Month: October 2017

Warrior Woman Part 4: The Lone Warrior 

/ Rebecca J. Whitman

In this fourth and final installment of the Wonder Woman-inspired, Warrior Woman series, I want to talk about the hardest part of being her: fighting alone.

My favorite part in the film happens in No Man’s Land. Diana runs out into battle and she’s dodging bullets left and right. The enemy realizes that she’s not stopping so they throw down more fire on her. Suddenly she is pinned down with bullets sparking off her shield like fireworks and not a sole around to help her advance in the fight. In that moment, she is helpless.


Images credited to the film “Wonder Woman”, Gal Gadot. Warner Brothers, 2017.

I mentioned this idea in the first blog in this series when I said:

The good news is that Diana isn’t left to fight alone. An Adam does show up for her. The point, though, is that she was not dependent on him to live out her purpose in this world. In fact, sometimes she has to fight alone even when she has him (that’s a story for another day).

Diana did have a man there to fight with her. After her short period of loneliness, he sees her from the sidelines and says to his comrades, “she’s taking all the fire, boys, we have to help her.” He stormed in after her, guns blazing, into No Man’s Land where no man was said to get through it alive. He came to help her and fight with her against the enemy, and it was only after they were together that they were able to defeat the enemy’s hold on the land.

When we are alone, the emptiness fills us with despair. We are tempted to think this time in our life will be endless. We think we will die like this: alone, unseen, unknown, unloved. When we are single and lonely, we think the loneliness will be over when we have a man. We think, “if I just had my person, then I’d be happy”, but it doesn’t work that way.

Loneliness sinks its teeth into us when we are single, but it’s especially cruel when we are married.

Diana wasn’t alone in No Man’s Land. There were allied troops around her, but they were all afraid of storming the land. Even her person did not go with her into that decision at first. If the battlefield represents life and spiritual warfare, if every step Diana took alone represented a year a woman spends alone in a marriage, then this woman had a REALLY LONG TIME of working out life on her own. She was making decisions without him, cooking and cleaning without him, taking care of the kids without him, paying the bills without him, leading the family without him,…etc. Get the point? She had partnered with someone that wasn’t on the same playing field with her at all.

Her man might have been wearing the ring, but she was wearing the pants.

If you remember from the beginning of this series, the term Azer-Kenegdo is meant to refer to a woman in marriage and her purpose as it relates to her husband. I never stressed this before because the meaning of the term was so powerful towards women in general that I didn’t want us to be tempted to think it didn’t apply unless we were married. On the contrary, I believe all women are Azer-Kenegdo women called to love and fight for truth regardless of our relationship status. We are ultimately bearing the image of Christ to a broken world and we prepare ourselves to be with him again.

Being the bride of Christ is the ultimate relationship status for every woman.

Nevertheless, we are tempted to think that loneliness is a thing of the past for a married woman. Why, then, would a married woman still face fighting alone? One of my dearest mentors walked through this in her marriage.

Her husband cheated on her and abused her. She asked him to leave. They divorced. Years down the road, they both found God, healed their hurts, and got remarried. They like to tease that their divorce couldn’t stick. Ladies, it was much more calculating than that. My friend chose to give her husband to God, pray for him, and not speak a single ill word about him. That is HUGE!

I do not have a pretty love story to compare to that. I have swooned over more boys than I can count and filled dozens of journals with my hopeless opines. Yet, none of them panned out to be the elusive One.

I thought the One would find me in my teen years. I thought we’d marry and live a happy, long life together. That didn’t happen then, nor did it happen in my twenties. I am now in my thirties, and the man I love now may very well be the One, but that is yet to be determined.

When I look at him, I see the man he is meant to be. I see his kind, generous heart and the way he welcomes new people like long-acquainted friends. I see the way he uses his talents and money to help others even to the point of sacrifice. I see the people he blesses feeling a little closer to God because of him. I see him going into prayer like it is a battlefield where he can take and leave all his worries with God. I see the light of strength, hope, and faith in his eyes.

I see the man he was meant to be, not the man he is today.

It’s hard to love a man when he is weak and lost. In his weakened state, he is needy and abusive. He takes whatever you will give with little thankfulness, and he comes back for more. Wanting to love and help, we give again until we are so buried in hurt and debt we can’t possibly seem to climb out. We get ourselves in trouble trying to save our men.

Sometimes giving is needed, but sometimes we have to let our men fall. Sometimes we have to let them reach the end of their selfishness and pride before they will turn to, hear, and obey God.

The best gift we can give our broken men is our humility before God in prayer.

Whether we are married to them or just dating them, whether our man is a stubborn man–like mine–or just a missing man–like Diana’s–we have to turn our men over to God in prayer.

Like I said, my man is nothing if he isn’t stubborn, but God specializes in stubborn and missing hearts. Sometimes it takes drastic circumstances to get a man’s attention. The apostle Paul was so stubborn that God had to stop him in the middle of a road and blind him before he would see the truth (Acts 9). Peter, too, had a problem with anger and pride that he denied until he betrayed Christ (Matthew 26:33-35; Luke 22). Disciples James and John were brothers known for being hot-tempered when Christ met them. So much so, in fact, that they were called the “sons of thunder” (John 2:24-25).

Time with Christ changed these men. Most lived lives of strong faith and built up the early church. They intentionally turned from their selfish ways and chose to live fully aware of the spiritual fight we are in and participated in it. Though Foxe’s Book of Martyrs reports that most disciples died as martyrs, it is encouraging to know that one of the sons of thunder, John, lived to a ripe old age. His heart had been so changed from a life lived with Jesus that he earned a new nickname: the “Apostle of Love“.

“No pit is so deep or so dark that God is not deeper still.” –Corrie Ten Boom

God will never ask a woman to join herself to a man that does not share her faith (2 Cor. 6:14), but we can often find ourselves in relationships with men who say they believe like we do but are actually living lost and broken away from their full potential in Christ. When a man is broken and lost, we women must seek God on their behalf. We must pray for them and uphold Godly standards when we are with them. There has to be a limit to what we will do and what we will give. We cannot sin to please them, nor can we go bankrupt providing for their needs. Nevertheless, selfless love and kindness can point them towards Christ and the repairing of their hearts. Choosing to speak kind words instead of sharp, hurtful words is important. We have to resist our desire to hurt back. We have to show the love of Christ.

How can you show more kindness and compassion to the man in your life?

Warrior Woman Part 3: The Spiritual Warrior

/ Rebecca J. Whitman / 1 Comment

I have learned that a woman who is unafraid to walk in her beauty and her glory is an attractive thing. She will lure you in–be it for truth or for lies–because that confidence is the door of opportunity God created for her to use in ministry. When we are close to God, we feed our hearts on His Word, the Bible, and we shine the light of His love and blessing. When we are far from God, we use what we have to take from others. We steal, we kill, and we wound the very people we were called to love, to strengthen, and to encourage. The enemy of our souls is not other people, but he uses other people to bring about his purposes. Spiritual warfare is not just about our thoughts or the things of the air, it is also about seeing how people around you are being used to further the war.

In life and in death, through our choices, we are serving on one side or the other in this war.

We women are called to be warriors of love and truth.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. –Ephesians 6:12, NIV

It is the full armor of God that enables us to fight and fight well. The full armor of God is described in Ephesians 6:10-20.

The Armor of God

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. –Ephesians 6:13-20, NIV

I recommend doing a deeper study on the armor of God to fully unpack the meaning of these verses. There’s a lot of meat on these bones because of what each piece of armor was used for and protected in the historical sense and the metaphor that implies to the spiritual weapons. There are full Bible studies that go into depth on this scripture. Priscilla Shirer–famous motivational speaker, actress, and daughter of Dr. Tony Evans–does an amazing study on this topic. Workbooks for the study, Armor of God, can be found here. There is also a children’s book series by Shirer called The Prince Warriors that presents this story in an intriguing allegory. The series was produced in audiobooks, as well, and now has a devotional to help kids learn to recognize and actively fight against the enemy.

I love how all this armor looks in battle. The film, Wonder Woman, does a fair depiction of it. In the film, Diana a.k.a. Wonder Woman, looks pretty darn cool! Not only does she have an amazing figure and looks graceful in a dress, but she is fierce and mighty in battle. This film is a depiction of the Christian woman in life and in spiritual warfare. You can read more about that in my blogs Ezer-Kenegdo Part 1 and Exer-Kenegdo Part 2.

The Importance of Armor

Weapons in combat were no small matter; how well you were prepared often meant the difference between living and dying. Warriors had to be strong and mighty, in fact, just to wield their armor; a full suit of armor is said to weigh as much as 110 pounds. The armor, weaponry, and man were so much weight, in fact, that knights had to ride special draft horses called Percherons bred to be able to carry the load.

I love that wardrobe didn’t skimp on the weaponry for Diana. Though she shows a lot more skin than a knight would have, she is clothed from head to foot in weaponry that carries metaphoric significance for us.

Nevertheless, while it looks cool…

…there are not many practical purposes for a Wonder Woman slinging a sword in the real world. Today, our weapons are the truth, righteousness, preparedness, peace, faith, salvation, walking in the Spirit, the Bible, and prayer.

This arsenal is equipped for you through your alone time with God. Make room in your schedule for getting away and seeking God through His Word. In that time alone, read your Bible, pray, and worship. Guard this time with Him!

God will show up in that time no matter how much of a mess you are or how recently you messed up. He will show up because he loves you and desires to be known by you.

Are you hurting today?

Have you lost perspective?

Are you lost in the fight?

Go to God with your troubles; he will meet you there.

Spiritual Warfare Part 2: The Fight

/ Rebecca J. Whitman / 1 Comment

I don’t know if the lost woman in my apartment was mentally unstable, possessed, or just lost. What I do know is that she wasn’t the enemy. It was the lies and the voice that spoke them that was the enemy. The enemy was–and is–Satan.

Scripture tells us that our enemy roams the earth looking for someone (weak) to devour. Therefore, we must resist him by being vigilant, watchful, alert to what’s going on in the spiritual realm and keeping a clear head about it.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.  –1 Peter 5:8-9, NIV

When the lost woman started to listen to the voice of the enemy, she had a choice. She knew God. She had heard his voice, his gentle correction that she was wrong, but what the enemy was saying to her sounded better. The enemy tempted her to follow a different path by speaking to her needs and wants in a way that pleased her. He offered her a way to have power and prestige and romance by stealing it.

One of the give-aways of the Devil is that he is focused on the present. In his voice comes the urgency to please yourself now with no care for the consequences of that “pleasure” to your future. Satan entices you to sin and become a slave to that sin. He knows the consequences of sin are death–spiritually and, in some cases, physically.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Romans 6:23, NIV

Satan’s choices are strategic. He leads us on a path of death and destruction for a reason; he wants to win the war he started with God.

According to Isaiah 14:12-15 and Ezekiel 28:12-19, Satan was an angel of high importance in Heaven long before the creation of the world. He grew envious of God and wanted to be him. He attempted to overthrow God, but he was shot down. It must have been a violent and significant beat-down because Christ himself said he saw him fall “like lightning from Heaven” (Luke 10:18). He was cast to Earth where he pesters mankind in order to steal, kill, and destroy their purpose in the Earth.

And I will put enmity (open hostility) between you and the woman,
And between your seed (offspring) and her Seed;
He shall [fatally] bruise your head,
And you shall [only] bruise His heel.”–Genesis 3:15, AMP

The thief’s (Satan’s) purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness. –John 10:10, TLB

God created us to have fellowship with Him, but Satan wanted to break that bond and keep us from the closeness we were meant to have. Why? Because he didn’t get what he wanted when he tried to overthrow Heaven, and he can’t win his way back into God’s good graces to go back there even if he was humble enough to beg for it. Revelations 20 tells us that Satan, Lucifer, is destined for fire and he will take as many with him who are willing to go along with his lies.

We, humans, are not just helpless pawns in this spiritual struggle, we are the prize that both sides are fighting for.

For we are His workmanship [His own masterwork, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].–Ephesians 2:10, AMP

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We are the prime achievement of all God’s creative endeavors. The Grand Canyon, the magnificent Appalachian mountains, the stars and the planets, everything beautiful that God created pales in comparison to the greatness that lives in each of us. I love the way the Message Bible puts it: “He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing (Ephesians 2:10, MSG).”

Satan may try to get in the way of our purpose here on Earth, but he has no power to stop us. Christ overcame the Devil and any power he had when he became a human, took on our brokenness, and became our bridge to God.

Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.–Hebrew 2:14-18, NLT

We are called to live our lives in freedom and dignity. Our freedom comes from accepting this message, that Christ died for us, and accepting Him as our personal Savior. Then, we change how we live. We pursue God through his Word because we honestly want to know Him more. We turn away from sin as he reveals our sinful behaviors through His Word, the Bible. Our freedom comes from living through the Spirit and denying our sinful, fleshly desires. We have to stay alert about the war we are in. Galatians describes what this war looks like in our everyday lives.

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom. 

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.–Galatians 5:19-23, MSG

It is a war of the flesh led by the Devil vs. the spirit led by God working in and through us. When we begin to understand this, the enemy is no longer your boss, your husband, your co-worker, or the lost woman in your apartment. No, the enemy is Satan. Instead of yelling at that lost person, yell at the Devil. Take authority over the situation by putting on the whole armor of God.

We will finish this discussion by looking at the full armor of God in Ephesians in my next post. Until then, think about these questions.

How has your attitude been lately? Are you mad at the world or are you loving the world?

How do you see yourself? Are you a priceless treasure or are you a mistake?

Spiritual Warfare Part 1: The Lost Woman In My Apartment and My Association With Her

/ Rebecca J. Whitman / 6 Comments

There was once an older woman in my church who needed a ride home. I saw no harm in helping her; she seemed well put-together. She dressed in fancy suits and silks. Her hair, jewelry, and make-up displayed knowledge of both the latest fashions and what was confidently best matched to her. She was an international woman of culture, sophistication, and beauty. I saw no harm in her, so I took her home.

But one ride led to more rides. And more rides led to dinners and teas in her home.

It didn’t take long to realize that she was not normal. Her once well-furnished home had been cratered; she’d sold off much of it to maintain her lifestyle. She was existing on whatever she could sell and whatever people would give her. Though she was quite talented, she refused to work. She said she felt “called to seek God in prayer and Bible study”. She had a “yeah, but…” excuse for every Scripture you quoted for this including “…the one who is unwilling to work shall not eat” 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

All of this I did not know when our friendship began, but I learned it over time. I knew her lifestyle was not a calling of God because God doesn’t call us to do things that don’t line up with his Word. Nevertheless, I didn’t do much to push back against the falsehoods she was believing. I would casually mention a scripture countering her belief and ask her what she thought about it. I then let it be, and I told her I wasn’t going to judge her. This kindness grew our friendship and, like an unchecked garden, her weeds filled my life.

I have always liked being able to offer a spare room in my house as a getaway for my friends. Sometimes just a short break from their status-quo was all it took to give my friends a fresh, encouraged perspective. My townhome had a perfect space for this, and I remember inviting this lost friend into my home as a getaway retreat for her.  I remember her stay landed on a weekend where I was obligated to help with a church yard sale. I invited her to come along, but she declined. I left her alone in my apartment. When I came back to my apartment, something felt off from the moment I walked in the door. My friend had been “seeking” and wrote what she felt God told her in her journal. She had left her journal out where I could see what she wrote in it. I knew it was an invasion of privacy to read her words, but I also knew that the truth of whatever had happened in my home would be there. So, I read it. The words seared me: “the pastor is supposed to be my husband”.

Everything holy within me rose up in anger against her in that moment. She had written poisonous LIES…in my HOME….about the MARRIED man of God leading our church! I was so livid that I was visibly shaking. Nevertheless, I recognized that the Devil–not God–had been whispering in this woman’s ear…in my house…and I had to tread carefully over the next few things I would say to her. I felt danger lurking in my apartment and, I’m ashamed to say, I was scared. Nevertheless, I confronted her.

I told her that I saw what she wrote while I was gone, and I asked her if she really believed it. She smiled and said she was glad that I read it because she didn’t want to hide it anymore. “Anymore!” I thought, “How long has this been going on?” I thought that; I didn’t ask that. I told her that she was wrong to say those things because God would never tell her to break up a marriage to be with a man. I told her she was not hearing from God; she was hearing from the Devil. She became viciously angry and spewed hurtful insults at me. I don’t remember what she said as much as the burning hatred in her eyes. The woman was wholly sinning and defiantly fighting hearing the Truth. It was the closest thing to a possessed person that I have ever seen.

Because this all happened in my home, I felt responsible to right the grievous wrong being done here. I argued with her for quite some time, but she would not relent from her belief that the pastor was supposed to be her husband. I had her pack up her things, and I took her home. That was the end of our “friendship”.

I knew what had happened in my home was no idle threat. I could not keep it to myself because I was certain she would try to hurt the pastor’s wife. Consequently, I went to my church’s pastoral staff and the pastor’s wife herself and told them everything. I told them about the lost woman in my apartment and all she did and said there. I remember bowing like a failed knight before her king because I felt like I had failed them. I felt guilty for not knowing better. I felt guilty for letting it get that far. I felt guilty for being close friends with her and letting the sickness grow. Though I was abused, misguided, and betrayed, I felt responsible for this clear and present danger. I let those feelings consume me.

The lost woman did not go quietly into the shadows. She continued to listen to her lies and they told her to shave her head and present herself to the pastor during worship–naked. She showed up one Sunday to do just that. Her lovely hair shaven, she had wrapped herself in a silk sari with nothing on beneath. In front of an audience of over a thousand people, she attempted to disrobe in front of the pastor. Security swarmed in and carried her out, however, before she was able to get the job done. They took her out, thankfully, before anyone really knew who she was or what she was trying to do. They were able to do this because of what the pastor did prior to her entrance.

It was customary practice for the pastor to be in prayer before going on stage before a service. The time before services was so important, in fact, that the pastor was guarded to reinforce his conviction that he needed to remain focused on the task at hand. In these prayer-prep times, the Holy Spirit would speak to the pastor about things he needed to say and attacks that were coming against him. The Sunday that the lost woman came in, the Holy Spirit had already prepared him for the attack and told him to direct everyone in the audience to close their eyes in worship. The Holy Spirit saw the attack coming and enabled the pastor to protect his flock. We sheep were directed to close our eyes and keep worshiping until the pastor told us to open our eyes. Because I was one of the obedient sheep, I never saw the lost woman come into the sanctuary. I never saw her attempt to disrobe or her shaved head screaming as she was carried out of the building. All of that was told to me later along with the news of other failed attempts to hurt the pastor’s wife.

Her failed attempt to get at the pastor brought scrutinizing eyes on me. People that knew about my friendship with her and the incident in my apartment then associated me with her. I was now the woman that knew the woman that tried to kill the pastor’s wife and take her husband. I could not be trusted. I was guilty by association.

Because of the lost woman in my apartment–and the sinful lies she wrote there–I believed I could not trust myself to hear the voice of God again. I believed that I could serve the house of God–in volunteer positions in the church–but I could not hear from God personally. I held myself in this prison for many years.

Because of the lost woman in my apartment, I became a lost woman too.

I went into a dark depression. I questioned myself and everything I thought I heard from God. I doubted everything to the point that it became impossible for me to make decisions for myself. I remember people close to me were recommending I get professional help and calling my parents to come and check on me. I didn’t need professional help; I needed a friend to believe in me and pull me out of my mess. My mom was that friend.

I remember coming to the end of myself. I had been working temp jobs and applying for “real” jobs for over a year. Some weeks I was applying to as many as 100 jobs a week. Still, no doors were opening for me. Even the part-time jobs that had been sustaining me for two years were beginning to dry up. I felt so hopeless and lost.

I called home and begged my mom and dad for guidance. “Just make the decision for me,” I pleaded, “I don’t know what to do.” Without hesitation, they said: “Come home.”

Coming home, at first, felt like defeat. My parents had been empty nesters. My room had become storage. There was no place for me. I knew that coming home meant a lot of work for my mom to make a space for me. Nevertheless, mom and dad knew I needed the family to get through my dark time. My mother especially knew this because she had weathered many such storms herself and knew what it took to break through. Her gift to me, in that moment, was going into my old room and clearing it out so that I could come home. She not only cleared out my room, but she also cleared space in the living room and kitchen for parts of my furniture and kitchen tools. It’s not easy for a woman to give up part of her haven to another woman…even when that woman is her child. It’s not easy for two women of age to run their own separate homes to share a home together, but mom and I embarked on that journey together. Almost ten years later, I can say it has been one of the strongest and best moves of my life. The beginning was a mess. The middle was a bit brooding and rocky. The later years have been a blessing.

It took almost ten years for me to stop beating myself up for what happened with the lost woman. It took almost ten years for me to believe I could seek God and trust that I was hearing his voice again. That trust came from knowing the difference between the voice of God and the voice of the enemy, Satan.

In my next post, I will go into that in more depth. For now, let me ask you to think about these questions:

In what ways has the enemy attacked you and made you feel unworthy?

What lies has he spoken to you that you accepted as truth?