand what is happening if you haven’t read books one and two first. If you read excerpts of the books on the author’s website, linked here, you get a sense of the story without the full depth of it. This is about a family of royals where the second sons–unlikely to become kings–have value and voice. This is also a story that rarely sits still; some scheme or battle is always in the middle of happening or being plotted.
Though there are uncanny resemblances to Henry VIII in some of what happens in Pestilence, the author makes it clear that this is a work of fiction inspired by events of the past but not about any person(s) in particular. The author responds to this idea in the book:
Readers will note similarities with northern Europe, but my decision to fictionalize the setting was a matter of practicality for my characters. European history from this period and its major actors are too well known for it to be plausible that a different set of kings and nobility might actually have existed.
Taylor, Pamela. Pestilence: Second Son Chronicles Volume 3, “Author’s Notes”, Black Rose Writing: Texas, 2020. pg 218.
Pamela Taylor’s work is particularly well designed to showcase language. At one point, the narrator creates a historical record of the new king’s reign that looked and sounded like an actual document that I could research and find. The characters, too, feel real because of the depth of research behind authenticating them within their era. Taylor transitions seamlessly from formal to casual speech; she is surprisingly eloquent as a noble as well as an accented servant. I can only imagine this book series would come to life in full cast audio production.
Taylor’s work would have every right to be laden with words we cannot understand outside of the context, but she makes it a particular point not to do that. Language is intentionally modernized slightly to save readers from referencing dictionaries to understand her work. It is a subtle nod to the audience that does not affect the story but greatly assists the reader.
I greatly respect the work Taylor has put into creating this entertaining series, and I plan to order books one and two to get the full story. If you are looking for an adventurous, mysterious, historical novel full of scandal and glory, check out the Second Son Chronicles. It will not disappoint.
The following is a guest post written by the author, Pamela Taylor, for the WOW blog tour promotion of her newest book.
From Dickens to Tolkien, from Molière to Gene Rodenberry writers through the ages have used their pen to comment on political and social issues of their era. Dickens chose stark realism while Molière opted for broad comedic satire. Tolkien embedded his message in a fantasy world; Rodenberry’s métier was science fiction. I don’t even pretend to place myself among that pantheon of authors, but I chose them to make the point that exploring challenging issues often succeeds best within the context of entertainment.
My primary goal in writing the Second Son Chronicles is to entertain readers. I hope they enjoy the journey of Alfred (the series protagonist) as much as I’m enjoying bringing it to life. But for those readers who like to look below the surface, there are some themes to be discovered. And for me, the past was a good, non-threatening setting in which to do so. I specifically chose the beginning of the Renaissance because it was a time when new ideas were spreading rapidly – and yet skepticism still abounded and those in positions of power were often quite happy to quash anything that didn’t fit their narrative of what the world should be.
The full series examines a wide range of social and political issues of the last fifty or sixty years. Modeling Alfred’s wife on some of the strong women of medieval and early Renaissance times allows me to explore women’s roles and rights. Having a less enlightened society bordering Alfred’s kingdom provides the opportunity to discuss cultural differences and questions of nation-building. The rise of the merchant class at this time in history is an excellent context in which to explore the growing influence today of big business. And the overall state of medicine at the time lends itself easily to the topic of health care.
Pestilence takes place at a time of serious upheaval for Alfred’s kingdom. The disruptions engendered by the new king’s authoritarianism highlight class divides and pave the way for the emergence of demagoguery, xenophobia, militarism, and neglect of basic functions of governing. What happens illuminates the very real human cost of a lack of social supports. And the situation forces those who still believe their duty is to the common good to find unexpected paths to achieve those ends.
My goal for the allegory underlying Alfred’s story has never been to be prescriptive or pedantic. I hope only to encourage readers to think.
As the dedication reads: “This series is dedicated to the hope that thoughtfulness, compassion, respect, and rational dialogue can triumph over bigotry, greed, mistrust, and self-righteousness to create a world that is truly a better place for all of humankind.”
Thank you, Ms. Taylor, for stopping by our blog today. Check out the blog tour for more posts and reader reviews. You can find our review here on July 1st.
Rebecca J Whitman 