adoption

The Rainbow Child and her Paper Mom

/ Rebecca J. Whitman / 18 Comments

This story was written by Mabel Ingram, daughter of Fiona Ingram, and is part of the Blog Tour promoting her mother’s book. Mabel is writing in her youth; she is under 18 as she writes this post.

My name is Mabel Ingram. I was raised by my Paper Mom, Fiona Ingram, who is a children’s author, and my birth parents. I call Fiona my Paper Mom because first she fostered me and then later adopted me, becoming my mom on paper, but she made sure I never lost sight of my roots and my biological family. Fiona calls me the Rainbow Child because I was born just before the end of apartheid in 1994, the change that heralded what Nelson Mandela called the Rainbow Nation in South Africa. My mother was a domestic worker who had not finished school. With very little education and five children to look after, my mother was always a lady with a plan in mind and her biggest dream was for all her children to finish school and be independent.

As the last born, with an over 5-year age group between me and the last of my siblings, I was a bit out of touch with everyone. When I started school, it was quite difficult not only for me, but for my mother as well. With my mom having little to no education and teaching herself how to speak and read English, homework was a battle for us both. That’s when my Paper Mom, Fiona, came into the picture.

My mother, who was working for Fiona at the time, asked for her help. At this point I was about to repeat Grade 4. This was my second time repeating a year at school as I had repeated Grade 2 already. Repeating really brought down my self-esteem, making me more self-conscious about myself because my peers were two years younger. That’s when I start to think, ‘What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be like other children and enjoy all aspects of school and not just lunch time with friends?’

English was my biggest hurdle. Struggling with writing and reading meant I could not understand the lessons taught. This affected all my subjects in school and my self-confidence. I was slowly losing hope and determination. Fiona saw the potential within me, and so she fostered me. I came to live with her. We read all kinds of books together, and she introduced me to reading in a fun way. I now had a proper homework schedule and Fiona made sure I attended extra lessons after school. These English and Maths lessons helped me to improve and understand what was being taught in class.

Mabel pic collage

Children are sponges, they pick up on things you say and how you say them. I started learning from Fiona. English is second nature to my Paper Mom. She was also working as an editor and was the right person to help me through school because she has so much love and passion for the English language. Life was giving me a second chance and so I was introduced to goals. It was hard sticking to the goal of getting an education because when you’re a child all you want to do is go outside and play. But I had to work twice as hard to catch up with my peers and achieve my goals.

I finally made it to high school, the biggest push. At this stage my spoken English and understanding of language was far better than my written English. There were also more essays one had to write in just about every subject. High school was just as challenging as junior school. My first year of high school was at a private school. This all went to my head as I rebelled against continuing with my extra lessons. But both my biological mother and my Paper Mom were there to guide me firmly down the right path. The following year I went to a government school where I did not feel the need to show off. And so, I focused on myself more, I focused on achieving small goals, passing the weekly tests, passing the term papers and, most important, passing the grade! Learning was fun now, reading was amazing, and who knew so many wonderful places and people could be created by words on paper?

At this point I saw I’d also had a mental block, but if you enjoy something it does not feel like you’re working. Maths was still a problem, but I could understand what was being asked of me. English, history and geography were the lessons I loved and excelled in. I enjoyed school so much that the one year I was in the top 10 in my grade. There were about 30 of us in one class and about 4 classes of that grade, so it was a great achievement for me. Not only did I pass Matric (grade 12), which was my high school goal, I passed Matric well enough to get accepted into a tertiary institution.

With a clear understanding of where the problem is, learning can improve. A good support system makes learning easier. Looking back, it was not easy for me, but I made it through with good guidance and support. I would encourage all young people to find a mentor or person who will support you in your goals and help you in fixing your weak spots in learning and reading. Fiona, my Paper Mom, changed my life in so many ways. She literally gave me a new life.

What Happened to the Lost Boys: A Discussion About Abandoned Children in J.M. Barrie’s Neverland and Beyond

/ Rebecca J. Whitman / 5 Comments

…Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Matthew 25:40, NIV

I’ve always been a bit curious–and sad–about what happened to the lost boys in Neverland. Were these poor children abandoned by their parents? Were they kidnapped? Were they orphans? And when Peter Pan leaves the island, do they feel abandoned once more? In this post, we discuss the issue of orphaned children and what we can do to make a difference in their lives.

There are several versions of the classic J.M. Barrie tale and the adventures of Peter Pan. According to the author, the lost boys are children who fell out of their strollers when their nannies weren’t looking and were then whisked away to live in Neverland after they were unclaimed for seven days. These lost children were always boys because, according to Barrie, girls were too clever to get lost that way (though they do in some of the stories).

I think the idea that a child could be missed for seven days suggests the child likely was an orphan.

There are several stories that suggest the boys come and go off the island as they show signs of growing up or desiring to do so. For a full history of the story as it has been told through film and prequels like the Starcatcher series, check out this website.

Though J.M. Barrie wrote about the lost boys based off of real boys he had befriended personally, I have to wonder what happens to the lost boys–and girls–today. What happens to orphans when they become orphans?

I’ve heard horror stories of orphans being abused and neglected first by their biological parents and then by the guardians and system of care that is supposed to protect them. These stories were shared with me firsthand by the orphans themselves as adults in my classroom.

One child remembered being taken from her abusive parents in the middle of the night with nothing but a black trash bag to hurriedly gather her belongings. She didn’t understand that her addicted parents were doing something to her that they shouldn’t. She didn’t know she was being neglected. Therefore, she spent a lot of years bouncing around the system and trying to call her abusers every chance she could get. They would try to manipulate her into getting the money and supplies to continue their addictions. Even when she realized that they were asking her to do something wrong, she still called them. She so desperately wanted their validation of her worth.

Another child remembered being removed from a neglectful home only to end up in a foster home where the fosters pocketed their government aid, kept too many children, and provided minimal food and necessities for them. In this scenario, the heroes became villains as well. Children were left to grow up fast and find creative ways to provide for themselves.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5, NIV

How many times do adults treat children like burdens, free labor, or worse with little to no consideration of the heritage they are building in them?

How many times do we see examples of adult selfishness playing out on the values of younger generations we see in the groceries stores and streets today?

Many of the orphans I have talked to describe their feelings like being on a rollercoaster. They lash out at people that treat them kindly because they don’t know who to trust and they fear being abandoned again. Because a child’s sense of safety and self-worth comes from their parents and these kids had toxic parents, many of them never found the understanding and sense of belonging they needed to become healthy, balanced adults.

What could we do to make a difference in just one life like this today?

There is good news! Not every lost boy and girl stayed in that place of abandonment.

I have a friend that grew up in a Christian orphanage not far from me. He doesn’t talk about his birth family, but he talks about life in the orphanage and the people that poured into him. You can read more about him and his story on his blog. 

Despite what others experienced, my friend was loved in his orphanage. Employees that saw their job as an opportunity to minister gave him hope and life when his own life “sucked”. He found hope and faith in Jesus, and he became a Christian. Then he realized that he wanted to be a pastor.

Two weeks before his sixteenth birthday, he was adopted by a prominent pastor and his wife. His new family showed him love and kindness. He found a sense of belonging and purpose through his faith and his adopted family. The family mentored him in the career path he would later pursue and introduced him to the woman who would later be the wife and mother of his children. God was looking out for this little lost boy!

Do you know a lost boy or a lost girl?

What can you do to speak hope and life into their world today?